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AIBU?

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Original poster

Ewwww! Somebody at toddlers offered me her breast milk!!!!!!

211 replies

thisismynewname · 24/10/2008 20:13

So my sister bought me tickets to see a dance show and I was telling someone at toddlers that I didn't think I could go as I can't express and DS is b/f.

She only went and offered me some of her expressed milk from the freezer, I'm not joking!!! I didn't know where to put myself, lol!

Muttered something about giving the expressing another go, freak!! I knew she was a bit weird, I'm 99 per cent suire she still feeds her 4 yr old DS, but this is beyoned the pale isn't it?

OP posts:
wehaveallbeenthere · 26/10/2008 20:06

Thank you johnworf. That was most informative.

Lotster · 27/10/2008 00:26

Elastic woman, just to check, I am genuinely interested and ot trying to be antagonistic here... did you say you offered your breast to the 18 month old you were babysitting before you asked the parents permission?

Although obviously it's kind of you to offer your milk if you asked (and please excuse my next comment if so), but if you hadn't and i was the parent, I would find that an abuse to be frank.

Lotstodo · 27/10/2008 07:12

Not that many years ago, when I was breastfeeding, I had a community midwife call in every day with an electric expressing machine to express milk from me for the SCBU. I was happy to do this and I think I received a certificate and sad it may sound, but enjoyed having another regular adult visitor to talk to!

Reallytired · 27/10/2008 08:52

"know when you have a baby in the states (may just be the hospital I used over 20 years ago) they ask you if you are allergic to anything food or medications.
I was just wondering as your baby could have the same allergies are the mother (75% chance of passing on). So do they screen the donating mothers? Get them on a list and make sure they are eating only the prescribed foods?"

Breastmilk saves lives of premie babies. Its why hospitals go to so much expense, time and effort to collect it. It is not a cheap option for them and they would not do it unless there were strong medical grounds.

Anyway loads of people are allergic to cow's milk and soya. Life is a balance of risk and its better to give, formula or breastmilk than starve a premie to death.

gokwancarr · 27/10/2008 08:53

troll surely.

gokwancarr · 27/10/2008 08:55

i meant op, not you reallytired

hunkermunker · 27/10/2008 09:05

All of those who think donated bm is yucky, but cow's milk is fine...

cow bitty

TinkerBellesMum · 27/10/2008 09:58

It?s illegal to breastfeed in this country if you have HIV so you?d hope that if she was foolish (from the legal POV as BF is supposed to protect against HIV for babies born to HIV mothers) enough to do it herself she wouldn?t be stupid enough to offer someone else.

?but the woman offering her bm could have been drinking vodka all morning?

Yes but even if she was way over the driving limit she would have less alcohol in her milk than is found in OJ. Your point being?

Thanks Elf, I will remember to avoid those in future! I?ve noticed when there?s fish in milk, it tastes a week over date to me but hadn?t in those.

Reallytired · 27/10/2008 10:25

"It?s illegal to breastfeed in this country if you have HIV so you?d hope that if she was foolish (from the legal POV as BF is supposed to protect against HIV for babies born to HIV mothers) enough to do it herself she wouldn?t be stupid enough to offer someone else."

Have you got a link to that. I didn't think it was illegal, it just goes against medical advice. Certainly in developing countries it can be safer for an HIV mother to breastfeed than use formula.

I remember hearing about a woman who expressed and patisured her milk so that her baby could have HIV free milk. Its a pity that HIV mothers can't get donated milk for their babies.

TinkerBellesMum · 27/10/2008 10:35

I've checked it out with different people, there was a thread not long ago about it too. According to the Child Protection Social Workers I've spoken to (Mum being one of them) it's endangerment, I've also heard that it comes under the same law as deliberately having unprotected sex with someone knowing you have it would. It would be a book thrown at you offence there's so many areas covered. Although it can help protect babies I think the reasoning in this country is that our formula is safe enough that it's better to FF.

TinkerBellesMum · 27/10/2008 10:36

I'm not sure of a link though because I didn't get it from the internet, but I've seen others post links on MN about it too.

PuzzleRocks · 27/10/2008 10:37

Hunker, that's great! I want to get that on a t-shirt.

mummag · 27/10/2008 10:40

question to hercules1 wot do u consider to be a normal term for breastfeeding???

PuzzleRocks · 27/10/2008 10:48

I can't speak for Hercules but I take NATURAL TERM BREASTFEEDING to mean however long it takes for a child to wean themselves from the breast. This is the approach we have chosen to take with DD who is 18 months at present.

TinkerBellesMum · 27/10/2008 10:57

Currently I'm doing NTBF (natural, not heard of normal before) but it could change depending what happens when FiFi is here. I kind of figure that without problems if I'm breastfeeding FiFi for at least as long then there's still milk for Tink till she's starting school. Will I feel the same then? Who knows but then I would have said the same before I had a 2 year old. I look at other children and think I can't imagine feeding a n X year old, but then I'm looking at someone else's child who I haven't breastfed nearly every day almost from birth.

Elasticwoman · 27/10/2008 11:15

Lotster - at the time it never occurred to me that the parents might object to my offering the breast. They told me the child might wake up, and would be wanting milk. They didn't show me where the milk was kept, and there I was with a crying baby. I knew that my milk was accepted by the milk bank (I'd had the relevant blood test) and it seemed worth a try to offer my own breast. But the child had been weaned from his mother's breast 6 months previously so I was not surprised that he wasn't interested.

I think 'abuse' is rather strong, but I am only just learning now how irrational some women are in their attitudes to breastfeeeding.

Lotster · 27/10/2008 13:04

I hope you don't mean me! Although I suspect that you do...

I don't want to trade insults, I am pro-BF, and plan to BF as long as poss with my 2nd when born. Unfortunately had a really tough time with thrush 1st time and a 6 week wait to see BF counsellor, so ended up halving with formula in the end.

Your intentions were innocent, and very kind, and shame on them for providing their child with crappy UHT. However, you must try to understand that however irrational you think it is, a breast is also a sexual part of the body. It IS sad, but it's the way of the world today, to protect children.

I personally wouldn't dream of not asking a parents permission, after all, you called them to ask where the milk was. You made a massive presumption.

mummag · 27/10/2008 14:32

i would be speechless if someone tried to latch one of my babies on.... i would also be very annoyed and concerned. I am not hysterical about breastfeeding either..

pingping · 27/10/2008 15:28

Each to there own each to there own.

If you didn't want the milk all you had to do was say no thank you. You really didn't have to slag her off on here.

wehaveallbeenthere · 27/10/2008 15:29

Reallytired, I wasn't asking with the intention of anyone starving a preemie to death.
Johnworf graciously answered my question and I had posted I had jumped from page 1 to 7 and then read up 7 to find johnworf's post.
I am assuming you are really tired and just misread my intent.
I am allergic to everything, including cows milk. I know that allergic reactions can happen to a baby if something is eaten by the mother (as the baby can get allergies from the father too).
I would suggest you get some sleep if possible.

Elasticwoman · 27/10/2008 16:42

Lotster - ah, so that's it: you see breasts as sexual ergo I was making a pass at an 18 month old boy!

Well if that's not irrational I don't know what is.

I'm sorry you (and many others) are so taken in by the over-marketing of breasts as sexual objects, that you would rather a baby went without milk, than see him/her bf by some one other than the mother.

Wetnursing was extremely common before the comparatively recent invention of powdered artificial breastmilk substitute. It was commonplace as recently as the 1950s in China as any one who has read Wild Swans will know.

Elasticwoman · 27/10/2008 16:43

You say you don't want to trade insults but I remain offended and insulted by your stupid remarks!

Lotster · 27/10/2008 22:45

You remain on your high horse, so I can see I'm wasting my time. I don't wish a baby to go without milk at all, my point was you. should. have. asked.

I also said it was clear your intentions were good, however it is a sexual part of the body - not because marketing tells me so (give me strength) it is a well known erogenous zone. If you saw Garraway's doco you would have seen one woman admitting she got sexual feelings from BF'ing her babysitting charges. Very occasionally there are weirdos like that around, and this is why a parent should have the right to decide if they trust a person, and the previous knowledge that it was going to happen!!

I would ask what the parents said when they got home and you told them what you had done. Although I'm pretty sure you didn't tell them. (Although I would bet my bottom dollar this is the case, I'm sure we'll never know as now I've said it you'll undoubtedly say you did..) And you know why, because it wasn't your baby to feed.

Wetnursing is a wonderful gift, and it is done with permission, which is the whole point of what I'm saying and you are refusing to recognise. Yes I've read Wild Swans, and Breast is Best for that matter, I know we're better suited to donkey's milk than a cow's, etc etc, and many other fascinating facts that led me to want to breastfeed.
Please stop trying to make out I, and anyone else who agrees it wasn't your baby to feed without permission are ignoramuses who would give theire children any old shit rather than breast milk. This misguided fanaticism is really staring to grate.

It was simply a question of permission.

missymoo2411 · 27/10/2008 23:03

i think she is very sweet and wouldnt think twicw of feeding my baby her brest milk but only from a bottle not her ie, breast if it ment ny baby wouldnt go hungry ..

overthehill · 27/10/2008 23:22

I too thought the milk was to put in tea/coffee, which would be a bit weird(!), but this seems like gratuitous kindness - met with gratuitous insults.

I once babysat for a friend whose children never went to sleep as they never had any kind of routine, and I fed the baby in order to help send her off. It never occurred to me that I was doing anything sinful or repulsive; just seemed practical at the time, and there is a long history of wet nurses in our society.