To be FUMING by precious bloody snotty parents

[jesusofutopia]

This morning I took my children to school and was approached by 4 parents who had obviously 'planned' to speak to me together. They basically asked if I would re-consider my son's chosen secondary school for next September as their children are also going there and "don't want to be bothered by him for the next 6 years"

I asked what they were talking about and one of them got really snotty with me and said "He's managed to disrupt their education for the past 5 years, we're not going to put up with it all through secondary too".

My son has ADHD and yes he can be a handful but to say this to someone??!

treedelivery, when I was a newbie, I posted an AIBU about a new kid moved into our neighbourhood and him wandering around in the dark at 8/9pm and his mum not checking where he was. I disagreed with his mothers lack of parental control and lots on mneters came down on me like a tonne of bricks!

I went away with my tail between my legs as 'I had been put in my place as a newbie'. One day, the mother rang me to see if her son was at mine Sun 9pm, she told me she wasn't concerned about his whereabouts but that she wanted to go to bed! When I asked her what time he was supposed to be in for tea, she said 'oh, he doesn't have tea!' IMO, that is crap parenting.

Sometimes your not sure what the hell to do!

I just don't get this 'chick-bickering'? I sometimes wonder who the children are?

The boy had just turned 10 at the time!

Trouble is, on Mumsnet you get opinions from a wide variety of people and when responding to an OP, we are aware that we are only getting one side of the story.

For instance, my dd is 8 and is allowed to play out in the park until it starts to go dark. She is also allowed to walk her friend home and come home from her friends (2 streets away) in the dark. If another parent saw her out in the dark they might come onto MN and start a thread about it. They don't know that I know exactly where my dd is and she knows what the rules are for playing outside.

I've only ever come across the OP once before, that was on the neighbour thread. She heard her shy and timid neighbour whom she didn't know very well, arguing in the early hours of the morning with her partner. In the morning then, to cheer her neighbour up, she hid behind a bush and then jumped out and screamed at her. The neighbour went crying inside. The OP then joked that she went round wearing a scream mask to apologise. She later retracted this saying it was a joke. But a few of us, myself included were suspicious of the thread. Yet it was harmless anyway, so I left it.

This thread is a little more sensitive and targets those parents of children with SN. I'm hoping that the OP is genuine as I'd hate to think that someone is making all this up just to get a reaction. Posters have been left upset and angry by this thread.

It's a very volatile world this parenting! I might speak for everyone when I say It seems a direct hit to my pride, temper, happiness and self esteem everytime anyone so much as frowns at dd1. So this thread struck a cord with me. I'm so so lucky to have an easy peasy straight forward dd1 so far, but who knows what dd2 will be?

Might just stick my head in the 'I'm so happy and I'm planning to use lovely washables this time around' sand. Stick a a daft grin on my face and pretend to be daft.

Bickering bad.

I agree re: the 10 year old btw.

Oh God if this is made up then....then....I'm getting a bucket of happy sand to keep my head in and to carry around with me everywhere.

Rhubarb Going now and taking my gullible ass off on the school run

I dunno

holy moly.

i know that the other parents hate it if their PFB's get placed in the same group as ds but i dont think any of them are brave enough to come and say such an evil nasty thing to my face.

i think i may have gone rather tribal on them!

SHAME on them - I could weep for you and your DS

shit. just seen Rhub's concern over the honesty of the OP.

I kinda hope this is a wind up as my own DS faces such remarks daily. much prefer it if no one else had to suffer the same

HRHSM - Does he? From children? Does he get any negativity from parents?

......

Thanks for linking that VS.

I don't really hope their children end up on crack. It was flippant. I thought it was funny. I would have thought that on planet sensible it was obvious I don't want anybody's children to take crack....

Gosh, no, me neither newsmongrel.
I hope the mothers become addicts once the children are settled down with lives of their own

sadly treedelivery he does.

School playground i have actually heard the parents shooing him away from their PFB's.

thankfully a lot of it goes over his head (he is asd) so he doesn't get upset.

ha ha! Yes, that would be ok, selling their boden-clad bodies for the next fix (once the children are in university of course)

HRH - Oh my. I hearby faithfully promise never ever to do that. Ever. I know I'm green to parenting but I don't intent loosing humanity as life happens to me and mine.

Suppose mumnet is good in that it will make me alert to these things in myself. So I can fight against an ugly head if it rises.

Victoriansqualor -
NewsMongrel - made me laugh and surely that helps on a heavy thread? Maybe not PC but hey ho!

Despicable bitches, and all the worse for being spineless! I thought you got more empathy as a mother. Clearly not always.
I would make an offical compaint about them.
I was upset when I read that. Poor boy, poor you.

Sorry, GAINED more empathy as a mother

I think it's wonderful that kids with SN and SEN are getting more and more integrated within mainstream schools... it helps our DC to become more tolerant, understanding and empathetic members of society. My nephew has Downs Syndrome and has been in mainstream school full time for 2 years and his peers LOVE him.

Ignorant ignorant ignorant parents. My blood pressure is rising on your behalf OP.

Sadly this sort of thing does happen. Last year I had some very upsetting experiences with several parents regarding my ds's SN's and his behaviour. Although I was only ever approached by one parent at a time over a particular period, it later became clear to me that these particular parents were having many discussions with each other regarding my ds. My ds's SN's were irrelevant as far as they were concerned, they just wanted him out of the class.

What a terrible thing to say. You and your son need support, not this.

And talking of support, if (by no fault of his own) your son is disrupting the class then surely the teachers should be managing the situation.

Will your son be getting some one-to-one support at his new school? If not, you need to enquire about this. If they try to tell you that they cannot afford to provide this then I think you can apply to have your child statemented. This sounds awful, but trust me, its not, its done for numerous reasons and means that the school have to provide extra support for your child.

Good luck, and ignore these horrible people.

step away, folks

Just wanted to agree with what Lemontart said, it seems like really good advice. Also, to make the point that miserable, misanthropic cows that they clearly are (and God help their children), they are four, and not all of the parents at the school. The chances are, they do not represent everyone else, even if they try to claim to. My 7 year old shares a class with a child with pretty severe ADHD - the kids have all been taught to accept him, and to regard the ADHD as being about as voluntary as shortsightedness. I have never heard a parent complain about this kid, although we are all aware that he does, sometimes, need more attention than other kids in the class. I think everyone understands that he is as much entitled to have his needs met as anyone else. I hope and believe that if a parent did start to bitch about him, they would be very swiftly shut up by the majority. Please, please, try to remember that they are not elected representatives of the group - are there any other, more rational parents you could talk to, who might be sympathetic? You might find that there is a groundswell of support for you. Also, perhaps this could work to your son's advantage - sometimes the ame level of support doesn't follow a kid to secondary school, this might be a way of ensuring that it does.
So, so sorry you've had such a crummy morning.

My nephew's education has been disrupted for over a year by the presence in his class by the presence of three children with ADHD or similar. The school is powerless to get them help because apparently the parents refuse to have them diagnosed (this is abroad so slightly different system). The class is in constant pandemonium and the teacher had a nervous breakdown last year because he couldn't cope with dealing these three and teaching the class at the same time.

Yet if my SIL did what these women did, I would have no hesitation in strangling her with my bare hands. Because are depths to which you do not sink. Really.

Let the school know what is being said. Let them know that inclusion means giving a child the support they need to function in the class, not just being physically present there.