To be FUMING by precious bloody snotty parents

[jesusofutopia]

This morning I took my children to school and was approached by 4 parents who had obviously 'planned' to speak to me together. They basically asked if I would re-consider my son's chosen secondary school for next September as their children are also going there and "don't want to be bothered by him for the next 6 years"

I asked what they were talking about and one of them got really snotty with me and said "He's managed to disrupt their education for the past 5 years, we're not going to put up with it all through secondary too".

My son has ADHD and yes he can be a handful but to say this to someone??!

i would have said 'thank you for your helpful insight, can i be a real pain and get you to put that in writing to the head teacher of both schools and the named officer at the LEA? i know it's a pita, but tbh we've been begging them for an adequate support package for ds for 6 years, and your help might just swung it. it would be really helpful!'
then i'd smile sweetly and march off to dig out my voodoo dolls.
and shame, shame, if you are a troll. some people do have to deal with this stuff other than as light entertainment.

I do think the back story is relevant.

This is a child who is in year 6 and will be going to secondary school next year? Now I know that being approached by a parent is something that could happen, iirc didn't parents at peachy's ds1's school draw up a petition? , but the difference here is that if there are issues then these are often ongoing over a matter of years. I find it hard to understand why these parents would feel their children's education has been disrupted for the past 7 years and have only now decided to say something about it. Even if these parents haven't approached the op before, I would be very surprised if they haven't approached the school.

I agree that their actions are harsh, but I also think that just blindly calling them bitches without having any information on what has led them to feel this strongly is also on the harsh side. It's possible they're unaware of the child's issues. It's possible their children have been physically asalted by this child, or that this child's behavior is so disruptive that it has indeed affected their own children. And if the school have failed to support this child then these parents may feel they have been left with no choice but to approach the parent - maybe if the school have failed to listen to them they perhaps believe that the school have also failed to inform the op about her child's behavior.

I am not condoning these parents' actions at all, I'm just saying that I think it's important to get the whole picture before making snap judgements.

I would be cross with these women for their approach but TBH if their childrens' lessons are being disrupted to the extent that they think this is reasonable then perhaps your son is not receiving the level of support that he needs.

JoU seems to be away which is a shame, as wannaBe makes completely valid points.

But if I'd have had to stand there and hear 4 people say my child would end up expelled, that they were going to single out his every wrong move and use it to ensure this, then I'd struggle not to go onto protective mother mode.

If a parent quietly asked to have a word and said 'look a few of us feel your dc is having trouble and our own kids are getting mixed up in it.....and so on' then I'd weep and wail but would be all ears and all open to what the problem was and how I could deal with it.

Wish I'd written that post wannabe, I agree with every word. You sound sane and kind, perhaps I can learn from your approach!

Yes, how odd to jump in and talk of bitches and witches with no idea as to what has led to this situation or what kind of problems have led these parents to be concerned.

Cheeset, Don't be ridiclous. How is it supporting the op to say something horrible about children who are probably as innocent as the ops child.

Very good post wannabe.

But imagine if the reason there is no background given at length, is that there isn't that much for JoU to say.

How would you feel as the mum with the son?

JoU may come forth with loads of info that can justify some of their approach - but it would have to be jolly good to sanction 4 on 1 aggressive behaviour with no warning and loads of ill will towards a child. Directed at his parent.

Maybe they are not witches - might be lovely people. But on the information given I'd say they were appaling on this occasion and I'd be ashamed of myself if I ever stood in a playground and told a parent their kid would end up expelled and I'd all I could to make it happen.

Me too, td. Me too.

There are two sides to every story though. I can't imagine that those women said to their friends or DH 'Oh we ganged up and were extremely rude to a poor mother on the playground, and we threatened her child too'. They will see their approach very differently. We're only getting one side here.

What would those mums say if they were to start their own AIBU thread. They'd give info and description that would at least make them look like they may have done the wrong thing for the right reasons.

treelover I agree but sadly there are parents out there who are only interested in their own child and if that child is "suffering" at the hands of another child then they are not necessarily open to the possibility that the other child may have issues that cause him/her to behave in the way he/she does. Also, once a child is branded by one then mud will often stick and other parents will be quick to jump on the bandwagon.

There is a child in my ds' school who is at real risk of being branded like this and I feel very very sad for him. On the surface he is a very agressive child. He is quite tactile and comes across as very agressive, and a lot of children have been hurt by him. Thing is that if you look at this child on the surface all you will see is a nasty little thug, but spend a couple of days with this child in class and it soon becomes very clear that there are far greater issues that are causing this behavior in the first place. But the majority of parents don't know that. And so because he's been in trouble for hurting some children in the past, now if children in this class are hurt it is often automatically assumed that this child is to blame (and generally he isn't).

And there are two witches parents whose children are particularly disruptive/nasty (without any underlying issues) who are desparate for their children to be victims and for this other child to be named as the the perpitrator so they can paint their children as angels and use him as a scapegoat. And I want to turn around and shout at them that if only they knew the issues this child has they might think twice, but I go into school in confidence, and therefore it is not my place.

Very true be really interesting to have been a fly on wall or get their views. It really hopefully can't be as bad as it seems. But then in the experience of some posters it has been so...

Maybe when JoU is feeling less angry and is about we'll get more and be able to help pull apart where this came from .

The school really need to help these people.

actually, I recall a couple of years back someone did post a thread entitled something like "today i made the mum of a disabled child cry and I don't care." and it was along similar lines - that this child had been disruptive/horrid to her child (can't remember the exact circs) and this poster had taken it upon themselves to address the other mother (it was a regular poster iirc).

Think thread was in chat though so imagine it's gone now.

God I'm such an idealist and believe we all should try to get along and care about all the dc's.

I'll be eaten alive at school!!

[s hock]

I thiknk that sums up my reaction to your post, OP.

Hey listen - I believe all parents have the need to approach issues, and that does include the really difficult issues of behaviour and fairness etc imo.

It's the way it's done isn't it?

I can understand the concerns of those parents, but what they did is pure bullying.

Some parents just need to find things to create dramas out of - I see it every day (being a teacher).

You have every right to complain about them - there is no need for that kind of hassle.

You need to remain strong and do what you believe is best for your child - as they are - and try to get the support of the secondary school before these idiots turn this situation into WWIII.

I can understand the concerns of those parents, but what they did is pure bullying.

Some parents just need to find things to create dramas out of - I see it every day (being a teacher).

You have every right to complain about them - there is no need for that kind of hassle.

You need to remain strong and do what you believe is best for your child - as they are - and try to get the support of the secondary school before these idiots turn this situation into WWIII.

Sorry for double post - don't quite know what happened there!

So Raalix, in honesty cos I'm scared of dd1 starting school, are all parents - including me - bonkers?

I may as well know the truth! I'm so green!

Flynnie, yep, still think that you were stirring things up. There was no need for that persons comment but I think most people understood the sentiment behind it. You on the other hand aren't really helping are you? mmm. Let it go, concentrate on the matter in hand.

Hey, we never really know both sides of the story do we? That is the nature of mumsnet and opinion. Based on what we hear, we pass judgement.

I agree on the nature of mumsnet - That seems to be how I see mumsnet cheeset.

Afterall, it could all be made up by a load of people in a room somewhere anywhere. We just have to take whats there and give our opinions as asked.
But then I'm a newbie and I know there is loads more to it than that when you know posters better etc.

Agree thats the nature on mn. Only way it ca be if we dont want each thread to be 2 posts- op and 'what we need to know to help is this from the other side'

this thread smells bad.

Message withdrawn

I agree with Flynnie, the 'crack' remark was tasteless and uncalled for. Insult the parents if you must, not the children.

To the OP, these mothers have behaved in a shocking manner and you should make an official complaint about them.
However I do wonder what has been going on for them to be driven to this.
My dd, for example, has had a chair thrown at her, been sworn at on countless occasions, and generally had her education disrupted by a boy in her class.

I do not blame him or his parents, I blame the school for their failure to handle the situation effectively.
Totally agree with Wannabes posts.