to be fuming that my daughter was not 'allowed' a pudding at her friends house because she didn't eat her meal

[conniedescending]

Still cross about this now whenever I think about it. Collected dd this evening and she was quiet on the way home. Asked her what the matter was and she finally told me she was upset because she wasn't allowed any of the cake that her friend and rest of the family had in front of her.

she said the mum siad it was because she hadnt eaten her meal so she couldnt have any. Was quite suprised because dd is a good eater and not fussy so asked what she had had - omlette, chips and salad.....she said she had eaten her chips and salad. If this wasn't bad enough the friends mum had asked me yesterday what dd would eat for tea and I said 'oh anything...except she won't eat anything eggy'

i need some perspective on this because I really want to address this with the woman tomorrow.

The woman must have got the wrong end of the stick with the egg. I mean who would do an omelette for visitors unless you definitely thought they liked egg?!

I wouldn't raise it with the mother. It would probably be discouteous to complain about hospitality being not up to scratch, but to cheer her up I'd make or buy dd a scrummy cake to make up for the one she missed out on.

Never mind the pudding fiasco, someone tell Ivvvvyygootscaaared444 that Amazon have the duchess of duke street on DVD!!!!!

I am perfectly capable of making my children clear their plates. But I have always made it clear that my job is to bring them up, not to bring up their little friends. That is something I am quite happy to leave to their parents.

The only house rules I insist on here are the ones that affect life and property (no throwing of balls in any room that contains catfish!).

Heated has a good point actually. Maybe she misheard and made the omlette especially, hoping to please your DD and then was upset when she wouldn't eat it, and so was a bit petty over pud?

We have the eat up or no pud (except fruit) rule in our house, but I would never do this to one of DD's or DSD's friends - that would be soooo embarrassing!

She must have misheard about the egg...surely...that would be too mean!

However I wouldn't say anything as it will just upset and embarass both the kids and its not her daughters fault -poor thing, my mum and step dad tended to be embarassing with friends and I used to want to die of shame.

I'd check briefly with the mum, because the most likely explanation is that she thought you suggested eggs as a preferred food, and was then irritated that your dd didn't eat it. Which is not unreasonable. How old is your dd?

I'm not sure I would impose house rules on a visiting guest, but there may be reasons why she feels she needs to be consistent, I guess. Give her the benefit of the doubt and see if you can find out what happened before flying off the handle I think.

yanbu. poor dd. give her cake and hugs she will be feeling very humiliated i imagine. poor babe ! don't think i would say anything to control freak mum of dd friend - and i guess you could have got wrong end of stick. though i doubt it.

This can't be true. What happened to kindness and making someone feel at home...? When visiting kids ask me with worried faces if they have to finish their tea I always say that thankfully as I'm not their parent it's not my job to make them and what about extra cake instead?

I can't imagine doing this to any child in my house. If we had such strongly held views about finishing meals, then I wouldn't have given anybody any cake.

I would think that even if she 'misheard' you, that it is still a horrible thing to do to a child (especially one that has eaten salad ), so I would be concerned about letting my DC go there again.

I totally agree with fourarms, I think its rude, insensitive and I feel for your dd. YANBU

connie, I would find it very difficult to bring up something like this without implicitly accusing the mother of basically deliberately feeding your dd food from hell and then withholding pudding as a punishment.

Yes, I would just not send my dd there again. Invite her friend over instead.

I always relax rules for guests, children in particular. It is hurtful and bewildering for them to be in another's house without their parents' 'protection' to not have to be singled out and made to feel bad for being themselves. In fact, I don't even have a finish main meal before pudding rule.

Sure recipe for food issues IMO.

YANBU this is horrible, whatever anyones "rules" are your dd was a guest, and to eat cake in front of her is cruel.

For those of you that say "their house their rules" extraxt thine heads from up thine own arses.

I would NEVER do this to another kid it's downright nasty, it's not anyone elses job to "helpfully" parent other peoples kids, keep your beaks OUT.

Agree with blueshoes re food issues, some people don't know how much damage they might be doing with such stringent expectations, I say that treating 2 severe anorexics at mo, v worrying.

oh chippy minton you are wonderful - sat here with tears in my eyes....

thank you - thank you of to look yippy!!!!!

I would not let my DC eat there again.
She is a child, a little guest.
You don't sit there scoffing cake in front of her! Fucking weirdo's.

Peacelilly, I have reconsidered and am extracting my head from my arse as we speak! Of course I would never treat a guest so rudely, but I guess what I was really reacting to was the OP "fuming", which I think is an over-reaction. In her shoes I would say to dd "isn't it awful, we wouldn't do that, would we? Why don't we make something nice for tea tomorrow to cheer you up?"

Good manners cost nothing, and it was poor form to get stuck in to the cake while depriving a guest. I must learn not to be so flippant!

How awful for your dd. I think I'd feel quite indignant about the whole situation too. I'd be quite scared to confront the mum involved but I'd be adding her to my hitlist striking her from the Xmas card list.

My cousins dd came to my house for the day recently. When it came to lunch, she stopped eating and said "I can't eat any more" with tears in her eyes. I told her that it was alright, to just eat what she wanted. She actually carried on eating and left hardly anything on her plate. I know her parents rules mean she's not allowed to leave the table unless she's eaten everything on her plate. Having been subjected to this kind of regime when I was a child I've got every sympathy for her.

I used to hate having dinner at other people's houses. Even if the food was perfectly nice, there was always something that would transpire to put me off, like a horrid younger brother doing a fart or saying the food was bogies or a dog licking my hand or something.

And I clearly recall being served spaghetti bolognaise at about 6 with a fork and spoon and I had never had spaghetti before (this was the early 1980s) and just thinking "what in god's name am I doing with these string things" but battling on and my friend's mum saying "oh, haven't you had spaghetti before" and not wanting to look naieve I said "yes".

Good times, good times.

ozzie, bless you - I remember feeling similar about eating at other people's houses and my SIL still feels uncomfortable eating in social situations because she was such a picky eater as a child - mealtimes were generally something she had to "get through". And Margo, poor little girl. - I don't understand the "you have to finish everything on your plate" rule. How can you gauge someone else's appetite.

Anyway, where has Connie gone - she is missing all this support which is pretty unheard of on a AIBU thread

What a beastly woman this mother of your DD's friend is . I would never insist on a visiting child eating anything.

YANBU, they were very mean. I would discourage the friendship too!

Maybe she just forgot about the eggy things, but really, why ask if you're not going to take it on board?

When my DS1's friends come over, and if they don't finish, I presume i just served up too much. We normally just have fruit after, so if they want some of that I give them some even if they haven't finished (we make him finish though if he's on his own).

I would NEVER sit down with the rest of my family, and eat cake, and have a visitor not joining in with us.

Bad form.