To feel a bit sad for children in nurseries 8-6 every day?

[SlightlySad]

It struck me yesterday as I took DS2 to the aquarium then for a walk along the seafront that he was very lucky to be doing this. He'd had a few hours chilling out in the morning, taken his big brother to school, had a fun trip out, then back home for a nap.

If he had been in nursery since 12 weeks, then he wouldn't be doing half the things that he does - mother and toddlers, soft play, baby classes, singing classes, trips to the park, pre-school sessions... I know that some nurseries do these things, but it's not every day, and these are the better nurseries. Some children must spend most of their week in one room. I think this would drive DS2 mad.

I'm very lucky in not working, but this isn't a SAHM vs WOHM issue. I just think if I had to go out to work, that I would choose a childminder to care for my children rather than sending them to a nursery.

If you chose a nursery, does yours do lots of extra stuff? Do the children leave the nursery building/garden often? Why did you go with a nursery and not a CM?

By UnquietDad on Sat 15-Nov-08 10:51:23
oh good grief

Fantastic UQD! ROTFL!

this is being nosy - whats the average price of nurseries vs childminder?
Was flicking through the jobs pages and most jobs were 16 - 22 K a year 40 hours a week. How much help does the govt do with childcare? Do some poeple end up working for £1 n hour cos childcare sucks all the money away?
I know the agency we use cahrges £15.75 an hour which is a bucket load and probably way more than the average wage.

LOL LOL @ UQD

UQD - that's brilliant

Pinched from a certain TV-related forum, where it is used every time there is an "oh, not this shit again" moment or something similar!

LOL @UQD!

needmorecoffee - my children are older now, so not at nursery, but I gather £30/35 per day is about the norm round here.
You are absolutely correct that many people end up working for very little, maybe about £1 an hour, after paying childcare. But it's a trap isn't it? - if you need that extra pound an hour because you'll lose your house without it, then you need to do it.
I don't know all the ins and outs of tax credits, or help with childcare, but yes, there is a lot of help out there, certainly far more than when my kids were little, which is a good thing. Although I still think that the people who get a really tough deal are the ones who never qualify for anything because they are just over the threshold, but then end up struggling to make ends meet because they have no option but to work.
Personally speaking, I went through a phase of earning sweet FA from my job, as I had two kids at nursery plus before and after school care for my eldest. But I wanted to keep my hand in with my career, as I knew that if I stepped out entirely, it would be really hard to step back in again a few years later.
And yes, now I'm getting the pay back because I am in a senior position, which I very much doubt I would be if I'd taken a few years out.
But it's very tough, and I think it's a disgrace that so many people are caught in that 'middle' trap.

I don't think YABU, in my circumstances I would feel sad for my ds if he was at nursery all day. It's not the type of childcare I would choose, which is why I use family based childcare when necessary.

However, different things suit different people, and some children get at nursery what they wouldn't have at home.

I don't think the OP is trolling or anything like that - it's a valid question. Although your link is very funny UQD!

B's nursery is £34 a day for which they provide two meals, snacks and all nappies. I thinks thats a pretty good deal tbh. I'm a bit better off through working but not much - but I have my independance. I know I've got skills and a career which I am developing. What ever happens to my family (and I pray every day nothing bad does) I know I can support us. I also know that the skills and abilities I have weren't given to me just to expend on my family - I work because I enjoy it and because I do a good job and because I can in some small way make things better for people. Thats my choice and my children seem fine with that.

ours is £35 a day - breakfast, lunch and dinner, 2 snacks, but we have to provide nappies ad wipes and formula if necessary

Teenytiny - family based childcare? How lovely for you. I and many others on this site have no family within a hundred miles so paying a fair rate for a service outside the home is our only option. How do you know what nursery is like if you haven't used it btw? Asking questions about what options there are is fair enough. Feeling sorry for other peoples children is just patronising crap imo.

YABU.

I'm a SAHM, but i don't judge other parents on the choice they make.

I also wish that there was a way of stopping first time/namechangers from posting threads like this for no other reason then to either upset or judge other people.

don;t think babies of 12 13 14 15 16 etc weeks benefit much from playgroups aquariums etc they are frparent not child at that age. When they are older - nursery provides a self contained playgroup ie interaction with older children and if I'm correct they ned access to outside space in order to get approved.

I don't use a nursery but I think your pity is a bit misdirected.

Pity a child without competant parens and/or carers regardless of what or who those carers are. Children not in nursery are just as likely to have shitty unfulfilling lives IME as those in nursery

TeenyTiny..hope you realise just how lucky you are and also hopefully you realise that most people would not have the option.
I mean, now we live nearer family than ever, but using them for childcare stll would never be an option (mil is in the later stages of alzheimers, so, dFIL has his hands full as it is already!)

Good post northernlurker.

Also, I'm always reminded though of the numerous threads on MN where people use grandparents/extended family for free or very cheap childcare and then moan because things aren't done how they want them to be!

I had a friend who returned to work after her first maternity leave at the same time as me, and although on the surface she used to rave about how wonderful it was that her mum did the childcare for her, I sometimes wondered whether she felt she had to rave about it because it was all she could afford so therefore had no option!

ahh - I see NorthernLurker has just made the point I was about to make about family based childcare options - my nearest family are also 100's of miles away - and besides I wouldn't want them looking after my DS's anyhow - we're barely on speaking terms at the moment.

I don't usually let it bother me when people talk about their use of family based childcare (most of my RL friends have the luxury of it) - but when people make the assumption that I have family close (in distance and in terms of how well we get along) it does piss me off tbh.

what a daft post.why get in a fankle about what other parents chose to do.mind yer beak

Save your energy to feel sorry for those kids who really need it - you'll find a few of 'em in the papers this week.
Mine went to a nursery around the corner from where we live. It's a big house in four acres of land. They keep chickens, ducks and have six dogs. They grow friut and veg.
It takes kids from 14 months to school year and they all muck in together.
The nursery nurses were so nice some still babysit for us six years later.
Mine only went three short days but I wouldn't feel remotely sorry for those kids who went full time.
But then I work with kids in care amd see plenty of young lives that are seriously blighted so I guess I have more perspective.

Everybody is getting so angry, but her ACTUAL question was only "if you put your child in a nursery, why did you pick that option and not a childminder?"

I don't understand why people are responding as though she has named them and told them they are crap parents.

"Why did you choose a nursery not a childminder."

Is hardly "someone should beat you, you crap mother who smells of shit."

Hecate - that was only one of her questions! She started off by feeling sorry for the children in nurseries who she assumed were deprived of opportunity (apparently going to aquariums is compulsary now)then went on to assume that all nursery children were tied to one room all week. ( I rather imagine she thinks of it like a barn full of battery hens actually - rooms full of toddllers with no room to turn round) She also assumed that children at nursery all week have been there since 12 weeks old and tried to claim it wasn't a sahm/woth issue. well if it looks like an attack on the choices of working mothers and it sounds like an attack on the choices of working mothers then it IS an attack on the choices of working mothers. Posts genuinely asking for inormation look different and aren't loaded with personal opinion - she was looking for a fuss and she's got one.

Popcorn? Coke.

Nicely done!

NMC - I use a childminder full time for an 8 yr old girl.
Hours are generally 8-6 1 or two days a week, 7-7.30 2 or three days a week and then perhaps one day 6am - 7.30pm.

I pay around £600 a month term time and then £700 - £900 holidays if used.

Childminder is fab, if it's an early start dd can go back to bed for an hour at her house or just have a cudle under a blanket if she wants.
All food is included and cooked from scratch, no chips/waffles etc.
They do activities every day in the holidays based around museums, libraries, swimming etc.
During term time dd is treated as one of the family, ie if they need food shopping they all go, if childminders hubby comes home and fancies a takeaway they include her rather than waiting till she has gone home and so on.

hecate - the OP could have framed the question exactly like that if she'd chosen.
Instead, we got the emotive claptrap about going to the aquarium with her kid (yeah right, children of working parents never get to go to aquariuma ) and then told us how sorry she feels for kids who are at nursery full time. Oh and threw a shedload of misconceptions about nursery into the mix as well - that children are confined to one room all week etc.

Sorry but I suspect the OP is a frustrated housewife who needs a life!

Northern and FairLady, yes I do realise how lucky I am to have family nearby, and I try not to take advantage of them.

I know what nurseries are like because I am a fully qualified nursery nurse. From experience, I wouldn't like to leave my child in one. I say my child, because my choice isn't right for everyone.

findtheriver 'maybe about £1 an hour, after paying childcare. But it's a trap isn't it? - if you need that extra pound an hour because you'll lose your house without it, then you need to do it.'

no one puts kids in daycare for £1 an hour
if they do imo they should't