to be fuming that my daughter was not 'allowed' a pudding at her friends house because she didn't eat her meal

[conniedescending]

Still cross about this now whenever I think about it. Collected dd this evening and she was quiet on the way home. Asked her what the matter was and she finally told me she was upset because she wasn't allowed any of the cake that her friend and rest of the family had in front of her.

she said the mum siad it was because she hadnt eaten her meal so she couldnt have any. Was quite suprised because dd is a good eater and not fussy so asked what she had had - omlette, chips and salad.....she said she had eaten her chips and salad. If this wasn't bad enough the friends mum had asked me yesterday what dd would eat for tea and I said 'oh anything...except she won't eat anything eggy'

i need some perspective on this because I really want to address this with the woman tomorrow.

I agree with dinny

what dinny said

the rules of human kindness

YABU to be fuming.

Kudos to that mum for not putting up with picky eaters and insisting on rules.

They could have been more discreet about the cake though - saved it until after your child had gone home.

I wouldn't say anything either. But I'd tell all my friends

Is it worth losing a friendship over? Probably not. Let it go, there are bigger things in the world to get upset about.

Squeakypop, so there is nothing you don't eat then? Snails? Frogs legs?

I do fake apologies in this sort of situation (is this passive aggressive?)
'I am terribly sorry dd1 didn't eat her tea - she would have been physically sick if she'd eaten egg so it's probably for the best, but I'm sorry because it's not nice having a child who makes a fuss at the table is it?'

jeez I'm amazed any of you lot have friends at all

Luckylady - VERY passive aggressive! I do so hope you don't communicate that way all the time, it's so bad for relationships. (well, you did ask!)

Any chance your friend heard it as 'oh anything .. 'specially anything eggy'??

Squeakypop there is a difference between a picky eater and one who doesn't like a particular food. Why bother asking what the child dislikes/likes then totally disregarding it?

I'd have to be really restrained from saying something terribly bitchy like, 'thanks for having DD over. Heard the pudding was good, not that she got any...'

Manners are about making people feel comfortable, and they have dreadful manners.

I'd have been upset but wouldn't mention anything to the mother.

I don't go in for clear your plates either as personally think its important to learn when you're full up. As long as they try stuff i'm happy.

Perhaps you could invite the mother round for lunch and if she doesn't eat it say 'sorry no cake for you then' - in a 'jokey' way. Well thats what i'd like to do but never would.

I now feel quite worried about the whole tea thing. I hope this thread is not representative, and that most people are nice to guest children!

That is so mean. How could you sit there and eat cake and not let one of your little guests share it. Especially as she had eaten the chips and salad, and you had told her she didn't eat eggs.

However, I do agree with dinny, not sure I would say anything about it.

And in any case, it doesn't strike me as being an issue to be "fuming" about!

No honestly I don't, but eating cake in front of my child and not giving them any...quite possibly.

squeakypop, she wasn't being picky. She doesn't like eggs!

I agree with Dinny-just don't send her there again

PMSL at traceybath's suggestion - serve her a mile high plate of food then refuse cake!!

I always ask what the dc would like to have for tea? What there favourite food is, that way they eat it and there is no waste. Hopefully they will have a good time and come back to play again.

If a child asks to stay for tea then I tell them what we are having - as they may not like what is planned and can choice whether to stay or not

Yes four, it has deeply effected my emotional state over the last 32 years

not worth your dd losing her friend over this, definitly not. However, I wouldn't be friends with a woman like that. No way, jose. Uptight freak.

It seems mean of the other mother.

I have a very relaxed attitude with regard to the eating habits of guests, particularly small sized ones.

If the other family really sat there eating cake in front of her, I would be fuming too - especially as the mother enquired about her likes and dislikes, then fed her something she dislikes.

I generally would say 'her house her rules' but regarding food its a bit different as she doesnt know what your child eats and how much. We have 'no pudding unless until you have made a good attempt with your dinner' rule, but I know how much my children generally eat and put that amount on. It would be stupid to insist on that rule but put alot more on their plate than what I know they normally eat. Every child's appetite is different so in the case of food I think it is unreasonable to insist on that rule for a guest