to be very pissed off at DH for, amongst other things, cleaning DS's bum with Milton wipes and therefore making it bleed?

[ilikeyoursleeves]

ARGH!!!!

I have just gone back to work after a year M/L and DH has DS for one day a week. For the year I was off I have done 99% of looking after DS. DH plays with him and loves him to bits but has been frankly crap at the practical side. He barely ever changes nappies, never fed him (DS was breastfed at first but he still wouldn't give him food once he was weaned), I am the one to comfort him, take him out etc.

So when I went back to work I had to tell DH what to do re food etc but he is the type who can't ever be told what to do and just wings it. I said you can't really wing it with a baby and there was loads I do that he has no idea about. Anyway, things seemed to be fine over the past few weeks of me being back at work but DS has had a sore bum, I put it down to teething. Until tonight when I realised DH has been using bloody MILTON wipes on DS's bum!!!!! He thought they were baby wipes!!!! I was so angry cos when I changed DS's nappy tonight he was crying so much and his bum was all red raw and bleeding. I said to DH what they were and how it's unbelievable that despite his son being over a year old, he STILL doesn't know what bloody baby wipes are! (and he has used baby wipes before obviously) So DH then started yelling at me saying that it was MY fault for leaving the Milton wipes out, how was he to know that they aren't baby wipes. OK perhaps fair enough in a way but for someone to have a one year old son and not know this is pretty bad don't you think? He then started yelling at me saying that I treat him like I child when I 'tell' him what to do, but I feel I have to 'tell' him things as he just won't listen and tries to 'wing it' all the time. Like last week when I told him what to take out with him in DS's bag (nappies, wipes, food, water etc)- he said he was listening but all he ended up taking out was food and nothing else. ARGH!

I just feel he doesn't listen but he then makes me feel like I'm the biggest nag on earth when I ask him to do things. He said he doesn't want any more kids if I keep going like this so I yelled I'd just have them with someone else. Not that I would (or could, given DS was IVF) but now I feel shit. I said I obviously didn't mean what I said but he just said he didn't want to know anymore and stormed off to have a bath. Now he is on his way out the door for the night.

Bloody bloody bloody men!!!

Am I being a mad controlling hormonal freak or do you think I'm being reasonable?

I feel your pain.

And it must be so lovely to fuck up, blame someone else, and just disappear off, knowing that someone else will take care of everything.

Your fault for not hiding the Milton wipes. Clearly. What else do you have to keep out of his reach?

How awful.
Suggest her wipes his arse with Milton wipes.

And it was your fault. Ffs.

Don't feel shit, he really should know better.

The more I think about this the worse it gets.
YANBU, what an appalling thing to do to his son.

YADNBU, when will men learn that babys take a little bit of effort and thought, liek you say, you cant just half heartedly do something and hope for the best.

for you.

YANBU.
Poor kid having his bottom wiped with Milton.
Can your husband not read a label?
A year is long enough to learn to change a nappy even if he was only doing it occassionally.

Oh, but please do not label all men as useless with kids or as insensitive.
Very unfair on the majority of excellent partners and fathers around.

I think that's a bit harch constance, it's not like he did it on purpose. So he fucked up, he won't do it next time. And he has male pride, of course it wasn't going to be his fault!
Just let it wash over you, perhaps try and tell him what to do in a way that he doesn't pick up on, make him think things are his idea. Or just get a bag etc ready for him so you have peace of mind!

Poor you! Had much the same with my DH, even though he was actually very good. I just wrote instructions/lists and stuck them in the obvious places.

Nagging is only having to ask someone more than once!! If they listened the first time you wouldn't have to say it again!

He probably feels awful aboout it and that's why he shouted. You're also probably feeling emotional having gone back to work (I cried every time I left the house when I went back). You can never get over the feeling that no-one can look after your LO like you can, but it'll be good for you all in the long run.

Hope your DS gets better soon.

I would go ballistic if my DH did this.

But, I do know where you are coming from and probably would make sure that the only wipes were the pampers ones.

DH hasn't changed DS's nappy in months (he's 6MO now) and hasn't ever fed him. He gives him the odd bottle, but hasn't ever fed him food.

You are SOOO NBU

It's really hard. I have a DH who actually really wants to help (lucky me), but manages to cock things up all of the time. I've by no-means cracked it, but I have realised that he relies on me to lay everything out for him. So I've learnt to stand back a bit and let him find his way and that way it has built up his confidence. It seems counter-intuitive when they are doing things like using Milton wipes, but it means that they get confidence in their own parenting abilities.

I feel like less of a nag, but I do watch through the crack in the door sometimes .

sorry but you are largely to blame here

you have been hogging all the jobs and not letting him learn

yes he made a mistake but you could have pointed it out to him more gently

you can't control everything

Fuck me that's spectacularly useless.

Poor little mite.

Go an pour a couple of litres of bleach into his bath.

I'm fairly sure he won't do it again though...

Would he respond better to a list rather than spoken instructions? you could leave it and he could pretend he never had to look at it...

Can you leave Flash wipes by the toilet? He might think they are wet wipes and use them on his own arse

OMG.

DH has frequently mistaken my expensive make up wipes for wet wipes being as they are in the same type of packet, I can only thank my lucky stars that we don't have Milton wipes and I didn't leave them out.

Ok most men don't like being told how to do things and I'd normally prescribe butting out and leaving him to it. If he forgets the nappies when he is out so what, DH did this once and improvised by approaching a lady with a DC of a similar looking size and asking if he could borrow a nappy. It happens.

However this is somewhat beyond this if he can't see that what he is doing hurts your DS. Is there anyone else that can be involved in the care of DS for that day, to train him as it were as he doesn't seem to want to hear it from you so perhaps he might respond better to learning from someone else.

korma, get a grip!

Yanbu.
He should have been horrified at his own stupidity...not blaming you!

Men can however be VERY stupid sometimes. My dad onc went to the shops to get some babywipes for my sister and came back with household antibac wipes and he raised four daughters!

puts on flame proof jacket

i think

yabu

a lot of men wouldn't know that milton wipes weren't baby wipes
if he was practically crap with the baby it was because you let/made/enabled him.

sorry for your poor baby though

But PillockOftheCommunity he didn't just do it the once, he did it repeatedly. And then blamed his partner. It sucks.

Can he read?

milton SURFACE wipes in big clear letters or baby wipes

He must be really rather dim!