I'm not fond of performing oral sex on my husband, yet he demands it.

[KrissyKat]

My husband whines and complains that he doesn't get nearly enough blow jobs in his life and may start to look elsewhere for them. Mind you, he has a tremendous penis and I am extremely petite. (100 pounds dripping wet) It is completely unenjoyable for me and he conks out straight afterward, with perhaps a cursory grunt and "thanks, doll." What is my incentive to perform this ritual? We've been married 13 years and he is not exactly Mr. Vavavavoom in bed, yet he expects all manner of carnal delights for himself. Has anyone else had this experience? Do your husbands think the porn world is real life and women are breathlessly waiting to please them in any manner possible?

Heaven forbid we just go to sleep or cuddle and I not attend to his stiff little friend. Criminey! I'm not 25 anymore. And he is not exactly captain America, all rippling muscles and thick bronze hair. I sometimes wish I had a stand-in. He's always threatening to leave and I sometimes think, well, just go then and find a young lady who ices her cupcakes and bread with semen. UGH!

[Joolyjoolyjoo]

She's probably collapsed of hypothermia from standing around dripping wet

[KrissyKat]

I have only read through the first page of responses as yet. Geesh. You guys are a tough audience.

I'm not a journalist, though wouldn't that be a nice, cushy job. To address your other questions, I'm not a troll, I'm a real person, who was up late, and a real wife who thinks semen smells and tastes like bread dough gone bad.

Sorry if my writing style offends; I don't mean to offend. Perhaps my odd hybrid suburban/urban New York upbringing has led my communication skills astray.

Just looking for some opinions.

It's very common here for your husband, particularly if he is older and physically much larger than one, to refer to you as Doll, Hon, Honey, Sweetie, etc. I don't know the history behind this phenomenon. Probably has its origins in the dreck of prostitution and whatnot. No idea, really.

[Saturn74]

Can I just check something - is "his stiff little friend" his penis, or does he have a predilection towards necrophilia?

[wehaveallbeenthere]

No, it has it's history in the "chick", "baby", "sugar", "come to Daddy" guy language.
His semen is either a product of what he eats...or he has some vile disease. Other than that it should be tasteless. The consistency may vary with water intake and actual sperm cells but tasteless.
If he is threatening to go somewhere else he probably already has and just wants to justify it.
He sounds like a real "heartbreaker" (sarcasm). You could do better. Women have always had the upper hand (no pun intended). Men may think the porn sites where women come in droves to do whatever they desire is RL but it isn't. Even real life pornstar women want more than what is on film. You can get that anywhere. If he wants you to put out then he can be warm and caring...maybe even tell a lame joke once in a while to get you to smile when you are down.
He isn't the only man out there that has a penis you know.

[KrissyKat]

OK, now I've read all the posts. What a mean bunch you are. I thought this was open area of discussion, not a cat fight.

Next time I get it in my head that the British are any kinder or more polite than Americans, I'll administer my own dope slap to the head. You can all fuck yourselves, bee-yotches from across the pond. And when you do, make sure that dildo is covered in fish hooks and electrified for your pleasure.

I don't know which category of tool you all fit into, but I do know which tool fits into all of you (sans but a few of you, to which this missive is not addressed).

[Panfriedpumpkin]

KK - you are such rubbish writer. Give up now.

[spookycharlotte121]

krissykat are you for real? the way your talking is comical. Im sorry if you are being straight but you do sound rather silly. I think thats why people are laughing. you shouldnt take this all so seriously. no one is being bitchy theyre just having a giggle. stick up for yourself rather than getting defensive.

[wehaveallbeenthere]

KrissyKat, before you hand down the rusty fishhook dildo punishment...realize that you are posting on a pregnant womens site.
Most of us HAVE been there. If you read through any of the other threads you have to see that some threads are clearly started by trolls (or journalists).
If you are real and the sitch is real then also realize that you asked.
Btw, thanks for the electrification for our pleasure. Some of us could use it.

[KrissyKat]

sorry, ladies, the writing isn't meant to be funny. Further, if you all are actually trying to be funny or lighthearted, it's not coming across to this poor, benighted New Yorker.

[Panfriedpumpkin]

night Krap Kwriter.

[twinsetandpearls]

spooky he is 39.

He has a special accent he uses for saying sucky sucky long time and it is followed by a tongue in cheek gesture and wink.

I truly am a woman blessed.

[EisGotASeveredHeadinherHandbag]

haha this is so funny!!!
OP i think you should tell your DH to service himself or get him a nice inflatable friend whom he can quite rightly refer to as 'doll'
if my DH so much as forcefully requested a blowjob he would be ejected forcefully out of my bed and made to sleep on the couch with the cat!! i dont demand oral sex from him (i do however accept when it is offered) do i expect some respect and patience from him where blowjobs are concerned cos if there is a sniff of demanding there will be no more for a LONG time
just cos you are teeny weeny dripping wet doesnt mean you cant say a big NO THANKS!!
xx ei xx

[wehaveallbeenthere]

Mine made the mistake of asking what I was reading on Mn. I told him and of course he takes the mans side.
So how long have you been together KrissyKat? Don't make the mistake of giving it to him all the time because then they tend to expect that.
I don't know why but men prefer being treated somewhat...how do you say...like a bitch. I hear all the time from male friends that they treated someone special and she walked all over them but they chase her and the woman that treats them like a king doesn't get a second glance.
Anyone else find this to be true? or is it just me?

[twinsetandpearls]

I don't get the teeny tiny 100lbs dripping wet, has the op only weighed herself once and that was getting out of the shower. Is it a sexual reference lost on a woman like me?

[EisGotASeveredHeadinherHandbag]

sorry x-posted there
ahem... OP no point in getting nasty!! if your first post is written in the style of mills and boon then people (from the uk, usa and all over the world BTW) posting will naturally read it as a jokey, messing around, not real problem kind of thread. we are all not being mean and noone made any nasty comments just observations based on what you yourself had posted. if you are this sensitive your stay here will be short lived
xx ei xx

[EisGotASeveredHeadinherHandbag]

twinset does your DH say sucky sucky in a full metal jacket chinese prozzie kinda way?? (me so horny love you long time ten dollar??) my DH says that sometimes
xx ei xx

[twinsetandpearls]

Have not seen full metal jacket but it does sound like that.

Am a little disapointed that he is not original in his childlike depravity.

[wehaveallbeenthere]

Is that a reference to that old Richard Gere movie "Officer and a Gentleman"? It starts him out in the Phillipines as a navy brat and he walks past a bunch of prostitutes and then falls in with a bunch of boys that beat the heck out of him and rob him?
He later tells his friend about what the prostitutes say...which is what you said EGASHH

[CombustiblePumpkin]

KrissyKat I'm sorry you think that we're being unsympathetic. I think that you might findthis and this useful.

[wabbit]

tool? am i being dumb anyone - which catagory of tool? Idontgeddit

You write like a bloke who's not been fit enough to get a shag for 10 years or more

No-one's been vindictive other than you KK - what a blokey sort of punishment to think up

ewwww!

[wehaveallbeenthere]

Oh sorry, Full Metal Jacket. Never saw it. That doesn't do much to change it. Okay, soooo did KrissyKat leave or is she reading and gonna post???
You know if the taste is the only thing offing you to giving him what he wants you can pour something like honey or chocolate syrup on him and it will totally change the taste (wipes it out).
I meant what I said before though. If he isn't eating something vile then he needs to get checked out. K, will bbl. I'm chasing the youngest.

[wabbit]

CombustiblePumpkin

the noo-noo's genius!

[CombustiblePumpkin]

All the suction anyone could want or need- and no toast crumbs in the carpet either.

[KrissyKat]

Mills and Boon?

Haven't the slightest idea who/what MB is!

Here, we say "136 pounds, dripping wet" to mean one's weight after a day of hearty meals and no exercise, not the weight you are first thing in the morning. Extremely common phrase.

Moreover, you last two numbskulls, I am not a man, nor am I the slightest bit mannish. Good gravytrain, you must sit on your brains.

[twinsetandpearls]

I am going to use the phrase good gravytrain tomorrow, probably over breakfast.