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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish Sister would stop harrassing us for money?

255 replies

VivaLasVegas · 14/10/2008 12:57

Sorry, I have had to name-change as username was too recognisable.

Basically my daughter (16) went to live with my sister in August. There were loads of problems at home and sister offered so she went. We are very grateful for that.

Anyway we give her the child benefit we receieve for DD but she is constantly asking for more money.

First it was that DD had decided to join college so sister asked us for the admin fee and some money for uniform she needed. This came to nearly £100. I gave her it but reminded her that we couldn't keep shelling out £100 here and there, I still have a DD at home to support.

Next thing was that DD had decided to join army cadets so sister was on the phone asking for money for stuff she needed for that. This time it was £20. I told her she had the child benefit and she said I was being selfish.

After that it was a trip DD was going on, sister wanted us to pay for that. I said no.

Thing is it is my sister that is getting her into all these things and she then expects us to pay for it all. I have another daughter at home to current DH and just can't afford what she is asking for every 5 minutes.

AIBU?

OP posts:
NotDoingTheHousework · 14/10/2008 13:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Dropdeadfred · 14/10/2008 13:09

just read that you don't even contribute to her bus fares or school lunches?

can your daughter not apply for EMA?

louii · 14/10/2008 13:09

Wish i had a lovely mum like you

Original poster
VivaLasVegas · 14/10/2008 13:09

No I am NOT a troll.

She is not ONLY getting the CB, she is also getting about £20 a week off DD.

OP posts:
ghosty · 14/10/2008 13:10

This must be a wind up ...

childrenofthecornsilk · 14/10/2008 13:10

Why off dd?

Saturn74 · 14/10/2008 13:10

I don't believe you.

ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 14/10/2008 13:10

That is hardly going to make much of a difference.

more · 14/10/2008 13:10

It is still your daughter though (i.e. your responsibility).

However I see problems on both sides here. You should be consulted in her extra curricular activities not just told to shell out here and there for this, that and what not.

Seems like there is a bit of a communication problem, and that it might help if you all sat down and discussed exactly what you expect, what your daughter expects and what your sister expects.

Sounds a bit like you see this as your sister, because she offered to help look after her, being her guardian and you therefore have no responsibility in her "maintenance".
However your sister sees it more in the lines of a woohooo I get to get all the good bits with my niece. We are going to do this, this and this and her mother has to pay for it all. She probably sees this childrearing as quite easy, all you have to do is say yes and get somebody else to pay.

expatinscotland · 14/10/2008 13:10

my two closest friends had mothers like you.

they joined the armed forces as soon as they could just to get the hell away from them and now, in their 40s, have no relationship with their mothers (well, one's mother is now dead).

i used to wonder why.

i don't now.

Dropdeadfred · 14/10/2008 13:10

why should that money come from DD?
why are you not providing any money? (not counting the CB as that money is for your child anyway)

ImNotOnline · 14/10/2008 13:11

So do you get tax credits for both children?

expatinscotland · 14/10/2008 13:12

£36/week to support your teenage child.

£20 of which the kids earns herself.

wow, how very generous of you.

hope she has a stellar career in the Army and finds the sense of family she obviously didn't get in her own home.

poor kid.

KatieScarlett2833 · 14/10/2008 13:12

Who's getting the Child Tax Credit?

childrenofthecornsilk · 14/10/2008 13:12

I'm not surprised she went to live with her auntie if this is for real.

NotDoingTheHousework · 14/10/2008 13:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Flum · 14/10/2008 13:12

YABU!!! She is your daughter not your sisters. If she was living with you it would cost you way more than Child Benefit.

LadyOfWaffleIsScaryEnough · 14/10/2008 13:13

I am all for learning value of money but a 16 year old shouldn't have to work to pay for her own shirt on her back and food on the table, while in FT education because her mother has signed her away. Pay for your child you strange troll woman

Original poster
VivaLasVegas · 14/10/2008 13:13

We don't get tax credits.

My sister is the type that pushes her kids into everything going, cadets, karate, scouts etc etc. half the time they don't want to go but she forces them. I'm surpsised DD has even joined cadets and its juts not her at all so half of me wonders if she is being forced to do it. I have heard from my neice that DD told her she hates it.

When she was here she didn't do stuff like that. She spent all her time out with her mates.

OP posts:
compo · 14/10/2008 13:14

you've blatantly washed your hnds of your poor dd
she's not yet 18 and you're expecting up to pay for her own keep
is that whay you did when you were 16? support yourself?

cocoleBOO · 14/10/2008 13:14

£20 a week of your child from her own money that she works for.

FFS listen to yourself.

LadyOfWaffleIsScaryEnough · 14/10/2008 13:14

Definatly a troll.

compo · 14/10/2008 13:15

'I have heard from my neice that DD told her she hates it. '

don't you speak at all???

more · 14/10/2008 13:15

Last post indicates that you no longer speak to your daughter!!!?

flowerybeanbag · 14/10/2008 13:15

Your dd shouldn't be paying for her board at her age. You should be paying for that.

Have you actually asked her whether she wants to do army cadets? Rather than 'hearing from your niece' that she hates it?