to be fuming that my daughter was not 'allowed' a pudding at her friends house because she didn't eat her meal

[conniedescending]

Still cross about this now whenever I think about it. Collected dd this evening and she was quiet on the way home. Asked her what the matter was and she finally told me she was upset because she wasn't allowed any of the cake that her friend and rest of the family had in front of her.

she said the mum siad it was because she hadnt eaten her meal so she couldnt have any. Was quite suprised because dd is a good eater and not fussy so asked what she had had - omlette, chips and salad.....she said she had eaten her chips and salad. If this wasn't bad enough the friends mum had asked me yesterday what dd would eat for tea and I said 'oh anything...except she won't eat anything eggy'

i need some perspective on this because I really want to address this with the woman tomorrow.

I think it's missing the point to say if a child has space for dessert they had space for the main course - she couldn't eat the eggy bit because it repulses her! She probably needed to fill the space a full meal she 'could' have eaten would have filled, with the cake that was withheld...

I love the Paul McKenna diet, this conversation is reminding me of him. Between that and BLW (not to mention my own fussy eating as a child and the humiliation I went through regularly) I have a very relaxed view of eating.

I'd recommend his diet to anyone who is struggling to lose weight - it's suitable for anyone (even pregnant) doesn't involve any counting and I think points may be totally against his diet!

Lotster, sorry I had moved on from the OP! If you read my other contributions here you'll see I don't think she should have been made to eat something her mother had made clear she wouldn't eat (in fact feed / offer her anything BUT eggs- I also said the MrherDP should have had the decency to cook himself the omelette seeing he's the one who wanted it.

Also I said that it is bad form to eat cake in front of any guest, let alone a child.

Thread (getting long now!) just evolved I guess!

Sorry to hijack thread for a minute but tinkerbelle's mum can you tell me more about Paul McKenna's diet. I have the book, is it worth reading? Because I really want to lose weight but also develop a healthier attitude about food.

This thread disturbs me slightly as there is too much focus on food and I am as guilty of that as anyone. It is such a minefield of an issue.

I also think that the variety of foods thing means that yes, you can have space for pudding even if you have had enough mains - there always seems to be that special "sweet" compartment that allows you to have a little something, despite feeling full to bursting on your main course. This may be because most desserts are not hugely protein-based - and it tends to be the protein that causes us to feel fullest.

Scifinerd, I haven't read his diet book but I saw the series. It is really good, it's about not dieting but changing the way you eat and your attitudes towards food. He also teaches some reprogramming techniques.

thumbwitch [shudder] I've not noticed that one! I'm slightly pedantic about my English, probably because of my dyslexia in a weird way!

I agree with you about room for desert, I often find it soothing to eat something sweet when I'm full. I think it's like that experiment in science where they fill a jar with stones till it's full, then pebbles till it's full, then sand till it's full and then water. Just because I don't have a chicken shaped hole in my belly doesn't mean I don't have an icecream shaped hole!

I do hate this insistence on table formalities, especially with young children. It's so old-fashioned and uptight.

Connie, the woman's a certifiable psycho. You have to be French to make a great omlette, and I'm assuming this woman wasn't, in which case, it was no doubt shit, and your dd was wise to leave well alone.

Give her a biff from me in the morning.

IMO YABU
Not worth bothering about the incident itself.

Worse imo its definately not a good idea to teach a child mum/dad will go in all guns blazing just because child has a bit of a sulk over something minor.

Trying to enforce your idea of manners on my child when you've deliberately set them up to fail is not "nothing"! I'd find it insulting that they were saying something about the way I brought up my child and I would be angry that they'd set her up.

oh calm down ffs lol

But you are a bit off the mark, Elenor. We are assuming that Connie isn't going to go in with all guns blazing, and certainly not in front of her daughter or her daughter's friend.

The woman was rude and inhospitable to a young child who's trying to learn the ropes. She sent out a confusing signal.

Teenagers, of course, can go fuck themselves on the subject of food and all things related, but young children just need to belong. This was an exercise in exclusion.

Who needs to calm down?

Has it not occured to anyone (apologies if it has and I missed the posts) that the father in that household might rule it with an iron rod, and the poor mother might have had no say in either what they were to have for their tea, nor whether she would be allowed to relax the 'no pudding' rule?

Abused wives don't generally have a neon sign around their necks advertising the fact, but that's what I reckon here. Poor woman.

That's so weird and wrong ... to sit and eat cake and tell your guest she can't have any. Your guest who is a small child!

YANBU. Definitely not.

I wouldn't bother with them. Either that or invite the firend for a return visit and get her on the naughty step for every little thing;)

That's rather a shocking leap to make on the basis of virtually no information squiffy

MN strikes again

I didn't immediately assume that there was a controlling partner.

There's no evidence.

OP, do you think that's it?

OK the facts - she asked what the daughter liked/didn't like, then prepared something that she knew she didn't like, because her husband told her what to cook.

What other explanation makes sense? you don't ask the question about likes/dislikes and then completely ignore it. And if you do, you don't then sheepishly apologise, do you?

All the other explanations make no sense at all. OK maybe 'abused' is too strong a term. I should have said 'totally dominated by her husband'. But IMO there's only a very fine line between the two.

even if that is that case, squiffy, surely she could have given her daughter's guest something other than omelette? maybe just a lrger portion of chips and salad, or some grated cheese, rather than give the poor child something she knew she didn't like?

I don't see that just because the H wanted omelette, everyone else had to have it too. It's not like it would have been one massive omelette that was divvied up between them, is it? They would have probably had individual omelettes?

you know, this is why women have this reputation for becoming endlessly fixated on trivial points of gossip

if I want to do something unreasonable or am embarrassed to say no to something I DON'T want to do, I sometimes say it is because of dp

shameful but true

i wouldn't be surprised if same rule applied here

aaarrrggghh Desi AND Franny

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