to be fuming that my daughter was not 'allowed' a pudding at her friends house because she didn't eat her meal

[conniedescending]

Still cross about this now whenever I think about it. Collected dd this evening and she was quiet on the way home. Asked her what the matter was and she finally told me she was upset because she wasn't allowed any of the cake that her friend and rest of the family had in front of her.

she said the mum siad it was because she hadnt eaten her meal so she couldnt have any. Was quite suprised because dd is a good eater and not fussy so asked what she had had - omlette, chips and salad.....she said she had eaten her chips and salad. If this wasn't bad enough the friends mum had asked me yesterday what dd would eat for tea and I said 'oh anything...except she won't eat anything eggy'

i need some perspective on this because I really want to address this with the woman tomorrow.

Yes, definitely out of order - she knew that your dd didn't like eggs, and yet she was still given them - then punished for not eating something that she doesn't eat. I'm sure that the same wouldn't have happened if something was served that friend's mother's partner didn't like.

Good for you Connie, I wouldn't send her again there either! Not saying for your DD to cut the friendship, just have her DD to your place!

Re those saying it's basically a lesson in life, well surely a better lesson in life is learning to treat others as you would wish to be treated yourself? ie with kindness, consideration, non-meanness? There are many tough lessons to learn in life, but a child is NOT going to learn a lot by sitting down at a table watching hosts scoff cake....

They do sound like horrible people, if the MrherDP wanted omelette so much, he should have made it for himself!

Your DD is definitely NOT a picky eater if she did eat the salad.. well done for her! For sure the other mother could have gave your DD a piece of ham, fish fingers or something quick and easy instead of eggs which she knew she didn't like!!! Or even just gave her more chips.... So so mean!!!
If your DD likes her friend, I wouldn't stop her going to her house yourself, just check with her first if she wants to go... it would be silly that their little friendship breaks other a meal!!!!
And she might like the idea of getting the nice piece of cake in her lunchbox....

YANBU - it's a shoddy way to treat a guest, absolutely. Kindness and respect of house guests should supercede any rules about pudding fgs.

In your shoes I would not send her there again.

I would definitely be mentioning to the mother that you had said your DD does not like eggs. I think it is awful what she did. Your poor DD must have felt so humiliated. I would never do that to a friend of my DS, I struggle to refuse things like that for my own DS when he has not eaten all his meal, I could never do it to a guest. Does she refuse adult guests pudding when they don't eat their meal!!

Sorry, but I think the woman is incredibly mean and not somewhere where I would want my dc to spend a lot of time. If I gave something to a child where it was obvious they didn't like it, I would be pleased that I had cake in so they could fill themselves up.

Some people should just relax and get a life.
YANBU

lol at catissleepy: "I actually dread to think what would have happened if my dd had been refused a piece of cake that everyone else was eating...World War III i should imagine...
mind you she is 2 and a half"

I was thinking exactly the same thing. Mine would have gone ballistic.

Hope your DD enjoys her cake Connie and bless her for worrying about it.

And really, despite what your rules say, how could ANYONE sit and eat cake in front of a child guest and not give them any.

This is no way to treat a guest - adult or child. I could understand it if you and your DD were very good friends with this family, and ate at each others houses often, but not for a after school play date.

'her house her rules' my arse, i can't believe this sort of victorian parenting still exists. of course you should be peed off but i would just leave it and send her with her own cake next time with instructions that she is to eat it by herself.

Awful
YANBU, your poor dd.
Can't believe some people. If I was that woman I would be gutted that I had given a guest something they didn't like.
And then to let her sit there are watch everyone else eat cake.
That's just plain mean.
Am not very assertive but I think on this occasion I would have to phone the parent.

yes capricia. It is beyond control freakery. It is also called stitching OP's dd up.

but the OP decided not to say ne single word about her indignation to the woman in question...why?

The fact that it's useful for children to experience rudeness, lack of consideration, different rules and so on doesn't take away the OP's right to rant about said rudeness, lack of consideration, different rules and so on. The fact that her dd will learn that you sometimes get those things in different houses is just the silver lining to the cloud, it doesn't justify the rudeness in the first place or mean the OP is being unreasonable to feel annoyed.

And I agree, the other mother is either just plain rude or bullied. Or possibly has a theory about the OP's child being picky and felt the need to stick her oar in to encourage her to eat egg (but that comes under 'rude', too, really).

But the thing with rudeness of course is that you can't really pull another parent up on that and actualy argue with them - either this example, or other kinds. You just have to endure it, but it's perfectly reasonable to have a rant about it!

I don't have this no pudding rule. Isn't it a throwback to the war/rationing. My parents enforced it with us and I thought it was a load of crap then!

It creates alot of anxiety around eating/mealtimes where there shouldn't be.

Also I really don't want my DCs to have issues around food and eat beyond their fullness IKWIM just so they can have a pudding.

Also the taste of a pudding is completely different to a main course, so you can be fed up of main course and still find room for pudding.

Food/mealtimes should be an enjoyable experience as far as possible not a battle.

The family sound odd and I would be giving them a wide berth from now on!

I find this so odd and so judgemental. Does everybody assume that children report situations perfectly. What if the poor woman offered something else, misunderstood whether the ops daughter wanted cake, or some other misunderstanding that we cant for a moment imagine as we were not there. If she approached the op to talk about how lovely her daughter was and how well behaved then she doesnt appear to be malicious or odd. Perhaps a total misunderstanding and not completely accurately reported to you? I think we all need to be aware that children visitors will leave our houses and report things back to their parents that we will have no idea about. Lets hope their parents have a realistic view of children and teenagers take on situations and dont blame us for things we have not done!

YANBU - stuff "their house their rules"

• If this was the case then she had ample opportunity to discuss those "rules" with you when she asked what your daughter would eat

• She deliberately served up the one thing you asked her not to anyway

• Most importantly she has no business disciplining your child, who, from what you have said made the effort to eat the main part of the meal she didn't like which was very polite.

If you have the guts (not sure I would but I'm a chicken!) then you should say you feel uncomfortable about future visits as you're unsure what previously un-mentioned "rules" she'll spring on her next time.

Bless your LO, bet her cheeks were flaming with humiliation at watching them all eat. Gits!

Soz just realised she ate the chips/salad not the eggy bit, but still, she made an effort to eat all she could

You never forget the parents who are horrid to you!

Her house, her rules afaic.

That's the whole point of going to other people's houses- to see how other people live and learn how to fit in. Your daughter may decide she doesn't want to go to tea there any more, but if and while she is there, she should live by their rules.

but why do they apply to children and not grown-ups? have never understood that. no wonder kids think adults are hypocrites.

Yes, exactly hullygully...

smacks a bit of bullying to me, or at least being VERY hoity. It was clear to anyone with feelings the child would feel humiliated.

If I was going to enforce any rules upon someone else's LO, I'd discuss it with the parent first. It's as polite as expecting the child to follow the rules in the first place.

And "if" she misheard the egg thing the wrong way round, I think she should make a small apology to the girl next time. Kids learn respect by example I reckon..

YABU unless it is a very close friend who knows exactly how you parent they should never enforce their rules on your children and yes YUCK on the omlette too

YANBU

What a rude way to treat a guest.