AIBU to think that "I have to go to work tomorrow" is not a good enough excuse not to help out when ds is ill in the night?

[rebelmum72]

This is now the second time this has happened and I am somewhat pissed off with my otherwise-damn-near-perfect dh.

Ds has been coming down with a cold over the weekend, and last night started coughing like mad at around 11pm, just as we were going to bed. From then on until the morning, he didn't sleep for more than about 15mins in one go, apart from one measly hour between 3am and 4am.

This meant that I was constantly getting up, bringing him cough medicine, making tea, getting him to drink the tea, changing nappies and generally trying to calm him down. It was a horrible night, ds could not stop coughing and crying and I was at my wits' end what to do.

After the first time he woke up, my dh turned over in bed and said "I'm going to sleep, I've got to go to work in the morning" which annoyed me because a)I could have done with a bit of practical help and support and b)I could have just as easily and (I think) justifiably said "I'm going to sleep, I've got to look after a sick toddler tomorrow".

I don't mind being the one to get up in the night when ds has had a bad dream or needs water or something like that. But I feel this is different. I'm now absolutely knackered, and ds is being sooo demanding (which is fair enough as he's not well), I really could have done with a bit more support last night, even if was just making the tea while I tried to calm down ds.

AIBU to be annoyed with my dh about this?

YANBU.
Looking after a toddler, in my opinion, is more demanding then doing a day's work. So your DH should have helped out in this case and you are right to be pissed off.

yes and no -yanbu to want some support but if your dh has to go into work, be alert etc then its not unreaonable to want some rest esp as prob doesnt get much sympathy/leeway to make day easier if he goes in tired. however as you say you're not exactly sitting on your hands today looking after ds a bit of help (eg for an hour this morning so you could get some sleep) would have been good

not unreasonable at all.ds will be tired today try and cuddle up on sofa don't do any housework and make hubby do tea.

both of mine are ill today. dh also had the cold over the weekend. i did the nights then. he did the night last night despite going back to work so i have what it takes to get through today. think whta i'm thinking is, he can't completely cop out because of work. if there was a special hard thing dh at work thing on today, maybe, with negotiation i'd have swapped.

ask for him to bring a takeaway home for tonights dinner and discuss which night hours each of you will cover tonight.

YANBU at all

Unless he's a brain surgeon or something...

rebelmum72 - do you WOH/WAH?

If not, it is entirely reasonable of your DH to expect to get a full night's sleep and for you to deal with ill children in the night, unless it is really an emergency where you need immediate practical help (ie sick/poo all over the place, child needs bathing while another person mops).

I agree. He is going to work. you are sitting at home all day.

Poor you merryberry!
Good idea about the takeaway.

And no, he's not a brain surgeon , so I do think he could have coped with being a bit tired today.

I do appreciate though that he can't go in looking the way that I do at the moment (I haven't even SHOWERED yet ).

(I should be either showering or napping now, as ds is sleeping, but it's such a broken sleep constantly interrupted by coughing and waking that it's hardly worth me lying down, and I'd be worried about not hearing him in the shower...)

"You are sitting at home all day."
Yeah right.

I'd let him sleep and consign myself to a day of slobbing about in my pyjamas with a whingey toddler, I think.

If, however, he comes home and complains that dinner's a bit cheap and cheerful and you haven't hoovered, YANBU to kick his clackers off.

One kid? And you? Oh get over it.

Am a SAHM, but had never really thought of it as "sitting at home all day" .

i've worked at the national for neurology and seen brain ops. quite low key, interesting, engaging, physically easy work in a team of people who can help out if you get the wobbles.

caring for ill kids: dull, upsetting, enervating, physically tiring, on your own.

who needs the sleep more? no answers to this rhetorical question thank you

If ds had such a bad night, won't he be catching up on sleep today? Can't you grab a couple of hours shuteye while he's asleep?

Completely agree that the OP is unlikely ever to be "sitting" at home all day.

However, SAHMs can always decide to have a low-key day in a way that people who WOHM cannot because of their commitments.

But shall do so in future. Just as my dh will henceforth be "sitting the office all day"

one child- how bad can he/she be? crying - so cuddle, ill so put to bed.

I think you're both being a bit unreasonable - the odd broken night is hardly the end of the world. If it carries on though and he still doesn't help then I would be pissed off.

my restless kids are not making up their sleep today, in fact, less than usual. grrr.

off i go back to it

Now if YOU were ill and the baby was planning a day of trashing/atheltics/painting, THAT would be different.

YABU.

Hopefully the sick toddler will sleep, cuddle up on the sofa much of the day.

Being at work when you are hanging is totally awful. Beleive me I've been there too many times - if there was anyone for me to make that excuse too I'd have done it without any guilt whatsoever.

how old is he?
will he have a nap later so you can get your head down?