to be fuming that my daughter was not 'allowed' a pudding at her friends house because she didn't eat her meal

[conniedescending]

Still cross about this now whenever I think about it. Collected dd this evening and she was quiet on the way home. Asked her what the matter was and she finally told me she was upset because she wasn't allowed any of the cake that her friend and rest of the family had in front of her.

she said the mum siad it was because she hadnt eaten her meal so she couldnt have any. Was quite suprised because dd is a good eater and not fussy so asked what she had had - omlette, chips and salad.....she said she had eaten her chips and salad. If this wasn't bad enough the friends mum had asked me yesterday what dd would eat for tea and I said 'oh anything...except she won't eat anything eggy'

i need some perspective on this because I really want to address this with the woman tomorrow.

Umm, WarPath I never said omelettes were exotic, I just said they were a pain to cook en masse...??!!

YANBU She sounds awful especially as you told her dd isn't keen on eggs.

FGS having a little friend home for tea isn't really the moment for sticking rigidly to family rules, surely.

I am pretty laid back about this sort of thing. I do like reasonable table manners (well manners full stop I suppose) but really it's more about the social thing than the food when they have friends back.

I turn a blind eye to more giggling, hilarity and not eating as much as I would normally expect. But that's what makes it a treat. Like a little party for them.

It just goes to show though how differently some people view the world doesn't it? Nowt as strange as folk and all that. Shame some can't lighten up a bit now and again.

I don't do the no dinner no pudding rule anyway, food isn't a treat and I don't want my Dcs to stuff finish their dinner in order to get pudding if they've had enough, can't help food regulation much.

But even if I did, I wouldn't do it to another child, I mention table manners but not to the extent I do with my own DCs and the food cooked is tailored to what they like.

I'm won't eat fish and I'm trying to imagine what my reaction would be if I went to a friend's for dinner who told me I couldn't have pudding because I didn't eat the main course...

YANBU. Rules should be relaxed for guests. V.rude to scoff cake in front of her.

My dd is bringing home a picky eater tonight... they are having homemade soup. It's delicious and my dds love it but god knows if dd's friend will... but no way will I penalise her if she doesn't like it, in fact I was thinking this morning that I must ensure she has lots of healthy fruit and yoghurt for pudding so I know she won't go home hungry!

Sorry, laduBuntigofCupcake, I was not very clear. I was not refering to the omelette being exotic, I was refering to anyone else's than "mum's cooking" that could appear "exotic" to a DC not used to it. It is MY cooking that I would not inforce on someone (also DS has a friend who notoriously turns up at ours before tea and always stays to eat with us).LOL

If she is invited again, I'd send her. But I'd have a little word with the mum before hand saying again that she didn't like eggs, and if an eggy meal is on the menu then can she please refrain for serving dd any, as to be punished for eating food she doesn't look is unfair.

But this thread isn't really about what all of you would do in the circumstances of being the hosting parents. I wouldn't withold pudding for a visitor either. But I don't mind other people doing that for my children.

It's about other families doing things differently.

Other people do things at their houses which I heartily disapprove of and I don't mind my children going to those houses and learning different ways. Whether those families are stricter or laxer than me.

I think it is the bit about eating cake in front of her that makes me
maybe they could have had it after she had gone if there was insistence on no pudding for consistency sake, but still strikes me as odd

Well in that case fennel perhaps the mother should have mentioned to the op that there were rules in her house when it comes to food..and askif she had a problem with it.

Why did she bother asking op what her daughter dislikes if she was going to go ahead and serve it ti her anyway?

I think you have hit the nail on the head Jodiehadababy

the mum was almost apologetic about it....her partner is probably a control freak type.

and just to clarify, DD is not a picky eater...some if my others can be but not this dd. It's not so much that she didn't get a piece of cake thats annoyed me, it's more the fact she didn't really get the chance to 'earn her slice' because of being given a tea that everyone knew she didn't like.

my dd is very much a people pleaser and she likes to make sure she's done what she's supposed to and 'got it right' so to speak. She was very quiet about this last night because she will be upset that she thought she had done something wrong. She is a worrier as well so I'm sure it is still on her mind.

I think I will invite the girl home next week and then try to avoid a repeat visit back to that house.........oh and gossip about it with my friend

The mum sounds mad (and rude) - but I wouldn't stop my dd going there. Not sure I'd say anything to to the mum either.

When I used to go and visit my friend, they were v. strict. No water at the dinner table. Not allowed to eat and drink. Must eat everything (once got very told off when sneaked a large piece of quiche into the bin - yuck!). You can have a cup of tea when meal is finished, but not allowed any sugar. Only sandwiches on offer were Marmite - don't like them? tough etc.

It didn't upset me, just made me realise what a reasonable human being my mum was (mostly

Just make sure you give her a pudding when she comes home (Bet the cake was chuffy anyway).

Thats so sad, I wouldnt let my children go there for tea the mum sounds evil.

Oh and let you dd know she behaved impeccably, deserved to have some cake, and don't worry some people are just like that.

Lots of parents are mad, odd or rude. Don't you think?

but if you limit your children's friendships to those with parents who think just like you that's problematic in itself.

I do agree that a child should follow the rules in other peoples houses - whether strict or non existant.........but this was just mean imo.

what a horried thing to do to a child sit and eat cake infront of a child i,m alaway saying if you dont eat you meal there;s no pudding " never happens" but most of the time they do eat most of it and i alway make sure they eat all there veg to

oh - i sent her in to school with a piece of DH's birthday cake. She'll be really suprised because she normally has a dull lunchbox

Oh Gosh this brings back awful memories about why I never wanted to go to other people's houses.

One time it was a very odd family of a girl I knew at secondary school. We were about 13.

She didn't really have any friends, she was pretty weird...but I spent the day there once and it was freezing cold, really freezing - they weren't that poor, they were spending lots on a new extension, but not heating. They were quite mean I think.

When it came to dinner time, we got about an eighth of a really small quiche, with one boiled potato. Well I think they ahd more but that was what I got.

It was so odd.
Poor girl - she seemed happy enough, just weird and strange and she used to tell me I needed to 'do something about myself' and I never found out what she meant.

squeakypops are you for real?? not liking eggs and being a picky eater are not the saem thing. and fwiw i don;t think you should ever force a child to clear their plate, it sends out the wrong message entirely. In our house you eat until you are full and then you can sit and wait for other to finish beofre we all clear the dishes away.

we actually don;t have pudding except maybe on a sunday and if the children have a freind round. other than that the children may have fruit or yogurt or a biscuit later.

The woman was being unreasonable but as to if i would sya naythign i doubt it. Unless she asked me if dd had enjoyed herself and then i might say 'well actually as you asked, she was a bit upset that you served her eggs and then refused her any cake becasue she didn;t all her dinner. But i assured her you must ahve misheard when i said she didn;t like eggy things' and smile!

I am amazed that you didn't say anything to her about the cake/omelette incident though....you were fuming about it but then just didn't even say anything....

The mother is a doormat. She would totally lose my respect.

Knowing your dd does not like egg, she cannot even stand up to her husband on 2 fronts: (1) serving your dd non-eggy food either by cooking non-egg for everyone or just for your dd; and (2) by relaxing the no-main-meal-no-pudding rule in the house for your dd seeing she was served egg.

Your dd is a guest and a young child to boot. I would stand up for another child against my dh if I thought he was an arse, and her dh in this case was way OTT in control freakery.

Good luck to her.

YANBU. I agree with the their house their rules thing BUT you did say no egg. Even if she forgot she whould surely have remembered when she saw your dd refusing it.

But mainly because cake is no ordinary pudding. Cake is eaten as a celebration of something in this country and she was being excluded from that celebration.