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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be FUMING by precious bloody snotty parents

193 replies

jesusofutopia · 24/11/2008 10:01

This morning I took my children to school and was approached by 4 parents who had obviously 'planned' to speak to me together. They basically asked if I would re-consider my son's chosen secondary school for next September as their children are also going there and "don't want to be bothered by him for the next 6 years"

I asked what they were talking about and one of them got really snotty with me and said "He's managed to disrupt their education for the past 5 years, we're not going to put up with it all through secondary too".

My son has ADHD and yes he can be a handful but to say this to someone??!

OP posts:
NCbirdy · 24/11/2008 10:18

Well that is conclusive then Utopia, it is not like every second operson is getting accused of that at the moment is it?

sunnygirl1412 · 24/11/2008 10:19

If I were you, I would be contacting the Head of the secondary school to talk about this. He or she needs to know what these parents have threatened so he or she will recognise what's happening if they try to put their threats into action.

Original poster
jesusofutopia · 24/11/2008 10:19

Thanks Cheeset, I wish there was someone near by who would back me up a bit I'm such a wimp with stuff like this

I will definately be speaking to the secondary school and will warn them that they seem set on getting my DS into trouble every 5 minutes. The worst thing about it is that one of them is a parent governer.

They also seem pretty self assured that "at least our kids won't be in the same class as him as they'll be in the top or middle sets, he'll be in the bottom classes" and then her mate said "no they'll do what they do here, put him in the top sets even though he can't do the work just so that he doesn't drag the not so bright ones down any further than they already are". I was walking away at this point, if I hadn't, I would have punched one of them.

And the troll accusation came from me having a tiff with my neighbour hardly trolling material.

OP posts:
nappyaddict · 24/11/2008 10:19
Sad
onthewarpath · 24/11/2008 10:20

I cannot believe someone would have so much snot up their nose.

Fancy having 4 sets of parents leaguing against you! how brave of them.

Fimbo which thread was it? I do not remember comming accross jesusofutopia before.

NCbirdy · 24/11/2008 10:22

Op; how very sad for you and your son, personally I would be really angry but I doubt that you can do much with the schools as they are not responsible for a parents behaviour. It could be wiorth reporting it from the angle of being worried that the children may show signs of this kind of behaiour and you want it watched out for... Most schools do have an unofficial policy of being very short with parents who behave badly. It is not much help but that together with you battering them senseless giving them your POV should make some difference shouldn't it?

bigbaubleeyes · 24/11/2008 10:24

Shocking - how you didnt bat them one OMG I feel like comming round and.....

But we are not them bloody intolerant, cruel and prejudiced people - If they are so confident that it is such a good school then they should know that they wil be equipped to meet all the needs of the children that go there.

I would report this as these prejudiced views have led them to bullying you - I agree with Lemontart write a carefully worded letter to both schools expressing your concerns and the threats you have recieved.

Write down the other thing you over heard too and keep a diary just in case.

What awful attitudes to pass on to their children. Your sone will learn to manage his ADHD and will grow out of it - their attitudes and beliefs that they have poisoned their kids with wont - I am fummmiiiiinnnnnggg.................

big hugs for you

chloemegjess · 24/11/2008 10:27

Oh no! That is awful. Definatly inform the secondary school, one way or another.

Do the parents know you son has ADHD? Maybe you could give them some info on it as they are obviously not very clued up.

kitbit · 24/11/2008 10:28

Apart from being shocked beyond belief at them, actually maybe it's a good thing if they do kick up a fuss if incidents happen, because then the school might be more inclined to give your ds any additional help and support he needs? Just trying to see a silver lining, although I am appalled at them and really angry on your behalf.

DisasterArea · 24/11/2008 10:38

so what has your present school been doing about your son's behaviour if it really isthat bad he should have soe sort of assessment and plan that will follow him through to secondary school.
yes it is not the way to go about their own children's education and it appears to be a hurtful and spiteful thng to do but they must have their reasns. perhaps your present school hasn't been helping and they ddn't know how else to approach the subject with you.

edam · 24/11/2008 10:39

Blimey, I'm impressed you had the self-control not to lash out at them, the arrogant, ignorant tossers.

Does your ds get any support, btw? And has the next school recognised his additional needs due to ADHD?

themoon66 · 24/11/2008 10:41

Poor you OP. If that had been me, I would have ended up weeping in front of them

cheeset · 24/11/2008 10:42

kitbit I see where you are coming from. From what I can gather from your info and my own experience as a mum of two, your kids paths have crossed and the incidences in school, would/should have been dealt with in school. As I see it, the incidences(if there are any of course), have obviously not been dealt with effectively by the school surely as they are still up in arms?

These women have got together and it sound like they have one thing in common, your son.

It's hard on all sides because I think SEN kids and non-SEN kids suffer as they are all thrown together with quite different needs.

I haven't got any answers but I do know they are TOTALLY out of order.

stealthsquiggle · 24/11/2008 10:44

Because there will be no other disruptive children from other intake school 'interfering' with the education of their precious angels

Good luck with the school(s).

TheNewsMongrel · 24/11/2008 10:50

Wow. The fcukngi nerve of them. I hope their children are all hooked on crack by third year.

I think I would say in a fake saccharine voice "I'm so terribly sorry my son's existence inconveniences you".

I have visions of this ahead of me. My son was asked to leave playschool as he didn't 'settle'.

denbury · 24/11/2008 10:50

isn't it up to the local council where your child goes? we have to fill forms out down here and then have to wait to see what school we get. also his brother goes there so he'll get preference to go to the new school. i would mention it to the head and his teacher.

pokeydot · 24/11/2008 10:52

i would go straight to the head when you pick ds up and make them fully aware of what has been said (especially the parent governour) and then i would make an appointment for you AND the head of the primary school you are in now to see the head at the secondary school and make them fully aware also make sure you cover ALL your bases so everyone is fully aware of these stupid bitches "threats"

has ds suffered bullying from said "parents" children at all? you know how parents can sometimes push their thoughts onto kids!!

cheeset · 24/11/2008 10:52

IMO, the school has failed you. If they had dealt with things effectively, none of you would be in this situation now.

TheNewsMongrel · 24/11/2008 10:57

Yes, I would go to the head with a written advice that four parents had approached you 'en masse' (the bloody cowards) and caught you unawares between car and school with this threat. Send your child to another school or we will make life very difficult for you.

This is a form of blackmail and a form of bullying.

It's up to the school to either decide if they can meet your son's needs. If they can, they will, it's nothing to do with them.

Gathering together vigilante style to try and co-erce you to send your son to a different school, that beggars belief.

treedelivery · 24/11/2008 11:02

Face to face meeting with heads of both schools. For sure.

Miyazaki · 24/11/2008 11:04

What does he do to their kids/ in the class? Why aren't the school managing the situation? Why would he be expelled by Year 8?

Why are they so very cross about your son?

Penthesileia · 24/11/2008 11:04

YANBU. Their behaviour was out of order.

But, do they know that your son has ADHD? Or do they just think he's rowdy?

I can imagine a thread on here: "My DS/DD can't get any work done at school because of badly behaved child - what should I do?", and probably a number of people would post sympathetically (not knowing that said child had ADHD).

Sounds like the school has not offered your son the support he needs, and that these parents, as wrong and rude as their behaviour was, now feel that they have to take matters into their own hands.

I'm not condoning what they did. It was wrong, and you are a saint not to have let them have it, but it is possible to see that they too might feel grieved.

You should definitely flag this up with your son's new school and ask that they provide him with the assistance he needs.

cheeset · 24/11/2008 11:09

Agree with Penthesileia

ClaireDeLoon · 24/11/2008 11:11

That's just horrible, what hope is there for the children when the parents are such bullies?

treedelivery · 24/11/2008 11:11

If one of them is a governer then you have very serious grounds for complaint indeed. Your Local Education Authority could be involved if the heads aren't motivated to help.

I'm sure they will be.

A governer Oh my God!!

Maybe ask for teachers/heads on here to give you some opinions on how best to take this forward? A quick word and making people aware wouldn't do for me, I'd need to know there were some steps being taken. Surely this is bullying? And what are the kids of these witches saying to your ds at school?

GRRRRrrrrrr!!! You did well not to explode.