To feel a bit sad for children in nurseries 8-6 every day?

[SlightlySad]

It struck me yesterday as I took DS2 to the aquarium then for a walk along the seafront that he was very lucky to be doing this. He'd had a few hours chilling out in the morning, taken his big brother to school, had a fun trip out, then back home for a nap.

If he had been in nursery since 12 weeks, then he wouldn't be doing half the things that he does - mother and toddlers, soft play, baby classes, singing classes, trips to the park, pre-school sessions... I know that some nurseries do these things, but it's not every day, and these are the better nurseries. Some children must spend most of their week in one room. I think this would drive DS2 mad.

I'm very lucky in not working, but this isn't a SAHM vs WOHM issue. I just think if I had to go out to work, that I would choose a childminder to care for my children rather than sending them to a nursery.

If you chose a nursery, does yours do lots of extra stuff? Do the children leave the nursery building/garden often? Why did you go with a nursery and not a CM?

My first childminder when ds was at school was great. The childminder i use now for dd is lovely but is not great I have to say. A big drop in quality from her nursery.

worley - so with you there.

OK, a rehash of your OP with the opposite emphasis. It is a parody of the life of a child with a SAHM, just as I feel your OP is a parody of the life of a child at nursery. See why I felt offended and by the OP yet?

It struck me yesterday as I took DS1 to nursery then had a quick chat with his favourite nursery nurse that he was very lucky to be doing this. He was given a big cuddle by N (one of the staff) before spotting his little friend R across the room and running off to play with some of the toys already out.

If he had been at home his whole life, then he wouldn't be doing half the things that he does ? crafts, baking, music (I am not at all musical), making friends with so many other children... I know that some mothers do these things, but it's not every day, and these are the better mothers. Some children must spend most of their week stuck in front of DVDs or being dragged around the shops in buggies. I think this would drive DS1 mad.

I'm very lucky to have a well paid and stimulating job that I enjoy, but this isn't a SAHM vs WOHM issue.

If you chose to stay at home, does you do lots of extra stuff? Do the children leave your home /garden often? Why did you not go with a nursery or a CM?

Captainkarvol talks sense. My children both went to nursery from a very young age (weeks old- shoot me!!) and I would never regret it. They loved nursery and was loved by the nursery staff- they had a great time there.

OK, I'll rise.

I have had to return to work so that our house doesn't get repossessed. I have been very lucky to find a school hours job but with travelling, doing the school run for other children etc it means my youngest (age 2.2) is in nursery from 0830-1630 most days (I can pick her up at 1530 a couple of days a week).

The nursery is fantastic, it's enormous with different areas for role play, messy play, art, sleeping, eating and it has 3 garden areas. The staff are wonderful and she loves going there.

I have used childminders in the past and never again - I didn't like being dependent on one person for childcare and have no family around to fall back on should the childminder be ill on holiday or let me down. I also think unless you are lucky enough to get a really good one (and I know they are out there) you are putting your child into a vulnerable situation, especially for a younger child that can't tell you what they are doing.

Marvellous post, CaptainK..

I wouldn't necessarily choose a child-minder over a nursery because nurseries have many advantages as well but it does make me sad when some children are at nursery from 8am - 6pm five days a week. I used to work in a nursery a few years back and there were several children that were there all day, every day. We didn't go out for walks or many trips with the children although there was a garden. I also know someone who had tried for years to have another baby and after many miscarriages and much heartache finally had her lovely baby and by twelve weeks, he was at nursery all day every day because she went back to work full time. I appreciate that many people have to work and nurseries/childminders are essential for this but I do feel for the little ones who see more of their carers than their parents.

OK, so the main reason to not go with a CM is the worry about a bad CM rather than the positive aspects of a nursery?

We have lots of memberships to places to visit because otherwise we'd be bored on rainy days. Surely lots of CMs have similar memberships so your child would visit suitable local attractions.

To those of you with DC's in nursery 5 days a week - how often do they leave the nursery building/garden? Obviously if your DC is only in nursery part-time, then it's not such an issue. However, if they are there 5 days out of 7 for long days, then really that is most of their time.

SlightlySad YANBU - but, as you say you are lucky to be a SAHM.

There are two sides to every coin. On the one hand it is great that there are nurserys available these day, enabling parents to work, on the other hand, it's a bit of a shame (IMO) that a lot of mums have to work to pay the bills.

In defence of nusrseries (the ones I've seen) children do have the oportunity to do most of the things you do with your DS. - I don think it can be hard for a little one to relax and chill out a nursery, though. But would you send your DC to a nursery where they watch TV?

Excellent post CaptainKarvol. It's all about choice and making the right decision for your family and your child's needs.

I hate these kind of sweeping statements about children being in one room - from 12 weeks - 8-6 every day. If you really did know any child that lives this way I'm sure they'd be there out of absolute necessity (and would be in a very cheap nursery that only kept them in one room!)

So be smug, but have some compassion knowing that any parent that does this does so with a good understanding about their situation, and not just on a whim because they don't like dicking about on the sea front.

(FYI my DD is in nursery 2 days a week 8-4)

Slightlysad - I think most people have said that their nurseries are great and that's why their children go there although there is also the worry of bad childminders.

Some people have to go to work or choose to work and they have to find a childcare solution that they & their child are happy with. Some people like collective care & others like a cm in their home or the childminders - it's a question of what suits, availability & cost.

"Surely lots of CMs have similar memberships so your child would visit suitable local attractions"

Why would you imagine that this would be true? And if one were to find one of these CM's who came equipped with their own pass to Kew Gardens/Legoland/London wetlands and had a car to carry all their charges around safely, how likely would it be that they would have relevant slots available?

It costs money to go the seaside or an aqaurium. That money has to be found from somewhere. It also costs money to feed, clothe and put a roof over a family's head. With the credit crunch many families have no choice but to have two working parents.

I suggest that you save your pity for the four year old boy who had to sleep on the floor because his mum couldn't afford to buy a bed in the programme Rich kid, poor kid

He had a stay at home mum and which do you think is preferable. Going to full time nursery or being in his situation.

stickybeaker, I'm not sure if you were referring to my post or not but I speak purely from experience. I know the 12 week old baby was placed in the nursery closest to his mum's place of work as she wanted to be able to collect him quickly should the need ever arise. I didn't mention one room and I have no knowledge of that particular nursery so couldn't comment on that but the nursery where I worked was indeed one very large room where the children played, painted, read, ate, slept,etc - spent their entire day, every week day. The garden was small but fine and no, it certainly wasn't a cheap nursery and yes, they were full! I left because I didn't feel comfortable with this arrangement and became a nanny instead!

Why do you need to know?

My DD went to a fabulous nursery I chose a nursery over a CM for many reasons - facilites and activites offered plus no problems with sickness or CM going on holiday and having to book time off work when you'd rather not take a holiday. My Dd is now 11 but will still talk about things that happened during her nursery days. When she loathed Reception class she begged to be able to go back to nursery and be in the school room there.

It's a bit early, I don't really feel like popcorn ... shame ...

I take DS1 to nursery for all the reason s that have been stated (bad childminders/childminders letting you down at last minute, interaction with other children etc) I found that DS1's development came on leaps and bounds once he was in nursery (he only goes p/t) but I would NEVER be brave enough to get all the meesy things out in our house (paints, glitter, sand etc) They do go on trips all the time, next week they are going to a reindeer park and to see santa, and they go to the pond to feed the duck regularly. DS1 comes home after a day there happy and exhausted, and I feel better having a day with adult conversation.

As for doing all the activities with him and having 'passes' I so couldn't afford that, I could barely afford the fees for Tumbletots, let alone regular trips to the Aquarium, so you are very lucky (as you already said) each to there own I suppose.

DD will be going to nursery next year (2days)(providing I get a place). I have chose a nursery over cm for the same reasons as everyone else has stated. I don't feel comfortable leaving her with one adult. She will also be with children of different ages. How will the cm do age appropriate activities for all the children? What if there is a problem? No other adults around.

The 2 nurseries I have dd down at look fantastic.

You sound so self righteous OP. FWIW, all the children I know who go to nursery full-time or part-time are extremely happ, confident, out going and well rounded children.

My dd starts nursery very soon - I also done't 'have' to work but I would go crackers visiting the park, feeding the ducks, going to music classes etc for the rest of my life.

So stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

heh, the ducks thing isn't for the 'rest of your life'. Its a couple of years max. Then its museums and art galleries etc
In fact, dd 4 has never 'fed the ducks' cos our park doean't have a pond.

My experience has been the same as Helsbels - this was a nursery that I worked in. All children aged 2 - 6 were in the same, large room, with a small outside area, all day, every day. This was the room where they played, slept and ate. In 2.5 years there, the children were only taken out of the nursery twice .

The 0-2s were taken out most days for a walk, but were kept in buggies.

And yes, there were lots of children who were in the nursery from 8.00am - 6.00pm, 5 days a week. They had parents who were either working to pay the bills, or training to improve their life chances. I was only sad that the nursery was not providing their children with particularly good care, and it was certainly not a homelike environment.

This was a nursery graded good by Ofsted.