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AIBU?

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Original poster

to be fuming that my daughter was not 'allowed' a pudding at her friends house because she didn't eat her meal

281 replies

conniedescending · 18/11/2008 21:15

Still cross about this now whenever I think about it. Collected dd this evening and she was quiet on the way home. Asked her what the matter was and she finally told me she was upset because she wasn't allowed any of the cake that her friend and rest of the family had in front of her.

she said the mum siad it was because she hadnt eaten her meal so she couldnt have any. Was quite suprised because dd is a good eater and not fussy so asked what she had had - omlette, chips and salad.....she said she had eaten her chips and salad. If this wasn't bad enough the friends mum had asked me yesterday what dd would eat for tea and I said 'oh anything...except she won't eat anything eggy'

i need some perspective on this because I really want to address this with the woman tomorrow.

OP posts:
GooseyLoosey · 19/11/2008 08:08

I have been known to announce at the beginning of a meal with guest children what pudding is and that it will only be forthcoming if they have made a suitable attempt at dinner (having oreviously told their mother what I am cooking and asked if they will eat it - I change meals if they will not). I have never witheld pudding while guests are present though and never would!

LadyBuntingofCupcake · 19/11/2008 09:41

I think the woman misheard you, was probably not really concentrating when she asked you what your child ate and the word 'eggy' stuck in her mind.

She then went to the trouble of cooking an omelette for the whole of the family (and I always think omelettes are pains in the arse to cook en masse)... and then your dd didn't eat it. SHE was probably fuming!

So maybe today she's thinking she was a bit unreasonable too (which she was) and all of this has been a big old misunderstanding...

Also, you don't know what kind of issues are going oon in her house RE the own dc's eating habits... perhaps she has battled so long and hard to enforce this rule she's lost sight of the bigger picture here?

Fennel · 19/11/2008 09:50

I like it when my dds have to follow other rules in other people's houses. Especially my fussier dds, I think it's good for them to realise they have to be a bit more adventurous, or just put up with things, in the wider world.

One of mine is very fussy but it doesn't hurt her to just eat something plain or go hungry when she's visiting other people.

I tell visiting children that it's a house rule they have to eat some vegetables or salad if they want pudding. I enforce it for mine but not for the visitors but I still tell them it's expected.

FlirtyThirty · 19/11/2008 10:11

I'm with Lady Bunting on this...suspect the mother actually thought you'd said she would eat anything eggy, rather than wouldn't...

I just can't imagine a mother being so horrible as to especially ask what a child (esp a guest) didn't eat and then cook it!

I certianly wouldn't accost mother on cake issue...but how about an indirect approach when you see the mother: "Oh, I've been meaning to say, dd was concerned that she'd upset you yesterday by not eating the omelette you made. Please don't take it personally, it's just that she really doesn't like eggs." Now, if the woman has misheard/understaood your original comment about this, she will be visibly mortified...

Original poster
conniedescending · 19/11/2008 10:15

thanks for the input - well I'm even more fuming now. Took them to school and the mum came over to say what a nice time her dd had had and how polite my dd was etc etc etc etc Then she said 'oh sorry for the omlette but MrHerDP wanted them for tea'. I said 'oh' and did this

no way my child is ever going to that house again

feel really sorry for my dd

OP posts:
onthewarpath · 19/11/2008 10:17

I think it is a bit cruel. Fennel has got a point when saying children should be encouraged to be adventurous with food but, a little child in someone elses house can at time be overwhelmed enough to be a bit fussier. Punishing her for it was definitely not a good idea.

For the simple fact that you had told the mum that DD did not like eggs , let her know that your DD was upset to be told off for not eating something she does never eat(could she have understood you said she only likes eggs?)

I would be fumming if someone was forcing any kind of food on my DCs, but certainly not if a guest finds it hard to adapt to my "exotic cooking" LadyBuntingofCupcake.

FlirtyThirty · 19/11/2008 10:20

Oh dear.
How sad to hear.
I am once again amazed at some people's lack of care and consideration towards others.
I too would be fuming if I were you...go and bake a lovely cake for your little girl to come home to!

Just one thing though...maybe let your DD decide if she wants to go back to their house as and when the situation arises...she may decide the omelette fiasco was less of an issue than time playing with her friend...

Uriel · 19/11/2008 10:23

connie - so she knew and still did it? How uncaring!

MorningTownRide · 19/11/2008 10:25

I know I going to sound like such a troll but I can't help myself -

Boo bloody hoo. She put her DP above someone elses child.

It's cake. CAKE. Your DD is not going to die. If you make a huge hoo ha over it so will your DD.

idobelieveinghosts · 19/11/2008 10:26

Oh that is bad!..really really bad.

As an egg hater myself..there is no way you can eat something that repulses you.....what a very unkind family.

Give your DD a big hug.

Troutpout · 19/11/2008 10:28

i think she may have misheard you tbh. I reckon she thought you said your daughter liked eggs surely. (otherwise she must be a loon to make the one thing you said she didn't like).

Mind you...i had a child recently for tea. When i asked the mother what she would like..she said ' oh i don't know ...she is so fussy..what ever you put in front of her she won't eat anyway... so do your normal stuff'
Dd said that her friend liked sausages..so i thought ok keep it basic and did sausages and peas and carrots and mash. The little girl just ate the sausages ..despite me trying to encourage her to eat the veg. I gave her dessert which she wolfed down.
But then!..her mother had a go at me the next day for not making her sit and eat everything on her plate!
I was a bit like - that is not my battle to fight.

idobelieveinghosts · 19/11/2008 10:28

There is no way i would expect a child to eat anything that they didn't like! especially a guest..and to sit there and eat pudding in front of her....i am sorry but that is horrible....

In my house cake is a big deal! my children would be mortified!

revjustabout · 19/11/2008 10:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JODIEhadababy · 19/11/2008 10:29

Maybe she's alittle bit scared of her DH? He wanted Omlette, so he got it, so maybe his rules are that no pudding if the plates not cleared and she didn't want to argue?

Just a thought..

Jun · 19/11/2008 10:30

Surely if she knew she was cooking something your DD would not like, the kind thing would have been to waive the no pudding rule?

I'd get her a cake too.

idobelieveinghosts · 19/11/2008 10:31

Why couldn't she have made something else for your daughter..her DP could have still had his precious omlette!..or how every you spell the blardy thing!

loobeylou · 19/11/2008 10:31

that is disgusting then - would she still have served your child omelette if you had said she was ALLERGIC to egg, just because her DH wanted it? surely HE could have an omelette and everyone else something else??

OrmIrian · 19/11/2008 10:33

I don't Jamie Oliver other people's children. My responsibility is to make sure they are safe and happy in my house and if they don't like what I cook I am not going to make a big deal of it.I think she was out of order.

Poor DD.

OrmIrian · 19/11/2008 10:33

I don't Jamie Oliver other people's children. My responsibility is to make sure they are safe and happy in my house and if they don't like what I cook I am not going to make a big deal of it.I think she was out of order.

Poor DD.

CatIsSleepy · 19/11/2008 10:33

aww that was mean then
she really should have cut your dd some slack knowing she didn't like eggs!
i don't think there's any way I'd refuse a guest their pudding and then sit there and eat it in front of them anyway...that's taking house rules too far

give your dd a treat
does she go there alot?

Fennel · 19/11/2008 10:34

But that's one of the big pluses of going to another house for meals. Children learn that things are done differently, and they have to learn to cope with something which will come up again and again in life - what to do when there's food and you don't like it, or there are rules you aren't used to, and when you don't have your fond parent championing your every need.

It'll happen when they go away for school overnight trips, brownie camp, etc. Going for tea at a friend's is a useful first step.

If the dd didn't like going for tea, she needn't go again.

CatIsSleepy · 19/11/2008 10:35

I actually dread to think what would have happened if my dd had been refused a piece of cake that everyone else was eating...World War III i should imagine...
mind you she is 2 and a half

TotalChaos · 19/11/2008 10:35

I think - fine to have served the omelette - as who knows, maybe your DD might have decided to try a bit, and there was chips and salad too. But I think very rude not to let her have cake.when everyone else did.

onthewarpath · 19/11/2008 10:39

I am with Flirty about not sending Dd there again as your DD might feel it is her own fault she can't go again (also I would not let her stay for tea), ask her how she feels about it.

Tidgypuds · 19/11/2008 10:39

To give her something that was 'eggy' after being told that your dd doesnt like that and then 'punish' her for not eating it that so out of order!!!
I would have certainly have said something and Im not keen on confrontation at all.
That is a disgusting way to treat a guest and I would tell her so.

Its not about the cake FFS its the principle of asking what she liked then actually giving her something she didnt and then being punished.

Some people... for you.