I'm not fond of performing oral sex on my husband, yet he demands it.

[KrissyKat]

My husband whines and complains that he doesn't get nearly enough blow jobs in his life and may start to look elsewhere for them. Mind you, he has a tremendous penis and I am extremely petite. (100 pounds dripping wet) It is completely unenjoyable for me and he conks out straight afterward, with perhaps a cursory grunt and "thanks, doll." What is my incentive to perform this ritual? We've been married 13 years and he is not exactly Mr. Vavavavoom in bed, yet he expects all manner of carnal delights for himself. Has anyone else had this experience? Do your husbands think the porn world is real life and women are breathlessly waiting to please them in any manner possible?

Heaven forbid we just go to sleep or cuddle and I not attend to his stiff little friend. Criminey! I'm not 25 anymore. And he is not exactly captain America, all rippling muscles and thick bronze hair. I sometimes wish I had a stand-in. He's always threatening to leave and I sometimes think, well, just go then and find a young lady who ices her cupcakes and bread with semen. UGH!

[CombustiblePumpkin]

Here we say 'jog on' to trolls and 'as you're getting up, could you stick the kettle on/fetch the Dairy Milk on your way past the kitchen' to husbands who threaten to leave over a lack of oral.

[EisGotASeveredHeadinherHandbag]

hahahaaha good gravytrain???
erm 1954 called...it wants its sayings back
as i said people are merely speculating as they could do with any one on us as thisn is what is called an open anonymous forum... does that not make any sense?? or are you as much of a 'numbskull' as you are clearly believing us to be?? ifb so you will fit right in
xx ei xx

[slim22]

psml so It WAS sarah Palin

[wehaveallbeenthere]

KrissyKat, Think they are being horrid, that you've stirred the hornets nest? Wait till you post on breastfeeding or religion. That is when the real claws come out.

[wehaveallbeenthere]

Don't say I didn't warn you either.

[wehaveallbeenthere]

Speaking of SP. She is a sore spot now between me and my DH. It seems points I brought up about her past about 2 weeks ago my husband is now bringing to my attention as he "heard it" from one of his friends. Like I don't have any knowledge past the point of the kitchen or laundry.
I brought up weeks ago that she (when she was Mayor) was charging rape victims for their rape kits. He dismissed it and now brings it up like it is delivered from heaven or something. Men...can't live with them, can't chop them up and feed the roses with them.

[wabbit]

Twinset, are you going to slip it into a normal conversation without it being noticed? something like...

'HMM... I feel like sausage and mash tonight with a really good gravy/Train times don't seem to have been affected by the snow, which is a bit of a surprise don't you think?'

or are you actually going to say

good gravytrain in a 'heavens above! what a surprise' sort of way?

[KrissyKat]

Think I'll look for a momsnet instead. The vast majority of you "mums" are no help at all.

[KrissyKat]

Oh (and this phrase does not apply to "weallhavebeenthere"), another Americanism you all ought to know: eat shit and die.

[QwertyQueen]

ooooooooooh, classy!

lighten up, luv!

PMSL @ wabbit
almost glad I have insomnia!

[gagarin]

Krissy - if you are for real you have answered your own dilemma!

If you can tell us unkind uncomprehending Brits to "eat shit and die" you can tell him the same - and pass him the Kleenex...

[nannyogg]

wabbit and ei -

Goodgravytrain this has been a most entertaining thread. Bravo.

[potatofactory]

Got to say I'm slightly annoyed to have been had a go at - KKK misread the intention of the threads there a bit - and it wasn't all cultural confusion.

Surely 'good gravytrain' outed the troll factor once and for all - it is not possible that someone would use that phrase - I have also banked it for future use, mind!

EEEEEwwwww, frankly, if it is a bloke.

If it IS lady, she must sit round in silky robes with furry edges, and tiny mule slippers with ostrich feathers on, smoking from a cigarette holder (watching the lipstick, obviously)

I reckon she should just get on with sucking the guy off, and stop whinging - they deserve each other.

Very huge men and very tiny women?? Bleeurrrggghhh anyway.

[potatofactory]

KK!!! KK!!! not KKK!!! (I hope)

[wtfhashappened]

I haven't enjoyed a thread this much for months!!! well done KK - trip trap off now love (actually, don't - your responses are fab)

[PuzzleRocks]

Krissy - In keeping with your inimitable style "eat cock and shut it"! Maybe your own, if your vertebrae will allow.

[NotQuiteCockney]

Eh, KK's language sounds pretty natural to me - I think some of this is cross-Atlantic stuff. (British people don't talk that way, it's true.)

The 'sopping wet' thing is a normal expression, just not in the UK.

(KK - this site often gets new posters with interesting, generally sexual, problems, which are probably fake. Hence the obsession with trolls. Your writing style doesn't sound normal to the Brits.)

That being said - if you don't want to give your husband oral sex (or want to demand some quid pro quo), do so. But I'd discuss it outside the bedroom, in a neutral place, rather than the next time he 'demands' service.

[twinsetandpearls]

doh I am the numbskull I said get over the gravytrain, dp just looked at me in an odd way and dd laughed [blush[

[hammouhouseofhorror]

Dear Krissykat,
welcome to mumsnet. and the british sense of humour. Believe it or not this is not personal. Most of us have been subjected to this kind of response on thread and can often give as good as we get. It is very often the way we deal with problems and we have a delightfully irreverant attitude to sex and men. So your first post has prompted such a response, but tell us you are depressed or a victim of abuse, or struggling with motherhood etc and you will get support second to none. We are tough cookies with hearts of 24 carat gold.

As far as your problem is concerned your H does sound unreasonable and demanding and you should only indulge in oral sex if you enjoy it, and are receiving satisfactory pleasure yourself. I would talk to him when it is not an issue, and you are both calm. Not sure how your weight is an issue..depends on the position I supppose .

And if you can stick up for yourself on here telling posters to 'eat shit and die' you are probably well suited to MN. Stick around KK and enjoy the ride!

[SummatAnNowt]

Ah... I get it, when I read it I thought gravytrain was a username.

[GoodGravytrain]

It is now

[GoodGravytrain]

(What is a gravytrain anyway?)

[GoodGravytrain]

Interesting...

[hammouhouseofhorror]

Mmmmmmm very apt

[CoffeeAndCarrotCake]

Hilarious thread - trying so hard to work but keep coming back to it. BTW - how do you change your name? And do you ever tell your friends who also use MN what your MN name is?