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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

damn wedding

84 replies

HarlotOTara · 21/10/2008 11:52

Have buggered this up once so hope I have submitted this correctly now.

Am going to a close family member's wedding soon and am already resentful of having to fork out several thousand for flights, accomodation etc. and having to take my kids out of school (and we can't really afford this). I have now received an email saying that the happy couple don't want presents but would like us (all guests I suppose) to contribute towards their honeymoon costs. I don't care if I am unreasonable as this has really pissed me off, however I would be interested in other opinions. Happy couple are comfortably off and are going somewhere exotic for their honeymoon. Unfortunately unless I get divorced I am obliged to go!

OP posts:

RubyShivers · 21/10/2008 11:53

nope

i won't do this

i think it is utterly crass

send a towel bale instead

BloodyStranglingwithBling · 21/10/2008 11:54

Oooh, this annoys me no end. Lots of people are paying a lot of money to come to our wedding and we're desperately trying to convince them NOT to buy us any gifts whatsoever. It's proving tricky.

YANBU. If it was me, if you feel you have to give a gift, then go ahead and do whatever you were planning to do otherwise.

MmeTussaudsChmberOfChocHobnobs · 21/10/2008 11:54

Hmm, I can understand your annoyance, but you would normally have bought a present so what is the difference?

MmeTussaudsChmberOfChocHobnobs · 21/10/2008 11:54

(aside from the fact that it is a bit tacky)

hanaflower · 21/10/2008 11:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RubyShivers · 21/10/2008 11:58

it is basically asking for £££ which is a bit off

if you want a £5k honeymoon, pay for it yourself

ilovemydog · 21/10/2008 12:01

Absolutely don't contribute to honeymoon.

A (close) cousin had his bar mitzvah (in California) and was rather annoyed that we only got the invitation at the last minute, but they assumed that we knew we were invited

Anyway, we didn't go and I'm so regretting it.

Go, if you can afford. If you can't then send DH (assume it's his family) and kids? or DH on his own?

sb6699 · 21/10/2008 12:03

If you are already forking out thousands to be there it is a bit rude them asking for more money.

In normal circumstances I wouldn't see the problem - giving money is easier than choosing a present anyway.

We recently attended my dh's grandmothers 80th and because it had already cost us £100's to get there she told us not to bother with a present - bless!

scaryteacher · 21/10/2008 12:04

I wouldn't, and I'd point out that after paying to go to the wedding you can't afford to contribute anyway!

MrsBadger · 21/10/2008 12:16

ideal circumstances for giving a ceramic otter

RubyShivers · 21/10/2008 12:17

LOL @ cermaic otter

get a matching pair and they can use them for bookends

Tee2072 · 21/10/2008 12:18

Totally crass. YANBU

kitsmummy · 21/10/2008 12:18

Tbh it's an effing cheek to asking for any sort of gift at all after forcing people to spend thousands travelling abroad in the first place. But even worse to then ask for money for honeymoon, if they can't afford the honeymoon they shouldn't go. This is my biggest bugbear ever.

pudding25 · 21/10/2008 12:18

I think that is really rude, especially if they are well off and you are paying lots of money to go to the wedding. I would just get them some vouchers.

Carmenere · 21/10/2008 12:21

Oh yes a nice bit of Lladro, through the post, not terribly well wrapped.

MmeTussaudsChmberOfChocHobnobs · 21/10/2008 12:21

Do they live abroad, or are they just having the wedding overseas?

Mum2OliverJames · 21/10/2008 12:22

If they want you to contribute to their holiday, buy them some sunglasses and some suncream

tessofthedurbervilles · 21/10/2008 12:24

Liking the cermic otter, if you don't want to contribute to the honeymoon then don't, do you know any other guests and what they are doing?

Carmenere · 21/10/2008 12:26

Send the Lladro (or cheaper copy) with a note saying that although you knew they wanted cash for their honeymoon, you wanted to get them this very special 'piece' as you felt it would serve as a special sentimental momento of their special day.

expatinscotland · 21/10/2008 12:28

nope. wouldn't do this, either.

get them a nice card and follow mum2oliver's suggestion.

the height of tackiness to dictate to guests what to give as a gift and leave them no other option than cold hard cash.

you want a honeymoon, fucking pay for it yourself or cut back on the lavish wedding.

personally, i'd never fork out several thousand to attend anyone's wedding or take my kids out of school for it unless it were my own sister, who'd never dream of imposing on family like that.

DandyLioness · 21/10/2008 12:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

rempy · 21/10/2008 12:30

If you really want to make a point buy them some carbon offsets, or say youre going to plant a tree with the woodland trust.

This rubs me up the wrong way too, if well off and dont need "regular" wedding gifts they should ask for none. They would still be going on the same honeymoon, they arent dependent on donations to actually go away are they?

michymama · 21/10/2008 12:55

we're in Italy and its perfectly normal here to give money instead of a gift. However we're not just talking 40 quid (my brother gave me 40 quid when I got married 9 years ago) its like a minimum of 150 euro !!!
Even if you don't go to the wedding but you get invited you're still expected to take money on the specific days when they are "receiving their gifts".
YANBU btw !

LouMacca · 21/10/2008 13:03

minimum of 150 euro?!

I think its very bad manners to ask for money to go towards the honeymoon.

Cheeky buggers - get them a goat from oxfam unwrapped!

Original poster

HarlotOTara · 21/10/2008 13:45

Thanks for all the replies it has made me feel much better. The couple concerned are comfortably off and certainly do not need contributions towards the cost of a honeymoon. I understand there is also a wishing well at the reception and I doubt the proceeds are going to charity (is this a new custom??) They could have married in Britain but no venue was suitable or something . We are very close family which is why we have to go but it is costing a fortune and there has been no consideration about this or the fact I have to take the kids out of school for a couple of days. The wedding is in Dubai and it will be a very quick stop over for us. The whole thing stinks - sorry I am so very annoyed. Keep composing letters saying how crass it all is. Like the idea of the otter or sunglasses tho'. We can't afford a wedding present as any money for that has been spent on getting there!!!

OP posts:

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