Do you write thank you letters after childrens birthday parties? SURELY it's massive overkill / completely over the top gratitude when you've spent ££££ on a party etc?

[PopBitch]

Dd had a party at the weekend and invited the whole class. She was 5 and had a bouncy castle and face painter, it was a fab party.

She was given presents by the guests and we took them home to open later (as otherwise we'd have spent hours opening them at the party).

My questions are:

• Do I HAVE to write thank you notes?
• Do you?
• And if so, do I HAVE to personalise them?
• And What Is The Point?

My feeling is that this is complete overkill since:

a) we provided a party, they provided a gift, that's the deal, everyone's happy, surely?

b) the children giving the gift probably didn't know what was in it in most cases (I alays buy presents for my children to take to parties so it's not as if any special effort has gone into it)

c) In which case, it's the PARENTS writing to the other parents isn't it?

d) it's a waste of trees and time and effort

e) we said thank you at the time, when we were given the gift. They said thank you for having me at the end of the party, all done and dusted, surely?

So, AIBU to NOT indulge in this competitive thanking? I am very interested to know what the mn consensus is on this!

I usually make the dss say thank you when they see the gift-giver or on the phone. I did send out thank you notes when they were babies and too young to say thank you themselves.

But it wouldn't be personal, dd can't really write yet so it would be ME doing it

) we provided a party, they provided a gift, that's the deal,

seriously???? you think that the gift is somehow part of the deal? a kind of payback for you providing a party?????????
am slightly shocked by that.
surely you have a party to celebrate your daughters birthday. you invite people because you want them to be there and celebrate with you.
they bring gifts because they are kind, and thoughtful. not as part of some "deal"

wtf are you on?>
and YES, you should say thank you.

Doesn't matter popbitch - you are teaching your child about manners. You lead by example.

the ones for DS2's party wouldn't be personal either - we didn't know who most of the presents were from afer they became separated from their cards - it would be a "thankyou for your present"..............

FWIW - my DS1 is 8 now, and I've lost count of how many birthday parties my DS's have been to, and taken presents to, they/we have never recieved a thankyou note for the present - but were thanked when we handed the still wrapped present over.

It's up to you, if you really don't care what other parents think then don't bother.

Just don't expect a massive amount of invitations to come your way in future

popbitch, - yes, that's right, it would be you who writes the thankyou note, but DD can put her own squiggle at the bottom.

It does not have to be a huge letter, just a notelet, saying

thankyou for such and such you kindly gave me for my birthday. I shall enjoy playing with it. I hope you enjoyed the party, love from

Honestly if I receive a thank you note after dd has been to a party I think - that's nice but really they shouldn't have wasted their time. I wasn't expecting one and suspect we all have better things to be getting on with. It's just too try hard. So there!

I don't necessarily think it's 'part of the deal' but it is common practice to take a present to a birthday party. Birthday person has a party, guests bring gifts, everyone has a lovely time, end of story, surely?

I agree that people should be thanked for presents, absolutely, but I think the 'writing a letter written by the parents (who also bought the present and wrapped it) to say thank you AGAIN' is completely over the top.

But I don't

a) know any of the parents (just started school)

b) don't really care what they think of me - I'm not there to make friends

c) make much effort with birthday presents when I buy when my dc go to parties, I just quickly get something for the right age range, wrap it and send it along.

MMmmm nice. I'm thankful my children aren't at school with yours.

take the "pop" out of your name and I think we've got it

"ust don't expect a massive amount of invitations to come your way in future"

PMSL - is that meant to be a joke? As not sending thankyou notes doesn't seem to have affected my DS's party invites in any shape or form.......

Bollockbrain - but what if you don't know who gave what? Only 2 of the presents DS2 recieved had the cards cellotaped to the present - the rest were lose and got mixed up in the pile

You say thank you for them attending the party and making your dc's day. Wether they send a present or not it is good manners to acknowledge it, its not that bloody difficult to get plain card chuck some glitter on and scrawl thank you FGS

PB and GWSHHH - totally agree - waste of time & effot - I never expect one - am always mildly suprised, as have forgotten the party ever even happended by that point...

if you don't know who gave what you send a card/note saying "thank you for coming to the party, and for the gift"

it's not rocket science.

Writing thank you letters takes so little time. Just a postcard is sufficient.

I think it's just good manners and not at all over the top.

oh yes - and for the child that didn't bring a gift (all did on this occasion actually as it happens but my DS's have had partis where not every child brought one) - isn't that rather odd to thank them for a gift that they didn't actually give????

I insist on them writing letters to everyone who sends presents but not to party guests. I get them to open them as they bring them and say thank you to the DC who gave it. Anything else isn't workable-it is OK when they are small because you can write them all, but it is too much once they get to the age that they can write. The other alternative is to do a general one on the computer and I would rather they didn't bother!

goldFAQ - in that case I would just say thank you very much for the lovely present you gave me.

It is just the acknowledgement , not really a whole great screed that is required.

I am no snob but I think it shows good manners.

It's the rule when opening presents after parties that the dds read out the card to me and I write down the child's name and what the present is. No big deal. We alway write individual thank-yous along the lines of 'Thank you very much for the xxxx, it was very kind of you. I hope you enjoyed my party. Love x.

All the children round here send thank you letters even if it they are done on the computer. It's just polite. And you're right - it is mainly for the parents. It's not always easy getting into town and hunting down a suitable present.

Agree - it is so NOT competitive thanking. Also it teaches your own children it's not all about take take take.

dd received one from a nursery friend today that just said 'thanks for coming to my party, I hope you had fun. Thank you for X. ' or soemthing along those lines. That's all it needs to say - how long does that take ? You can even buy cards where you just fill in name, gift, your child's name or mock up the same on a computer.

But its up to you after all - sounds like you've made your mind up so it doesn't really matter what we think .

But I don't care what the other parents think of me, why should I? They're not my friends!

And my children are lovely and have lovely manners etc, I just object to this new fangled tradition of writing to say thank you AGAIN. I'm SURE we didn't do this when I was a child.

well no, and they're not likely to ever become your friends with that attitude are they?

Personalised thank you letters are only common good manners. Of course the parent will need to write these before the child is old enough. You could always have specified no gifts if you are too rude to write thank you notes.

If you can't work out which gift came from who then this is your own problem and again it is very rude not to make the effort to keep gifts and cards together so that you know who gave what.

LOL Thisisyesterday - you are being SO agressive. Calm down love

The rudest person on this thread seems to be....urm.....you.