to be fuming that my daughter was not 'allowed' a pudding at her friends house because she didn't eat her meal

[conniedescending]

Still cross about this now whenever I think about it. Collected dd this evening and she was quiet on the way home. Asked her what the matter was and she finally told me she was upset because she wasn't allowed any of the cake that her friend and rest of the family had in front of her.

she said the mum siad it was because she hadnt eaten her meal so she couldnt have any. Was quite suprised because dd is a good eater and not fussy so asked what she had had - omlette, chips and salad.....she said she had eaten her chips and salad. If this wasn't bad enough the friends mum had asked me yesterday what dd would eat for tea and I said 'oh anything...except she won't eat anything eggy'

i need some perspective on this because I really want to address this with the woman tomorrow.

its a difficult one, house rules shouldn't be bent for other people who are visiting but its unfair of the mum when she specifically asked you what she would like and you told her what she specifically wouldn't like.

we don't have pudding if meal hasn't been finished in our house but i wouldn't push it with someone elses child and hope my own wouldn't comment if i just cleared the plates away.

its horrid to think of your child being left out on a treat through no fault of their own.

FGS, do any of you really think this woman deliberately gave her something she didn't like?? I bet it was a misunderstanding.

Could the other mum have mis-heard you and thought you said that she likes anything eggy.

Otherwise I think it is a bit mean for a guest.

Wouldn't do anything about it personally. A lesson in life for dd.

YANBU, if she knew your dd didn't like egg it was mean to give it to her. You wouldn't invite friends to a dinner party and feed them the very food that they had expressed a dislike of, why treat a child any differently.

However is it possible that she misheard and thought you'd said 'she'll eat anything with egg in it' ?? Just a thought...

crossed post with desperatehousewife...great minds

I doubt giving the eggy horror was deliberate, but what kind of person has a child to tea as a guest then sits and lets everyone else eat cake in front of her while she is punished? Surely that isn't normal?

egg her door - tonight! she how much she likes eggs after that..

only kidding!!

but yes v unfair after asking and horrid to stuff your face with cake when others cant thanks to your rule
weirdy imho

To suggest that a mum would have given a child an omelette on purpose, knowing she didn't like eggs, is a bit paranoid, isn't it? She probably either misunderstood, or forgot. But to give everybody else except your daughter cake was really mean and petty. We have a "no pudding unless you've eaten dinner" rule, but tend to relax it for guests. Also we tend to serve things in bowls so guests can eat what and how much they see fit, rather than feeling they have to work their way through a whole plateful.

Personally I wouldn't bring it up with the mother at all but would (in a "have I got the wrong end of the stick here" kind of way)if it happened again.

OMG this is so like my b/f mum 32 years ago - I have never forgotten how she treated me....

I was asked to go for a sleepover and before I would agree to go I asked if I could watch the last in a series "The ducjess of Duke Street" it was on slightly later than her dd went to bed. The mother said yes of course - when I went to stay she wouldn't let me stay up to watch the tv program and so I missed the last one (never blardy repeated) and I have never forgotten the injustice of the liar that woman was.

Taught me a valuble lesson though, people lie, people do things differently in their own families, people cant be trusted.

Let it go as a valuble lesson your dd has learnt. Like me in 32 years time she will remember and not treat others in the same manner.

I think you should accept that in her house she can maintain whatever rules she wants, and forget about saying anything to her.

But, explain it to your DD saying that that was the other mum's rules and they should be respected. But then buy your DD a special cake from a bakery all for herself on the condition that she eats all her tea up the next day. (and make her something you know she likes).

That way she learns that; other people have rules that she may (or you may) not always like, and she might earn a nice treat if she abides by similar rules in your house, modified to suit your family ways.

"on condition that she eats up all her tea"

lol IVS. not mentally scarred then or anything!

YANBU - if she knew your dd didn't like egg, she couldn't reasonably expect her to finish her meal. Eggs make me want to vomit, so I sympathise with your dd!

It may have been a misunderstanding about the eggs, but if your dc's friend eats everything bar one thing on the plate isn't it kind of obvious they don't like it? And so you offer them the cake anyway? That's what I would do.

I never force my kids to 'eat up' all their tea. I think that is the way to encourage a bad relationship with food. I try to encourage my kids to realise when they've had enough. I never make pudding conditional on eating everything. The only thing I insist on is that they make a bit of an effort with their veg, on purely health grounds.

Is it possible that the mum thought that your DD wouldn't know that the bleurgh-omelette was made of egg? People make the strangest assumptions about food and children.

"puts my teeth on edge every time I hear that phrase, 'your house your rules'. What's that got to do with being a sensible, considerate human being?"

Totally agree pointy!
Very bad form to do this to a guest IMHO.

I had dd2's little friend over for tea today. They chose what they wanted to eat together, well actually my dd was being all chivalrous and let her little friend choose, she still left most of the meal! They both did - they were too excited at being in each others company out of school to get anything eaten

I gave them both a bowl of ice-cream for pudding and it wouldn't occur to me in a million years not too!! Well, i did make my dd eat her peas first

Your poor dd
I would be upset for dd in your situation ...not furious, but certainly upset.

Guests are special. It's fine to expect them to behave kindly and eat nicely, but the way you manage your child's eating habits is between you and your child - I would never insist a visiting child ate everything before having pudding.

I think it's always worth thinking how you'd react if it was an adult. Would you be happy with an adult guest hitting someone? Clearly not. If you served an adult guest something they didn't like, would you say "my house, my rules, no pudding"? I doubt it.

Children are people too.

I never make a condition on pudding full stop-it is fruit or a yogurt bar fridays, so isn't anything they can't have any other time of the day, so dd eats until she is full and sometimes asks not to have pudding as she is full. Regretted this at a friend's house when they had jelly tho .

you can't bring it up with the woman! noooo waaaaaaaaaaaaay, you'll look bonkers

bit mean but don't worry about it

YANBU. House rules are relaxed for guests, except for naughtiness. Not eating something you don't like is not naughty.

I wouldn't send her there again.

I would never insist on the same rules when my kids have friends over as when they don't. It is a treat and it goes the whole way.

I would ask her why she gave your daughter an omelette when you had told her she didn't like eggs and see what she says.

Well whose rules then? It's not a democracy on my house, more of a benign dictatorship...that said, I would have listened about the egg.

And even though I'd say to my kids, come on, on more mouthful of peas (or whatever) I'd never push a guest to eat anything they clearly disliked. I might say, why not try it, I think it's nice, but that's all.