to be fuming that my daughter was not 'allowed' a pudding at her friends house because she didn't eat her meal

[conniedescending]

Still cross about this now whenever I think about it. Collected dd this evening and she was quiet on the way home. Asked her what the matter was and she finally told me she was upset because she wasn't allowed any of the cake that her friend and rest of the family had in front of her.

she said the mum siad it was because she hadnt eaten her meal so she couldnt have any. Was quite suprised because dd is a good eater and not fussy so asked what she had had - omlette, chips and salad.....she said she had eaten her chips and salad. If this wasn't bad enough the friends mum had asked me yesterday what dd would eat for tea and I said 'oh anything...except she won't eat anything eggy'

i need some perspective on this because I really want to address this with the woman tomorrow.

greeny too

HOUSE

"Sorry about the omlette"?!!!

If she KNEW she had cooked omlette when ytour dd wouldn't want toeat it, then she should have relaxed her 'rule'

Very, very unfair.

If only you could re-wind that conversation and say 'it was FINE to serve omlette - she enjoyed the chips and salad. The hard bit was that you DIDN'T serve her any cake'

I think people confuse 'rules' of the house with 'systems fo dealing with MY children'. perfectly reasonable rule of the house to not go into adults bedroom, or tease dog, or play with water in bathroom - or whatever, or whatever. NOT reasonable to impose, unmodified, your techniques for dealing with your OWN children.

IMO.

Only just read this thread and YANBU at all! I agree with mabanana, that the woman sounds like a stupid bitch. Even if her husband had been controlling regarding the omelette, the mother should still have given Connie's DD some cake (especially knowing she didn't like the main course).

When my DCs have friends round for tea, I don't care how much they eat, they always get offered pudding and, more often than not, a few sweets as well.

Some people are just plain weird - my DD once went to a friends to play after school and spend an hour watching the girl doing her Kumon maths. Great fun, NOT.

But I guess it's all trivial in the whole scheme of things.

Unreasonable - I would say
yes
Something to rais ewith the mother - NO!

It isn't that big a deal. Everyone has their own way of living and it is good to learn this and to respect it at an early age.

She's a cunt.

But I wouldn't bother raising it wiht her. You won't get anywhere. Anyone who insists on somebody else's child who is a guest in her house, eating something they have been specifically told they don't like and then withholding nicer food as punishment, is so obviously beyond the bounds of reason, that to approach her with reason is a fruitless exercise.

And approaching her with violence is overkill and illegal.

So leave it. Honestly, what could you acheive by raising it with her?

Holy crap is this still running??

Mrs TH has directed more of us here.

I think it should go on MP's newsletter so more passing trade clicks on it.

OMG OMG OMG Desi was here !!!

at LittleBella - I like your style!

No she's started up another thread about this one, just so we'll all stay up and keep posting.

seeker on Wed 19-Nov-08 23:35:19
"I'm atill confused about this. So if you have a rule that says no pudding til you've eaten all your dinner (I don't and I think it's a bonkers rule, by the way) you are supposed to say to your children it's ok for visiting child not to eat her dinner and have pudding anyway, but not for you?"

I frequently tell my dcs that it is my job to bring them up, not to bring up their little friends. They do not seem to find this in the least confusing. Of course this does mean that I relax rules to some extent when friends are present, or at least make less fuss about enforcing them. But dcs would probably stick to normal house rules anyway, just discreetly.

Thumbwitch! Are you still here? I haven't seen you for, like, ages!!!

• MrsTH! I think we just don't post on the same threads much now (not enough threads about chocolate, obviously! ) - I have been around less over the last few weeks, what with being in Australia for 3 of them, so was on at odd times How the divil are you?

Ahhh...I thought I'd missed you!

Yes, clearly we've not been on the same threads, I was looking for you a couple of weeks ago (am also and for you that you've been in the land of Oz - was it a good break?)

Well I'm okay, should really be off to bed as I've had no sleep all week but instead I'm writing to you and idly window-shopping online for dresses that I can't afford!

How have you been, me old mucker?

not so bad but had hideous aeroplane-air-con-virus thing, which I and DS have just about got over now. Oz was ok but weather was odd - thunderstorms and rain for 1 week out of the 3, the hottest day for 16m, and the coldest day. Still at least we're not there now and not in Brisbane, where it is high drama with storms and cyclonic weather again!

not that much of a break either tbh - we were doing work on the house that we are aiming to move to late Spring next year - the tenants had just moved out so it needs a lot of work and painting/cleaning etc.

Poor you with your nasty bugs and intemperate weather. And ooh, how exciting that you're planning to emigrate - or are you both Aussies going back home? How exciting either way!

Am going to toddle off to bed now so that I can get up early and get off to the shops to buy one of the lovely dresses I've seen - have an important interview next week so want to look my best.

So glad we've caught up with each other (and ditto apols to connie for hijacking this thread!)

Nighty-night!

oooh, good luck with the lovely dress (link?)
Dh is Aussie, I'm not, but we're going there to be near his mum and for DS's sake.

Sleep well and we must start another chocolate thread at some point!

Night night!

"Worse imo its definately not a good idea to teach a child mum/dad will go in all guns blazing just because child has a bit of a sulk over something minor"

ummm, I didn't go in all guns blazing because I vented on here and my dd didn't sulk she was confused and thought she had done something wrong but wasn't sure what.

As for whether the mum is an 'abused wife' well, who knows but I definitely got the impression her DP was boss from what she said and how she said it. Her dd is coming for tea on Tues and she doesn't like 'any wet food' e.g. anything in a sauce or saucy

so that'll be soup for dinner then

I almost admire this woman's faith in her own cooking. Would it not have occurred to her, even assuming her guest did like eggs, that perhaps it just wasn't up to scratch?

what a mean lady

if you ask a mum, and they tell you what they dont like, then you DONT cook it

and i ALWAYS ask if there is something the guest doesnt like to the mum/nanny

i have a rule that the children I look after must eat all/99% of their meal but if no 1 has a friend over, i wouldnt not give her friend pudding if they didnt finish

if hadnt eaten much, i say try and eat 3 more, and then you can have pudding