Do you write thank you letters after childrens birthday parties? SURELY it's massive overkill / completely over the top gratitude when you've spent ££££ on a party etc?

[PopBitch]

Dd had a party at the weekend and invited the whole class. She was 5 and had a bouncy castle and face painter, it was a fab party.

She was given presents by the guests and we took them home to open later (as otherwise we'd have spent hours opening them at the party).

My questions are:

• Do I HAVE to write thank you notes?
• Do you?
• And if so, do I HAVE to personalise them?
• And What Is The Point?

My feeling is that this is complete overkill since:

a) we provided a party, they provided a gift, that's the deal, everyone's happy, surely?

b) the children giving the gift probably didn't know what was in it in most cases (I alays buy presents for my children to take to parties so it's not as if any special effort has gone into it)

c) In which case, it's the PARENTS writing to the other parents isn't it?

d) it's a waste of trees and time and effort

e) we said thank you at the time, when we were given the gift. They said thank you for having me at the end of the party, all done and dusted, surely?

So, AIBU to NOT indulge in this competitive thanking? I am very interested to know what the mn consensus is on this!

I have always written thank you letters to everyone, well I do need a use for all the pretty stationary I buy. So yes do send a note from teh kids. Some people love it and some say how stupid are you the sort that says thank you for a thank you? I say er no, I just want to show offmy good taste in stationary and stickers

Samsonara, that is the best reason I've seen so far on this thread.

Oh Gawd

Everyone is overreacting as usual, should have put a after judge comment it was tongue in cheek.

Sounds like in the US people put the present in your hands and expect it to be opened on the spot. Here they don't. Will remember that if I have an American guest, thanks! But all this but it's just as rude to judge people attitude does intrigue me. I don't bang on the table with a hammer and shout "you are rude" or give mums in question icy stares (it doesn't happen v often), I just think "hmmm, I'm a bit hurt I went to the trouble of buying you a present and you NEITHER acknowledged it with a thank you at the time NOR afterwards." Truthfully, if someone has bad manners do you really not think worse of them?

Personally I wouldnt be offended if I didnt receive a thank you note but some people would, so for that reason I would send them.

I did funky little postcards using computer and just got DS to sign.

Another friend did them in advance and put them in the party bags "thanks for coming to my party and for my present"

I do really hate using paper and envelopes I know will go straight in the bin.

I think it is just good manners to say thank you. It also teaches your child to have good manners. I must admit that I privately think badly of people who don't.
One other thing I was going to say was that you mentioned, PB, that you don't care what they think of you. When you're new to the whole school thing, it doesn;t properly register that you really are stuck with these people for quite a long time! Will make your own life much easier to make a good impression.

I'm not new to the whole school thing, dd isn't my only child.

I've always written thank yous for gifts whether you say thank you on receipt or not, and I write to thank when we've been to friends for a meal or a party. It isn't difficult, doesn't take long and shows a little appreciation for the effort someone has gone to. Recently my youngest was given a little printed piece of paper, with just "thank you for my present" and that was fine, it doesn't need to be a pages and pages. If my elder boys start moaning about writing letters then I just say I'll pack up the present and send it back....! Yes, I know, I'm old fashioned!

And I don't have much involvement with the school as I work ft oth.

They go to breakfast club are are usually collected by a pt nanny.

I always write thank you notes. Its good manners and it makes me focus on what I was given and who gave it to me. It hardly takes long either.

In terms of receiving thanks, it is a little hit and miss. If I am thanked in person that is fine but if not at all I would think that rather rude. Not too much to expect I don't think if someone has been arsed to give you a present.

Anniemac

Let's get this straight

In my experience, at busy parties people often don't give the gift directly to the recipient - in that case would you not agree it's rude not to thank the giver at a later point in a short note/email?

If you're at a party where it's clear the deal is to hand over the present and have it opened on the spot, then a thank you on the spot would be perfectly acceptable imo.

As I said before what I consider bad manners is for the recipient NOT to open a present on the spot and then NOT thank you later. I think badly of people who do that.

LOl at this topic getting kind of heated...who would have thunk it....lol

well, annimac, I am german, and we seem to have the tradition there as you have in NZ....hence, no need for Thank you notes/cards....
I htink it is so much nicer to see the person opening your present and the pleased look when you got it right

However, it doesn't particularly bother me if people don't open the present there and then and it doesnt bother me not to receive a Thank you note....I have the take that the persn has provided a lovely party, so, would not expect a thank you note...

I think, we have only once received thank you cards after going to a party....so, it seems not to be norm here, where I live, anyway...

BTW...this whole concept of every child in class being invited to a party is pretty alien to me...and not something I would do....so, I suppose that is why in our house there will always be the time to receive a presesnt directly, promptly open it and promptly thanking the giver...smaller parties also mean, that the host and guest have more time to enjoy eachothers company, I suppose

"I htink it is so much nicer to see the person opening your present and the pleased look when you got it right"

or look mortified when you got it horrible wrong

lol, gold...well, there is that risk....but I suppose it's never to early to teach your Kids manners and make sure they would not react in such way

oh had a giggle at yours at pags exchange there, earlier on this thread....

ahh well you see as I mentioned earlier I would never risk trusting young DC to always remember to force a smile and say how lovely the present is - they're just too unpredictable no matter how well you teach them

lol....

tbh, my Kids tend to just like whatever they are given anyway...bless them....

In our house, if you get a gift, even if you open it in front of giver, you send some kind of thank you. We often do picturs with just a thank you written on them, but something tangible goes in the post. I believe it is good manners plus a reminder to my massively over-indulged chidren that they are extremely lucky to be given things and should spare some time from their lego and angelina strewn world to think about that fact.

I don't do thank you notes for parties and have never ever received one and I have 5 dcs the oldest of which is 12 - that's a lot of parties! however my school has a rule that parties must be for the whole calss ( incolusion policy) or for 2-3 kids alone. 99% of parents do whole class so its a PITA to do thank you letters for 25+ kids which is why i suspect its never caught on.

However, it was my dd1's batmitzvah rececntly and the presents she got from friends were over and above normal £5 spentat a party. The kids invited must have spent about £10 upwards each which is a lot and they were carefully chosen - tasteful jewellary/ clothes/bath items in dd's fave colour rather than what mum could pick up en route to supermarket etc ( in that respsect I really agree with the posters who said that the child rarely chooses the present and the mums just pick up whatever looks good for price range and age of birthday chld - don't think that's wrong btw - everyone works on limited time these days and limited funds usually - just a fact of life).

So - back to the point - in dd1's case these gifts had been chosen by the kids - or at least they had had input or been chosen by trhe parents wiht care and effort as it is a batmitzvah - a significant milestone rather than just a standard birthday and also a lot more effort goes into these type of parties ( we had chinese buffet for `150 people and entertianers and a singers and sleepover for 40 of dd's frineds).

So - thank you cardsx will be written and personalised . This is so dd gets the idea of manners and the necessity to thank when care and effort and money have been spent on her and also to genuinely thank those busy mums and kids who actually took care to buy dd somehting she really liked.

As an aside don't agree wtih those posters advocating opening presents a ta party. i went to one once where i picked up ealry and thought this was totally vulgur. Birthday girl on floor surrounded by mountain of discarded wrapping paper and doting family craning their necks to see what was in each parcel - "bad ones" were simply tossed aside with an "oh" and good ones crowed over and hled aloft for all to see. Awful. And for those kids who brought unappreciated presents could be v embarrassing. And to those who say it needn't be like that - well , yes it always would be as birhtday child would naturally be excited at some gifts and not others and theose kids who'd bought non favoured gifts would still feel disappointed and embarrassed.

Best to open in private without guests there.

I hate arriving at a party and having my present taken and 'dumped in the hall' . I would also hate for presents to be opened in a big finale at the end.

Why can't the birthday child open the present when given? Say thank you and be genuinely excited/polite? My dd chooses the present with me and it's how we teach enjoying giving (ie to see how much the recepient is happy!) - difficult when the present isn't even opened in her sight. Feel it's all missed the point somewhat, with 30 kids at a party and any old gift being given and chucked on to the pile.