Do you write thank you letters after childrens birthday parties? SURELY it's massive overkill / completely over the top gratitude when you've spent ££££ on a party etc?

[PopBitch]

Dd had a party at the weekend and invited the whole class. She was 5 and had a bouncy castle and face painter, it was a fab party.

She was given presents by the guests and we took them home to open later (as otherwise we'd have spent hours opening them at the party).

My questions are:

• Do I HAVE to write thank you notes?
• Do you?
• And if so, do I HAVE to personalise them?
• And What Is The Point?

My feeling is that this is complete overkill since:

a) we provided a party, they provided a gift, that's the deal, everyone's happy, surely?

b) the children giving the gift probably didn't know what was in it in most cases (I alays buy presents for my children to take to parties so it's not as if any special effort has gone into it)

c) In which case, it's the PARENTS writing to the other parents isn't it?

d) it's a waste of trees and time and effort

e) we said thank you at the time, when we were given the gift. They said thank you for having me at the end of the party, all done and dusted, surely?

So, AIBU to NOT indulge in this competitive thanking? I am very interested to know what the mn consensus is on this!

Well, he has Aspergers and is dyspraxic so it would physically hurt him. But laugh away. After all that's hte 'polite' thing to do, I expect.

well I wouldn't take any pleasure as a gift giver to sit and watch my presents opened as part of a production line, with no time for them to actually look and see what the present is properly and appreciate it. If they did that and then "thank you" I'd feel quite pissed off actually like they really are only saying it for the sake of saying it..........

Stepfordknife - I'm impressed that you know all of the childrent hat invite your DC to their birthday parties that well to be able to actually put any thought into it.

DS2 has a party next weekend, I haven't got a clue who they are/what they like etc etc, so I shall buy a gift aimed at a girl aged 5...........

It is incredibly rude not to write thank you letters, if you don't like it, don't invite so many children, it teaches good manners, your daughter can always practice signing her name

I always notice when we do receive thank you letters and also when we don't!!

manners maketh man/woman

I don't understand - the veneer of good manners seems very shallow? Good manners are quite shallow. It is an etiquette thing, based on societal norms. I don't think there's much depth to them at all. That's why it's easy to be courteous - there's not much to it.

I think it's very important to thank people properly especially as children get older which means writing little cards or notes. Otherwise it's just a sea of gifts. I think it's important - and nice - for kids to remember who got them a lovely gift when they play with and thank you cards can help do that.

write them for him then, Mabanana?

...And at the suggestion that it would be cruel to make a 7 year old write 20 thank you cards. Snort!

PMSL @ writing thank you cards helping the child remember who bought it for them - as I mentioned earlier I was never expected to write thank you cards to other children who attended my parties and brought presents, but I was to other people for Birthday presents, Christmas presents, Easter Eggs etc etc........it certainly didn't help me remember who had sent the gift to me

Yup, good manners. Always do thank you notes.

How utterly bizarre that you would prefer your child to miss out on a great party, a fabulous time, an entertainer and a party bag than not get a precious thank-you letter. My ds wants to share his birthday party with all his classmates. He likes them all would hate to leave anyone out. I think he has a very good grasp of the real meaning of manners. He is not remotely materialistic either, and it would not bother him at all if nobody brought a prsent.

"Stepfordknife - I'm impressed that you know all of the childrent hat invite your DC to their birthday parties that well to be able to actually put any thought into it."

I don't - I ask the dc's to talk to their friends and get some ideas of what they want. I'm an infinitely practical person

Stepford, glad you think a disability is funny. What simply marvellous manners you have.

Stepford, glad you think a disability is funny. What simply marvellous manners you have.

I think it would be cruel to make a 7 yr old write 20 thank you cards-if they are going to be meaningful-if they are not meaningful why write them? If you did even 2 a night it would take 10 days, rather late to be doing it when he has probably seen the person he is writing it to for at least 7 of the days and could have thanked him in the meantime!

I can tell you know that just doesn't work - DS1 in particular (as he's the oldest) has been given many gifts where the mother has said to me "X said that DS1 would really like this" - the present has been opened and I've thought "ermm right ok I don't know what my DS1 has been telling your DC but that particular toy/game/book isn't anything close to what he actually likes and will actually play with/read"

Just seen your dyspraxic point mabanana - I now understand your earlier comment a little better in relation to your 7 year old (although I do know a 6 year old dyspraxic child - and he still, partially at least, writes his thank you cards)

don't think the ability to write has anything to do with it though - I wrote them for my children when they were too young to write themselves

Well goldFA, I can't possibly comment on your child and his experiences except to say that seems a little odd.

I'd rather at least make a stab at gettting something the birthday boy / girl might appreciate, than do as Popbitch does and just randomly bung a fiver at a gift in the right age range. I think that's shabby

It is easy when they are too young-but a horrible burden on them once they get to 6yrs and they have to follow your tradition. If I was 6yrs old I think I would want 2 friends only at my party!

"Stepford, glad you think a disability is funny. What simply marvellous manners you have. "

Oh for heaven's sake keep your wig on. I hadn't noticed the reference to dyspraxia when I questioned your assertion about writing thank you cards being cruel.

I don't think any disability is funny - how ridiculous

Apparently to be a properly polite family if I'm not willing to force my child through a phyysically painful ordeal of writing 25 plus thank you notes, then I should ban him from sharing his birthday party with all his classmates, and tell him to leave some out, even thought he would think that unfair, just so he has fewer thank you notes to write for presents most of which he won't even want or care about. And yes, I have taught him to have hte manners to say 'thank you' in person for all of them.
As I said, we do a printed thank you on the computer which ds takes to school and hands out to all his classmates. I think that is far less polite than his own desire to invite all his classmates to his party, so nobody is 'sad' or 'left out' (as he puts it).

not odd at all, it would appear to be very common chatting to other mum's they've had the same thing. Kids (especially younger ones) come out with all types of crp to their friends - they even come out with crp to their siblings.

And if you don't know those children very well how do you know they aren't bullshitting you when they say thankyou (either verbally or in writing) by saying it's just what he/she likes for etiquette/manners

But Stepford you were so keen to sneer, you didn't even consider that I might simply be speaking the truth, did you? I don't consider that to be terribly well-mannered.

Simmer down!

I wasn't sneering. I was expressing incredulity. I seldom sneer, but tbh I might start