I'm not fond of performing oral sex on my husband, yet he demands it.

[KrissyKat]

My husband whines and complains that he doesn't get nearly enough blow jobs in his life and may start to look elsewhere for them. Mind you, he has a tremendous penis and I am extremely petite. (100 pounds dripping wet) It is completely unenjoyable for me and he conks out straight afterward, with perhaps a cursory grunt and "thanks, doll." What is my incentive to perform this ritual? We've been married 13 years and he is not exactly Mr. Vavavavoom in bed, yet he expects all manner of carnal delights for himself. Has anyone else had this experience? Do your husbands think the porn world is real life and women are breathlessly waiting to please them in any manner possible?

Heaven forbid we just go to sleep or cuddle and I not attend to his stiff little friend. Criminey! I'm not 25 anymore. And he is not exactly captain America, all rippling muscles and thick bronze hair. I sometimes wish I had a stand-in. He's always threatening to leave and I sometimes think, well, just go then and find a young lady who ices her cupcakes and bread with semen. UGH!

[rbrand]

Perhaps Johnathan Ross and Russell Brand has hijacked MN.

[rbrand]

snigger

[twinsetandpearls]

Well dp has just suggested we go for an early night , no sex as I have fanjo issues. So he suggested a blow job or as he calls it sucky sucky long time. I pointed out that I have had all my weight watchers points to which he said it was fat free and calciummy!

[wehaveallbeenthere]

twinsetandpearls, did you suggest that he get you a Jimmyjane? Preferably the one with the ring of diamonds in it? As a gesture of good will you know? Maybe with an inscription on it too? Something like, "To twinsetandpearls, I bequeth all my wordly belongings...including my massive organ...yada, yada" Have it stamped with a notary stamp.
Then...perhaps if he is deserving he can have a blowjob. If not he can just do himself and you can supervise.

[rbrand]

I would go for a pearl necklace twinandpearls, definitely calorie free. Gosh, listen to us, we sound as bad as OP.

[debzmb62]

i,d get him to have a couple of ribs removed and do it his fkin self !!

i was foolish he told me it was a great cure for a sore throat lol

[wehaveallbeenthere]

um, wordly is worldly...but you got the picture.

[SunshineSmith]

Cook him an sweet apple pie!

[wehaveallbeenthere]

nono rbrand, if he wants to play then tie him to the bedpost and bring out the whip and flay....cattle prod? If too much then at least a steamy bubbly bath with a bottle of champagne. The difference in temp with the little bit of alcohol will do the trick nicely! A toe massage, a choice acupressure point or two...he will be putty in your hands and begging you to whatever you please.

[rbrand]

Ok, I'm way out my depth. Night Gals x

[twinsetandpearls]

He is getting nowt!

[wehaveallbeenthere]

lol, maybe you can bake cookies together KrissyKat...and then get down on the kitchen floor? After you've mopped of course. Sounds like he wants to "leave it to Beaver" and go ape.
Oh well, I think KrissyKat left. Probably a journalist. Or a troll. Maybe a journalist troll???
Sarah Palin? Did she bring her moose gun?

[spookycharlotte121]

hahahah this thread is sooooo funny!!! sucky sucky! How old is he? My ex used the "medicine" excuse for blow jobs when I was ill and always reassured me it would meake me feel better

[wabbit]

I'm not feeling funny enough to add anything to this thread

Thankyou is all...
Mind you, twinset - think you've put me off for life!

[solidgoldskullonastick]

If you want revenge, try cleaning out your fanjo with his toothbrush.

[rbrand]

Was just brushing teeth, getting ready for bed but just had to have another peak at this thread. Bloody hilarious. Hubby must never find out what he is missing, don't want him thinking he's the only bloke in the world not getting enough. Fortunately he's asleep now.

[wehaveallbeenthere]

I'm rather wondering what is considered "massive" to a "100 lbs. wringing wet" woman? The average mans penis size is 5 inches when erect. So what say???? Enquiring minds want to know...

[MrsSchadenfreude]

Oh yes, Charlotte - the "what you need is a hot sperm gargle..."

It's the originality of men that gets me...!

[MrsSchadenfreude]

Solid gold - now that could be quite fun with a vibrating one...

[rbrand]

By the way solidgold, glad I brushed before reading your post.

[wehaveallbeenthere]

Gives a whole new meaning to "hot Toddy" now doesn't it?

[wehaveallbeenthere]

Have any ideas what to do with the floss?

[wehaveallbeenthere]

I haven't seen KrissyKat post since he/she/jounalist/troll threw themselves to the Mn lionesses.
Does that mean (like her supposed husband) that we are entertaining ourselves now?

[rbrand]

I think Krissykat is in a state of shock!