to be fuming that my daughter was not 'allowed' a pudding at her friends house because she didn't eat her meal

[conniedescending]

Still cross about this now whenever I think about it. Collected dd this evening and she was quiet on the way home. Asked her what the matter was and she finally told me she was upset because she wasn't allowed any of the cake that her friend and rest of the family had in front of her.

she said the mum siad it was because she hadnt eaten her meal so she couldnt have any. Was quite suprised because dd is a good eater and not fussy so asked what she had had - omlette, chips and salad.....she said she had eaten her chips and salad. If this wasn't bad enough the friends mum had asked me yesterday what dd would eat for tea and I said 'oh anything...except she won't eat anything eggy'

i need some perspective on this because I really want to address this with the woman tomorrow.

YANBU

Dd2 once went to a friends for tea and the mother wouldn't let dd leave the table until she had eaten everything on her plate. Dd2 wanted to leave some pieces of raw carrot but was told she had to eat them.

I didn't say anything to the mum as dd asked me not to, but we refused further invites.

yanbu

I have different rules for my children and their guests.

I don't know if it's right or not but my children understand.. they don't eat their veg they don't get cake..friends don't eat their veg, they still get cake. Unless the mum has told me.. can you make sure they don't have pud etc. Or unless no one gets cake.

It's not up to me what kind of diet my children's friends eat! I think what the lady did is rather strange.

YANBU

I don't believe the crap that this mother came out with i.e. "My DH wanted an omlette". No he didn't, that PITA mother was trying to show the OP a lesson on how to treat fussy eaters. She sounds like an alpha female and I would give her and her freaky ways a wide berth.

As someone who doesn't regard herself as a fussy eater I wouldn't be able to eat anything eggy, cake or no cake.

Crackfox is right -- one of those who thinks: I bet I can get her to eat egg.

I feel a MIL moment coming on with that thought..

YANBU - rude and mean.

That kind of crap can put a kid off wanting to eat at someone else's house for life. (well for a long time, anyway.)

lifes too short for threads like this

Did you ask her about the cake when she apologised about the omelette? That makes her come across certainly as weird, if nothing else. She knew your dd didn't like eggs, she gave her eggs anyway and then punished her for not eating her eggs. Curiouser and curiouser......

Giving a visitor something you know they won't like isn't fair, and then withholding a treat on the basis of the child not eating it is not right at all. I wouldn't send your dd there again not because of the mother, but the controlling dad. It doesn't sound a healthy environment. I'm sure your dd will get over it, and inviting the other child over sounds a very good idea (plus the cake in her box). I'm happy with the idea that other people do things differently, and think it is a good idea for kids to experience variety but also think you need to make sure you are not setting your children up to fail.

Silly woman,but I wouldn't mention it tbh,just give DD a treat yourself and tell her not to be upset.

What a dreadfully mean spirited thing to do. This woman obviously has no idea about entertaining!

You should (loudly so others can hear) ask her over for dinner yourself and slip in something along the lines of "and if you don't eat all your greens, there'll be no pudding!". Ha ha ha ha. That would be funny.

YANBU!!!!
HAve not read the whole thread, but this makes me so angry on your behalf!
We had the same situation with an igorant woman that for some reason several of DS2's friends parents use for babysitting/afterschool care. ( she is ignorant for several reasons, but specifically she took it upon herself when DS2 was in reception to FORCE him to eat broccoli.) He was very upset when I collected him.
What business of hers was it if he ate it or not????
Needless to say, he has not gone back to that house, and it still riles me 4 years later... I alwasy tell parents of his friends - it does not matter if he eats nothing!!!
If we have a guest (of any age!)I do not consider it my buisness to police their food. And as to denying the guest cake when the rest of the family are having it

I am completely as one with you connie. I could never eat an omelette. I find eggs as disgusting as, say, a kangaroo's testicles, if not more so. I think the woman is a stupid bitch to be honest, and the thought of all the family tucking into cake in front of their guest who is sitting there being punished actually makes me feel very cross indeed. What appalling manners they have.

yanbu

what a bloody mingy cheek.
goes to read op.

It's also got nothing to do with omelettes. If it were me, she could have left the whole dinner and I'd still have given her some cake. Some people are incomprehensible, aren't they?

ok read it.

i cannot imagine not giving a child a bit of cake if everyone else was eating it.

ooohhhhhhhhh i am and if it were me, 'their rules thier house' or not, i would think twice about my child going to a house where she was made to feel rotten.

FGS she ate the chips and salad.
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Fennel, you make excellent points.

We forego the pleasure of our daughter's company from time to time, so that she can find out that the whole world doesn't revolve around her the way this house does.

And also because she thinks it's bloody good fun (usually) and prefers other people's houses to ours .

She learns other, and sometimes better, ways of doing things (not in this case, obviously, but if you want them to learn about the better ways they have to learn about the worse ways too).

I have never forced a visiting child to eat when s/he didn't want to or deprived him/her of something s/he did want.

But I have stopped them from getting down from the table while my dd is still eating, going into another room and turning on the telly. Because in our house we keep each other company till the last one has finished. So if they eat with us they need to do that too.

It does sound mean.

Im not fussy about food, I like most things, will try anything once and can easily tolerate foods im not particularly keen on (they may not taste great to me, celery for instance but I would eat it with no problems if I had to). But if I say I dont like something it does mean that if I put that in my mouth I will be sick. There's only one thing that can do that to me which is any kind of fat on meat.

If your dd feels that way about eggs then I sympathise. When I was younger my stepmother forced me to eat onions. It's not that I didn't like them, I eat them now but they burnt my throat (I used to have all sorts of weird things wrong with my nose and throat as a child). She refused to let me leave the table until I had eaten onions, despite the fact I was sobbing in pain and when I said I really couldn't take anymore she smacked me!

As you can imagine, my mum was not impressed when I got home and told her what had happened. She drove all the way back to my dads and let rip

Eemie, you're right to do that, it's just manners isn't it? Asking them to wait.

I do feel in the OP's case though it's a blatant case of setting the child up to fail, with a meal she wouldn't be able to eat, and then the humiliation of sitting there while they had cake. Think the mum might be under the silly arse husband's thumb a bit there.

Guilt trip the mother - in the 'nicest possible way' of course...

i'd just leave it. your dd had no cake. ah well.

when i was a child, i forced down haddock and beetroot (on two separate occassions thank god) because my mum had given me instructions to eat what i was given.

i don't think it's that big a deal really. i wouldn't charge back to the other mum and bring it up. that would just cause unnecessary bad feeling. the children will let it go, and the mothers will stew on it for weeks. NOT worth making an issue over it.

"bullying" "cruelty" "some people get off on being mean to kids"

it's a piece of cake, ffs!

I broadly agree with fennel, with the additional factor that I'm shit-scared when ds1 goes to other people's houses in case he pelts everybody with dessicated coconut or stands in their birthday cake or something

I got into deep shit with a friend of mine recently because I offered to get the peanut butter out for her dd - she didn't like anything I had served and was sitting there pouting at a plain piece of bread, I felt guilty.

I despise the "clear your plate" thing - in fact the phrase "eat it all up" makes me want to hurl aggressively in the direction of the person uttering it

Depends though doesn't it? If dd went to someone's house for tea and they asked if there was anything she didn't like I could probably say most things...because she wont eat bugger all here. So I wouldn't say that and I would expect her to eat what they put in front of her..if she didn't, no pudding, fair enough. She is picky, fussy and silly.

But if its the one thing a child cant eat and it was served up then yes I would be very annoyed at my child being punished.

For instance, if I had a vegetarian guest I would not serve them meat and expect them to eat it just because we do.

YANBU. When my children were small, Their meal or at least most of it before they had pudding. But I would never insist a guest did that.