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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish Sister would stop harrassing us for money?

255 replies

VivaLasVegas · 14/10/2008 12:57

Sorry, I have had to name-change as username was too recognisable.

Basically my daughter (16) went to live with my sister in August. There were loads of problems at home and sister offered so she went. We are very grateful for that.

Anyway we give her the child benefit we receieve for DD but she is constantly asking for more money.

First it was that DD had decided to join college so sister asked us for the admin fee and some money for uniform she needed. This came to nearly £100. I gave her it but reminded her that we couldn't keep shelling out £100 here and there, I still have a DD at home to support.

Next thing was that DD had decided to join army cadets so sister was on the phone asking for money for stuff she needed for that. This time it was £20. I told her she had the child benefit and she said I was being selfish.

After that it was a trip DD was going on, sister wanted us to pay for that. I said no.

Thing is it is my sister that is getting her into all these things and she then expects us to pay for it all. I have another daughter at home to current DH and just can't afford what she is asking for every 5 minutes.

AIBU?

OP posts:
ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 14/10/2008 13:15

I can't even support my 3 year old on £36 a week and he has no extra activities.

Original poster
VivaLasVegas · 14/10/2008 13:15

I am NOT a troll. TBF you don't know the background. Its not all black and white.

OP posts:
Dropdeadfred · 14/10/2008 13:15

Vivalasvegas - why don't you pay for her bus fares and college lunches???

cocoleBOO · 14/10/2008 13:15

You've heard from your neice? Don't you even speak to your daughter?

expatinscotland · 14/10/2008 13:16

'When she was here she didn't do stuff like that. She spent all her time out with her mates.'

No wonder!

I would have, too.

Look, you agreed to farm her out to your sister.

Now you want to be able to dictate how your sister choses to bring her up and not pay for it?

Get a clue!

Tell her to apply for tax credits for the child of yours she's bringing up.

cocoleBOO · 14/10/2008 13:16

AARRGGGHH more x-posts.

Original poster
VivaLasVegas · 14/10/2008 13:16

We do speak but not very often.

OP posts:
littlestrawberry · 14/10/2008 13:16

YABU I cannot believe that you expect your sister to pay for your dd. FFS your sister has taken in your daughter, she sounds like she is doing what she can to get your daughter involved in things and you are moaning about having to pay for this.

That is so offensive

elkiedee · 14/10/2008 13:17

What's wrong with your daughter being encouraged to continue with her education? Good for your sister that she did that, you clearly wouldn't have bothered. As said already, YABU.

compo · 14/10/2008 13:17

tell us the background then Do you have money worries?

ImNotOnline · 14/10/2008 13:17

You don't get tax credits, yet can't afford to give more than £16 a week for your daughters keep

expatinscotland · 14/10/2008 13:17

'I am NOT a troll. TBF you don't know the background. Its not all black and white. '

It isn't?

She isn't living with you. She lives with your sister, whom you are expecting to financially sustain your child on £16 a week (and the £20 a week your daughter earns).

That's about as black and white as it gets, Viva.

Original poster
VivaLasVegas · 14/10/2008 13:17

It is not my money though. I don't work, it comes from DH and he is not happy with the situation.

OP posts:
cocoleBOO · 14/10/2008 13:17

If it's not black and white tell the whole story in the op not in dribs and drabs.

ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 14/10/2008 13:18

"We do speak but not very often."

and that doesn't bother you?

louii · 14/10/2008 13:18

Dear god, u should be encouraging her to join new activities not hang round with her mates! WTF is wrong with you?

flowerybeanbag · 14/10/2008 13:19

Doesn't matter who earns it, surely? It's the family money, the money to finance the parents and children in that family, which includes your DD.

ImNotOnline · 14/10/2008 13:19

What is he not happy with? supporting your daughter? oh dear.

Original poster
VivaLasVegas · 14/10/2008 13:19

She could have gone to college if she wanted to but she never mentioned it to me. She got a job as soon as she left school and then decided she hated it and wanted to quit and DH told her she couldn't quit or she wouldn't be able to live here.

OP posts:
louii · 14/10/2008 13:19

Well get a bloody job then and support your daughter, jeez you are some piece of work!

Dropdeadfred · 14/10/2008 13:19

you are married to somone who doesn't want to support your daughter (his stepdaugter)?

ImNotOnline · 14/10/2008 13:20

She is 16 just finding her way, imo your Dh doesn't sound very dear to me.

BloodAndMutts · 14/10/2008 13:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

flowerybeanbag · 14/10/2008 13:20

So you're saying she could have gone to college, and your 'D'H is saying she is not welcome in your house if she is at college because she has to be earning money?

paddingtonbear1 · 14/10/2008 13:20

i think we need to know more background.
at the moment it sounds bad, yes your dd lives with your sister but that doesn't absolve you of responsibility for her. You can't expect your sis to pay for everything, nor dd to pay at her age.
did you ever sit down and agree how the whole arrangement was going to work?

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