to think its pretty sad they way some mums, with more than one child try to patronise mothers of one saying oh its so easy with one all the time

[freespiritfreedom]

they do not know all your circumstances.

they amount of help and support/babysitting mothers get varies greatly.

if they want to constanly whing how hard it is, why did they have more then?
esp when they have more than 2 as they knew whatthey where letting themseleves in for its like they expect the kids to be grateful for being born.

It's common sense to realise that having 2/3+ children is going to be harder than having just the 1.

Some pple seem to think that having just the 1 'isn't right' & that the child will be deprived in some way unless a sibling is produced. Having a 2nd child just because you don't want an only child is a dreadful reason to have your 2nd baby.

If you knew you wanted more than 1 child then don't moan how hard it is compared to a mum with only 1, we all make our own beds.

Thats the main thing I do find harder about having 2 rather than 1, is finding the time to do cool things with my eldest without being interrupted by the baby.
I'd love to build a wigwam and a totem pole with DS1 but would have to stop many many times to change nappy, stop baby pullng wigwam down, feed him, etc etc and DS1 would get bored and wander off half way through!
And I do have help too - a MIL on hand if I need to go to an appt etc, she will take both boys and DS1 goes to preschool twice a week.

yanbu it is a piece of piss with one though

My MIL has told me several times the hardest number is 1 (she had four, and raised them in PNG in the 70s....)

IME, it IS harder with more than one, but that could because of our circumstances (no family in the country, DS2 with SN).

I would hate to think I whine all the time though!

You're right FSF, it's irrelevant whether it is or it isn't. She shouldn't be saying it.

I just don't understand how people can compare their lives to someone else's and rate them on an "easy-ometer". You can't. We're all different, our circumstances are different. The number of chidren we have is irrelevant IMO.

For me it makes no difference to the ease of my life or otherwise whether I have 1 child or 2 children (and I'm a step-mum so it varies). What makes a difference is all the other things that go on in my life.

Well I'm going to stick my neck out and say that once the second one is past the baby stage then it is easier with two than one. And if anyone says otherwise I want good solid reasons.

I will freely admit that 2 was easier than one as you say twinkle. Once they were a bit independent. Three really put the spanner in the works

Any advance on three?

2point4kids, you highlight very well the things you would like to do with DS1 but struggle cos of DS2.

Your boys will have the beauty of having each other as they grow & your DS1 will never remember you didn't build a wigwam with him

My dd has the luxury of me being a SaHm & being an only child, so therefore having me all to herself! But she'll never have that bond with a sibling, which makes me feel sad The saving grace is I have a sister who is 13 (19 yrs younger than me!!) so my dd does have her.

might be repeating what some other mums have said but i get the "don't know how you coped with 3" thing quite alot.My answer to this is usually "I think it's probably easier when there's 3 of them cos they're company for each other".Now,I don't know whether that's also patronising...but it isn't meant that way.

Oooh - think I may have done this inadvertently!

A friend of mine recently had a lovely DD. (I have 2 under 3 years)

She said she was really tired, and I suggested that I was a bit envious that she was able to sleep when her DD sleeps.

Hope this wasn't unsympathetic.

Er yabu I frequently say to my friend who has2 the same age as mine that I can't believe how easy having just 1 was. I wouldn't say it to a person with 1 dc personally but it is probably a thoughtless comment rather then a dig at you - I think perhaps you need to chill a bit.

I may very well have said 'I don't know how you do it' to friends with 3+ children. And I've made sure they know I mean this out of total admiration for them, I found having 1 a struggle!

My dd is my world but to have another child is out of the question as I do not think I would cope well with a 2nd baby. Mums who have a new baby come along when they have a toddler to bring up deserve a bloody medal, it's no mean feat and good luck to them

I wouldn't say it to somebody as every number brings its own challenges, but DS1 was away for 2 nights last week, first time ever and it really was much easier to have only one. Quieter, calmer, less work, one less person with needs to consider. I had forgotten what it is like to be able to concentrate on one child.

On the other hand I suppose if you have only one you have to work harder to keep them entertained as they don't have a sibling to play with.

I wouldn't ever comment on people having only one child as I know that it is not necessarily through choice - I have a friend who can't have more children and would love them so to tell her she is lucky wouldn't be very kind.

It does sound to me like your "friend" is a bit resentful/ dissatisfied. I bet if you smile beatifically and say "Gosh, yes, I love having so much time to spend with dd" Then wax lyrical about how great your life is and how you are so thankful, SHE will start avoiding YOU That's usually the way I deal with anyone trying to get into a pissing contest with me about how tough life is, tbh!

FWIW, I have 3 under 5, and often get the "don't know how you cope" comments, especially as I also have 2 dogs, 2 rabbits, no mum, no inlaws at hand, work pt and have a dh in the forces, but I always say "It's just what you get used to" and it really is. You do what you have to, and at the end of the day it was our my choice to have 3 kids close together. Your friend seems to have a very negative outlook on the whole thing. Dazzle her (or pee her off completely!) with your positivity and I bet she never mentions it again!

Shhh! (that's a shhh, as in ...calm smile,finger to lips and parent-to-parent smile!) As said before, it's not a competition! Enjoy, whether we choose or have no choice in not having a second...whether we have one or seven children, at least we had the choice to enjoy being a parent! It's great (and sometimes crap!) but it's great...anyone who wants to compare who's got it best...leave them to it...smile...and enjoy that we get the chance to at least see what it's like to be a parent. Again, shhhh!!! Don't worry!

Ahhhh, pombear your post has left me feeling calm and reflective

Tomorrow I'm going to enjoy being mummy to my 1 dd & not fret that she has no sibling to play with, just going to enjoy her & leave the rest behind...

adorabelle, glad that I've given some calm! There's so much worry (and some judgement) about one, two, three etc, that we lose sight of what we've got, whoever we are. Enjoy it...and to whoever is reading this, enjoy it when you can, and when you're not enjoying it, turn to mumsnet to get perspective, reflection, and a reality check, but do remember that every post is only one person's perspective. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, whoever we are!! And whoever we are, we're parents, mostly doing the best we can!!!

adorabelle, glad that I've given some calm! There's so much worry (and some judgement) about one, two, three etc, that we lose sight of what we've got, whoever we are. Enjoy it...and to whoever is reading this, enjoy it when you can, and when you're not enjoying it, turn to mumsnet to get perspective, reflection, and a reality check, but do remember that every post is only one person's perspective. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, whoever we are!! And whoever we are, we're parents, mostly doing the best we can!!!

Ooops! Lurker's apology....one click (so you thought) and you're talking too much!!!

Pombear - I totally agree that we should all be thankful for what we have. I was so relieved when we were finally successful in having DS. I was at last a member of the club. Except I'm not really - now I find that to be a real proper parent you have to have at least two. Well tough - I've got one, it's likely to stay that way, and being as he's a very bright & demanding child (in the nicest possible way) I defy anyone to tell me that it is easier having just him on his own. I also don't need reminding constantly that having just the one isn't ideal.

Jajas - I think it's a given that twins are harder than singletons! Although I must admit to secretly wishing DS had been twins so I'd have two for the price of one so to speak.