Do you write thank you letters after childrens birthday parties? SURELY it's massive overkill / completely over the top gratitude when you've spent ££££ on a party etc?

[PopBitch]

Dd had a party at the weekend and invited the whole class. She was 5 and had a bouncy castle and face painter, it was a fab party.

She was given presents by the guests and we took them home to open later (as otherwise we'd have spent hours opening them at the party).

My questions are:

• Do I HAVE to write thank you notes?
• Do you?
• And if so, do I HAVE to personalise them?
• And What Is The Point?

My feeling is that this is complete overkill since:

a) we provided a party, they provided a gift, that's the deal, everyone's happy, surely?

b) the children giving the gift probably didn't know what was in it in most cases (I alays buy presents for my children to take to parties so it's not as if any special effort has gone into it)

c) In which case, it's the PARENTS writing to the other parents isn't it?

d) it's a waste of trees and time and effort

e) we said thank you at the time, when we were given the gift. They said thank you for having me at the end of the party, all done and dusted, surely?

So, AIBU to NOT indulge in this competitive thanking? I am very interested to know what the mn consensus is on this!

no pag - you haven't - I (or my children for that matter) have never recieved a thankyou note for a present given at a birthday party

ow come to one of mine then. i'll send you a nice thank you.

In fact.
Dear Gold
Thank you so much for your charming response to my earlier posting.
I was so glad that you were able to read it and reply and I must say that your comments were warm and very gratefully receieved.

I do hope that you enjoyed the whole exchange and I look forward to chatting with you again some time in the future

kind regards
pag

When the children arrive I write their name on their presents with a marker pen. They do not all bring presents and are not expected to. As my DD (9) opens the presents after the party she has slips of paper beside her. She looks at the name and writes Dear xxxxx. Thank you for the .... then she opens the present and finishes the note. Easy. Takes no time at all. I have encouraged her to 'write' thank you notes since she was little. It is polite.

Dear Pag,

Thank you for your charming.................oh sod it can't be arsed - already said thankyou

281 posts on this thread - that's a lot of Thank You cards!

See how very easy it is to write thank yous, Gold. Well done.

meaningless trite if printed out on the computer - when we do thankyou notes for presents (excluding birthday party ones) they're NEVER done on the computer - think that's completely meaningless and - wow what a lot of thought you could copy and paste and click "print"

I think people who don't do thank yous are extremely rude and like sagacious I judge them. Harshly. At my dd1's nursery everyone does them

I agree they're not necessary if you open the present in front of them but I think that's such a minefield at a child's birthday party that it's far better left to a different time.

If you have the energy and time to post lengthily on mumsnet then you have it to write a handful of thank yous.

juju, it's not about time and energy, it's about my belief that it's overkill!

I didn't say I didn't have time actually. But there are plenty of things I would rather do than type and print a load of thank you letters.

And what's the lesson i have learned from all this...?

DD2 is never gonna have or attend a party. It's too risky out there.

Good manners is about knowing there are other things we'd rather do but prioritising consideration for other people over our own desires.

I'm not going in to the many reasons why it's polite to thank people because others have already stated them clearly. Ditto minefield. It's all here on the thread already.

I agree anniemac

I think they should say thank you at the time but often at parties we go to there is a dumping ground for the presents and the kids don't actually open them at the time and are often not even aware they're being left. So then a thank you note later is in order. Personally, I think that's the best way to do it - otherwise half the party is taken up with opening presents and parents will feel under even more pressure than they already do to buy the biggest/best/most expensive gift. If you think otherwise fair enough!

I had a party of my own recently and had to run around looking after guests getting them drinks, introducing them to people and there just wasn't time to open presents on the spot - and it would have embarrassed people who hand't brought anything (which they were absolutely not expected to). I said thank you when they were handed to me (often they were just dumped in the hall or wherever), opened the presents the next day and thanked each person individually in an email.

Good manners can be defined as putting others at ease.

You can have good manners and send these letters.

You can have good manners and not send these letters - lack of receipt of such a letter does not cause anyone inconvenience or sadness. Indeed, only the non-sender's mother is likely to suffer, because she risks receiving icy smiles henceforth from those whose chief hobby appears to be "Judging".

Can you have good manners and criticise others (in real life I mean, mumsnet is up for grabs) for not sending these letters? hmm, debatable. If you decide to exclude or look down on someone who performs random acts of kindness but does not send these letters then something is going very wrong with your priorities, I think.

I'll be sending these letters for the very first time next weekend because my DS (6) is now aware of this etiquette and (unlike me) seems to think it is a nice idea. So I will remind him after the party but he will do it himself. I've met him halfway by booking Wacky Warehouse - they supply pre-printed notes. Popbitch - as you have a daughter, you may find she makes the decision for you by next year anyway.

Yes I always right thank you cards for the childrens birthday/xmas presents. The children sign their names at the bottom and when they are old enough they will write their own.

My DD and DS have had at least 20 parties this year and we have received a grand total of 4 thank you cards and 1 text message.

I always wrote thank you cards when I was a child and my children will be brought up learning about good manners the way I was.

Anniemac, my husband (USA) finds our tradition of not opening presents cold and rude.