damn wedding

[HarlotOTara]

Have buggered this up once so hope I have submitted this correctly now.

Am going to a close family member's wedding soon and am already resentful of having to fork out several thousand for flights, accomodation etc. and having to take my kids out of school (and we can't really afford this). I have now received an email saying that the happy couple don't want presents but would like us (all guests I suppose) to contribute towards their honeymoon costs. I don't care if I am unreasonable as this has really pissed me off, however I would be interested in other opinions. Happy couple are comfortably off and are going somewhere exotic for their honeymoon. Unfortunately unless I get divorced I am obliged to go!

Don't know, but I guess you have to make a wish for the happy couple as you cast in some more money for them

What about air miles? Do you have any you could donate/ transfer from your Tesco clubcard or credit card etc?

Re the wording of this request is it definitely give us cash for our holiday or meant more as actually we're quite well off and we've already got towels and a toaster so instead of a gift, if you were planning to buy one, could we make the holiday extra special?

Just a thought but I had an ill faited please don't feel its necessary to bring gifts wedding but also a wedding list and just about everyone brought. The list wasn't to make people buy it was just if you feel you have to...

alicets' suggestion of a lovely 1st anniversary gift is a good one. Perhaps your DH could explain that, due to cost of getting there, you'd like time to save up to get them something very special.

whilst i would normally be in the ceramic otter camp, in this case, fork out cheerfully, you have no choice
i would expect a father to ask his son what was the most appropriate or needed gift
just think yourself lucky dh doesn't feel he needs to foot half the wedding bill

I have no idea what the wishing well is just know there is one. I will try and remember to let you know when I have seen it. however I assumed from the message that it is there for us to chuck money into.

Look I am ranting and moaning on here and I do think it is a damn cheek but I will grit my teeth and go with the flow. It is up to dh what happens about the present or lack of one and I will just go along with it honestly. However I may need a dentist for the gritted teeth and something else for the alcohol abuse to get me through the day (joking). Wish I could post more about the various partners and relationships that all have the potential to go belly-up but sadly not my tale to tell.

One final point I know there is a lot of talk on here about it being the happy couple's day and we should all make it great but surely there must be a balance somewhere shouldn' there.
Hope I'm not in danger of repeating myself....

"I know there is a lot of talk on here about it being the happy couple's day and we should all make it great but surely there must be a balance somewhere shouldn' there."

In the case of the parents of the bride and groom, I think you really do have to go along with their wishes and try to make it as happy a celebration as possible. And I think the same is true of any guests who choose to attend. I would and have made my excuses when invited to weddings or other parties that I considered in bad taste or too expensive. When you are invited to a party or to somebody's wedding celebration you only have two choices, decline politely or attend, and go along with whatever they want, enjoying it as much as you can. Being the stepmother makes the first option difficult for you - but I think those two choices still hold.

My husband and I asked for honeymoon vouchers. We were 26 when we got married and had quite a traditional wedding with over 100 guests in the countryside. We paid for most of it ourselves as neither of our sets of parents could afford to pay for everything. We didn't own a house / flat yet (I lived in a shared house in London and he lived in military barracks in Scotland) so there was no point in asking for normal house hold gifts etc. But we did want to have a special honeymoon to get our married life off to an amazing start, and couldn't afford it after we had paid all the final bills for the wedding. We said on the invite that we didn't expect presents and that the biggest gift of all was their presence! but that if they did want to contribute to a holiday of a lifetime, then this would be greatly appreciated. People bought specific things like horse riding or a meal out on the town or scuba lessons etc, and when we did the activity, we took a picture of us doing it and sent it in the thank you card to show them they really had bought us a part of a dream memory... which we felt would last longer than a toaster or set of towels etc.

But some people (including his parents and aunts) thought it was crass too and decided to buy us bowls and crystal glasses instead.

We had an amazing honeymoon and it was down to all our lovely friends and we will treasure the memories they gave us forever.

Don't get them anything - send a lovely card saying "We are so pleased that we were able to be with you today" (hint hint - it cost us a fortune).