To be FUMING by precious bloody snotty parents

[jesusofutopia]

This morning I took my children to school and was approached by 4 parents who had obviously 'planned' to speak to me together. They basically asked if I would re-consider my son's chosen secondary school for next September as their children are also going there and "don't want to be bothered by him for the next 6 years"

I asked what they were talking about and one of them got really snotty with me and said "He's managed to disrupt their education for the past 5 years, we're not going to put up with it all through secondary too".

My son has ADHD and yes he can be a handful but to say this to someone??!

blardy hell.what did you say?id have found it hard not to say something and im a chilled person.how dare them.regardless of whether they know your ds has adhd-they have no right to tell you he cant go to secondary school of your choice.im fuming for you

Totally what Penthesileia said. Yes it was unpleasant but they must have genuine concerns to raise it with you and obviously don't feel the school is doing enough. How bad is the impact of his behaviour?

I wonder if they - the witches mothers have raised concerns with teachers or head? Be interesting if they had. Surely the school would be keeping you informed if there were these kinds of issues in the classroom? Or with other parents?

I can see 2 sides of every single story [I think] but they really acted in an awful bullying way. They may or may not have justifiable concerns but this was totally out of order.

Get down the school to see head and class teacher and start your detective work!

God that is horrific. I really don't know what to say. I've known some bitches in my time, but faced with that, I think I would crumble!!

You should def have a gin and tonic for lunch at any rate.

tell them to fuck off

we get this crap for ds1 and its a pita (fortunately ds3 is moving to sn unit soon).

if they're that bothered, they and their intolerant offspring can go elsewhere

after that (and this is how I approach it, though am resorting to above method next time):

'I am so sorry you feel like this, perhaps you would like to put your concerns in writing to enable ds to get more suport, in turn benefitting your child'

its unlikely they will, and they may well never talk to you again (people like angry tyrants they can rant about, reasonable caring people are a far bgger challenge) but they might just go away

'we get this crap for ds1 and its a pita (fortunately ds3 is moving to sn unit soon).'

to clarify:

for pita mean heartbreaking, mum destroyingly painful. And a pita.

ds1 remains in ms, ds3 is going to su and I hoppe will avoid this shit

You poor things, that must have been awful for you.

Your son has SN and as parents they should be accomadating of this, at the end of the day the school will be aware of his needs and cater for these with out the other children being too disturbed!!!!

Their issue to deal with, but I would consider saying something to the school as they may know of a way to deal with it all.

I am shocked beyond belief for you, you poor poor thing {{{{hug}}}}}

you must be shaking

One of them is a governor? Obviously a little shred of power has gone to her head and fucked up her judgement

I would find it easier to take this on in writing if I were you, I am bloody hopeless in face-to-face confrontation. Also you're at a disadvantage because you're a decent socialised human being and they are a pack of spoilt bitches with no appropriate boundaries

GOD I am getting more and more angry thinking about this!

Write a statement-style account of exactly what happened, including the overt threats about making life impossible for your ds and having him expelled by year 8. Include how you felt being ganged up on and threatened and how it has made you feel intimidated coming into school. Also that it has affected your sense of ds's wellbeing at school and caused you huge worry and distress about what awaits him when he starts secondary school. Put it in terms that the Head can't ignore and cc. it to the education officer responsible for your school, and to the chair of governors. Ask explicitly for either a meeting or a written response.

I am just flabbergasted, this is so, so nasty

That's unbelievably rude.

Axisofevil, I see your point but surely they could try and find a constructive way of approaching the OP?

That was just plain aggression.

Great plan Greensleeves.
Am also shaking.

'Sounds like the school has not offered your son the support he needs'

I take it you've never tried to get help from an LEA?

heck my son is really aggressive and I can only get ten hours and that involved threats of legal action to secure

so not that easy. But it should be.

Peachy..has the killer line there and is totally correct, they would fade away if met with such a balenced and thoughtfull response.

But oh what fun to just tell the 'F*k you and the S*t horse you rode in on'

You might have less sway with the people that can really stop this heppening though - that's got to be the school surely? Surely they must issue some newsletter or individully talk to these witches parents.

I'd say to the school that the witches are in fact pulling the school into disrepute and insinuating the school is unable to deal with your ds in a fair way. That should get your point across that the school needs to get to the bottom of this.

Ooooo I wonder if they have put their..er..grievences..to the school or just gone for you?

OP, here is the advice I had when someyhing similar happened to us 9not the same but dimilar)- don't know if there's anything that might help but worth a read?

Greensleeves has it nailed.

In fact can you do some generic letters we could all use? Y'know, complaints to banks, stores, utilities, etc etc? So so well put. statement style a great idea too - devoid of emotion but describing how you felt and still feel.

I'd do it soon too.

Still, sooner or later - in 10 years - def tell them to f**k off.

Oh Peachy just read your thread. Not all just first bit - Bless you!

Agree with Penthesileia.

And can I point out that nowhere has the OP said that all the parents were mothers? Fathers are as capable of being this unpleasant too.

Am with Greensleeves on this one. I would also CC the head of the senior school and ask for a meeting with him/her.

Am very and for you.

Poledra - You can point it out but whatever the gender and whatever the background and history, this was aggressive and bullying behaviour from a group aimed at one person who was given no warning.

There may well be issues around this child or around how the school is managing any problems, but they said some hatefull nasty things. Particulary about expulsion in the future. Very threatening indeed.

witches, warlocks. whatever. Bullies are bullies.

You're the madwoman who leaps out from behind bushes to scare the neighbours, aren't you? That was quite funny actually.

I'm sorry about this one. Try seeing it from the other parents' POV. They feel (as you feel) that your son has been "a handful". There probably is some foundation for their belief that your DS is disrupting their education.

So rather than get all oppositional, I'd try to get them on your side. Ask them to lobby the head and the authorities for the support that your son needs. Ask them for help.

If that doesn't work then they have formed into a pack with which very little can be done.

D'yknow, older I get, the more taxes I pay, the less I feel like seeing anyone else's POV. I know I should and I know I can, and I always have and made it part of my life management. [too much actually have never been assertive enough] but no one seems to bother with my pov much so I'm becoming more militant!!

Clearly off the point and nothing to do with thread. Here endeth thought for the day.

And jumping out of bushes sounds quite liberating.

Most of all JOU ple\se don't change your ds's school unless there is a place with better ADHD support available.

I am not the sort of person who 'negects' others; I am on the PTA, worked for a charity, etc etc etc. So when these things happen my instinct is to worry about the other child as much as my own.

That's wrong. Good to have a general concern and be human obv., esp for safety, but each of us has a primary role of protecting our own child, triply so when they have SN.

If this school is the right school for him, go for it. I am sure their non-SN children would be less affected by a move elsewhere anyhow.

Don't let them bully you. NONE of this is your fault. And if they don't like it they can go home and read their daily mail in indignation, who cares?

If a parent approaches me with a genuine concern, I will and do want to help and do all I can to sort out whatever problems there are. If a parent screeches at me or indulges in gang wrfare of this variant, it makes me want to huddle over the cubs and prioritise their needs and only theirs.

I think ganging up on you in this way is inexcusable but it may be that your DS's SN are not being met and he needs more support.
I think you need to find out exactly what he's supposed to be doing because it benefits neither him nor his fellow pupils if his behaviour isn't being successfully managed.

This is the poster who was confused when her depressed neighbour didn't like being jumped out on, and who was given the same Jamie Oliver book twice by her DH as he couldn't find the latest one, along with a ring she already has as he knows she likes it.

I think she has a penchant for what I will politely call 'exaggerating' (sp?)

Sorry if I sound mean but I simply don't believe the OP, and given that she has given virtually zero background on this and wandered off, well, enough said.