to be very pissed off at DH for, amongst other things, cleaning DS's bum with Milton wipes and therefore making it bleed?

[ilikeyoursleeves]

ARGH!!!!

I have just gone back to work after a year M/L and DH has DS for one day a week. For the year I was off I have done 99% of looking after DS. DH plays with him and loves him to bits but has been frankly crap at the practical side. He barely ever changes nappies, never fed him (DS was breastfed at first but he still wouldn't give him food once he was weaned), I am the one to comfort him, take him out etc.

So when I went back to work I had to tell DH what to do re food etc but he is the type who can't ever be told what to do and just wings it. I said you can't really wing it with a baby and there was loads I do that he has no idea about. Anyway, things seemed to be fine over the past few weeks of me being back at work but DS has had a sore bum, I put it down to teething. Until tonight when I realised DH has been using bloody MILTON wipes on DS's bum!!!!! He thought they were baby wipes!!!! I was so angry cos when I changed DS's nappy tonight he was crying so much and his bum was all red raw and bleeding. I said to DH what they were and how it's unbelievable that despite his son being over a year old, he STILL doesn't know what bloody baby wipes are! (and he has used baby wipes before obviously) So DH then started yelling at me saying that it was MY fault for leaving the Milton wipes out, how was he to know that they aren't baby wipes. OK perhaps fair enough in a way but for someone to have a one year old son and not know this is pretty bad don't you think? He then started yelling at me saying that I treat him like I child when I 'tell' him what to do, but I feel I have to 'tell' him things as he just won't listen and tries to 'wing it' all the time. Like last week when I told him what to take out with him in DS's bag (nappies, wipes, food, water etc)- he said he was listening but all he ended up taking out was food and nothing else. ARGH!

I just feel he doesn't listen but he then makes me feel like I'm the biggest nag on earth when I ask him to do things. He said he doesn't want any more kids if I keep going like this so I yelled I'd just have them with someone else. Not that I would (or could, given DS was IVF) but now I feel shit. I said I obviously didn't mean what I said but he just said he didn't want to know anymore and stormed off to have a bath. Now he is on his way out the door for the night.

Bloody bloody bloody men!!!

Am I being a mad controlling hormonal freak or do you think I'm being reasonable?

I could easily have done that mistake myself.

What are Milton wipes?
What purpose do they serve?

Admittedly my youngest was out of nappies under a year ago, but I am unfamiliar with Milton wipes.

If you go back to work, leaving your child in "untrained hands" by your own admission, you make sure he is trained to look after your child. That is common sense. You should ensured you explained what Milton Wipes are, what they are used for, and what they are NOT used for.

sorry all the answers came at one

If I have read the op correctly she does tell him how to do stuff. He calls it nagging and doesn't listen.

I fail to see how this is the fault of the OP.

Yanbu to be hacked off with DH but i bet he feels truly shit now having realised he has done harm to his son (uintentionally). He wont do it again!

It's not - he's an adult, a father and a grown up. He should use his own intelligence to sort his son out for a few hours a day.

IMHO.

ah constance there's the mistake. Don't "tell your husband to do stuff" - answer his questions, fine. But don't nag and tell him. He'll learn, just like you did. Don't be the first person to KNOW everything, unless you want a lifetime of being the martyr.

Dominon I don't know what Milton wipes are either, but I'm pretty sure they don't have a picture of a smiling baby or a pink bottom ergo they are not wet wipes.

Perhaps the OP should go round the house and label everything just in case her dense DH gets confused and thinks a table is a bottle or the TV is a blanket.

hope your baby gets better soon.

maybe you just have to pack everything for him in a bag/box with a big label on it, saying "Use this stuff only"

I don't know. he probably feels really bad about it, lots of men are useless as not knowing what wipes are for what. My dh wouldn't have a clue and was very haphazard in his approach to nappies.

I do though agree that my dh wouldn't think to check the packet. so I put babywipes in one place, just in case.

I think you have to work this out TOGETHER, use your weekends, or acouple of days off if you can, share the responsibilities for changing, feeding packing bags etc and show your DH by example and let him do a fair share. YANBU but you will come across as nagging unless you show him that you trust him...difficult in the circumstances I know but a second chance at being a grown up will work

Would milton wipes cause nappy rash? You wipe them over high chair and they don't cause a reaction, they're prob quite safe

I think it's time to relinquish the care over to hubby, you sound a bit of a martyr tbh

Lots of men aren't as good at taking in and digesting practical information as their OHs but fatherhood really is the time to accept that and try to change it, at least where babycare matters are concerned. Most of the really useless fathers I know seem to be slightly on the spectrum (undiagnosed) rather than out-and-out chauvinists with funny ideas about 'women's work' so they probably do find it genuinely hard to remember, and equally hard to ask for help. Very hard for mums to cope with though, you have my sympathy.

On a bit of a tangent, I recommend Bepanthan for baby's sore bottom - worked miraculously on nappy rash, though not sure if it would be as efficient on industrial injuries caused by Milton!

Well, if I was supposed to launder dhs gore tex jacket, I would not necessarily know it needed a special chemical rather than laundry detergent, unless he specifically told me. If I used good old Bold, and he blew a fuse at me for not using the special chemical, I would be pretty angry. Angry that he didnt tell me, angry I got the blame, and angry about the spoilt jacket (in the ops instance red raw baby bottom)

rookiemater, I dont know, I have been abroad and seen baby wipes without smiling babies on, with only product names, and red and white back ground colour, or blue writing on white background, etc.

I do see your point MP.
But he still sounds like a total numpty and I don't think the op is AT ALL unreasonable to be livid with him.

Dominion, if you'd provided half the dna of the goregex jacket I'd expect you to show some interest in its washing instructions... what a weird analogy!

?Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today. Teach a man to fish; and you have fed him for a lifetime?

A bit of both tbh, yanbu to be really upset about the wrong wipes but I had to google them as never heard of them before and from the image on the site they look like a packet of baby wipes to me. But you are probably being a slightly mad controlling hormonal freak about all the other stuff, yes.

not to say we haven´t all been.. just ime they will learn from their own mistakes quicker than from you nagging. Give him more time in charge of ds and he will quickly learn to remember the nappies. Or the food. We all had to learn when we were on ml aswell and often didn´t have someone else that had already learnt the hard way hanging over us reminding us what a shit job we were doing (mils excepted in this particular example )

I imagine he feels terrible about the wipes.

Too many wipes. Why use wipes on surfaces?

Why not a good old cloth you wipe with, and throw in the wash at the end of the day?

Wipes are no good. Even the manufacturers say they cant beat good old soap and water on a cloth. It is just convenient for parents, they use it and fill up landfills in the process.

Marlasinger, Why not wipes for a 1 year old?

confuses fish with wet wipes
baby coos contentedly but honks of fish and is covered in scales

babywipes are a con anyway

and FGS Milton wipes are an even bigger con

this is why we are in economic meldown TBH