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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish Sister would stop harrassing us for money?

255 replies

VivaLasVegas · 14/10/2008 12:57

Sorry, I have had to name-change as username was too recognisable.

Basically my daughter (16) went to live with my sister in August. There were loads of problems at home and sister offered so she went. We are very grateful for that.

Anyway we give her the child benefit we receieve for DD but she is constantly asking for more money.

First it was that DD had decided to join college so sister asked us for the admin fee and some money for uniform she needed. This came to nearly £100. I gave her it but reminded her that we couldn't keep shelling out £100 here and there, I still have a DD at home to support.

Next thing was that DD had decided to join army cadets so sister was on the phone asking for money for stuff she needed for that. This time it was £20. I told her she had the child benefit and she said I was being selfish.

After that it was a trip DD was going on, sister wanted us to pay for that. I said no.

Thing is it is my sister that is getting her into all these things and she then expects us to pay for it all. I have another daughter at home to current DH and just can't afford what she is asking for every 5 minutes.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Dropdeadfred · 14/10/2008 13:20

she is choosing to go to college to btter her chances and he isn't happy? do you have no say?

more · 14/10/2008 13:20

Could you try to show a bit more interest in your eldest daughter? (I realise this question might seem rude in writing, but it is not meant to be. Genuine question). She is probably feeling really bad about having to stay at her aunty's.

You are both (you and your eldest child) losing touch with each other here, and that is sad. If first you lose her you might (95% chance I would say) never get her back again.

louii · 14/10/2008 13:21

Shame on your daughter for wanting to quit shitty job and try to better herself by going to college how dare she.

Original poster
VivaLasVegas · 14/10/2008 13:21

They didn't get on and still don't.

OP posts:
Dropdeadfred · 14/10/2008 13:21

did he give her no option but to leave home then....?

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 14/10/2008 13:21

This is ridiculous.

Surely if she wasn't in college you wouldn't get child benefit for her anyway? And you seem angry that your sister has encouraged her to continue her education.

MorningTownRide · 14/10/2008 13:22

I'm not sure I can create sufficient bile to pour on you OP.

Poor girl.

Dropdeadfred · 14/10/2008 13:22

how long have you been married?

more · 14/10/2008 13:23

Am I getting it right then that she is living with your sister because she was not getting on with your now partner!!? do you think she might feel that you chose him over her?

Original poster
VivaLasVegas · 14/10/2008 13:23

Its just the way DH was brought up. Neither of us went to college or anything like that.

Basically she got this job and I told her she wouldn't have to pay board for a couple of months. After her first week there DH changed his mind and said he wanted £40 a week off her. She was earning £80.

I can't keep up with the posts. I'm not ignoring anyone.

OP posts:
NotDoingTheHousework · 14/10/2008 13:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

expatinscotland · 14/10/2008 13:24

'They didn't get on and still don't.'

So you put some arsehole ahead of your daughter's feelings.

And you were cool with letting some chap kick your daughter out?

What if your sister hadn't been there to help out? But instead it's your sister who's the bad guy and your daughter, too?

Lady, you're messed up.

LadyOfWaffleIsScaryEnough · 14/10/2008 13:24

She isn't a ruddy cash cow

IllegallyBrunette · 14/10/2008 13:24

He wanted half of her wages . No wonder she wanted to give the job up.

If I were your dd, i'd think you'd chosen him over me.

SmugColditz · 14/10/2008 13:24

This is unacceptable of your sister.

You need to get your daughter home to you, deregister her from all this costly activities, encourage her to get a boyfriend who will pay for her drinks and get her pregnant,, then you can kick her out, completely wash your hands of her, and she will be fixed for a life of complete misery on the paltry benefits handed out to teenage mothers that will, nevertheless, be more than the wages she works her arse off to provide for herself the things you should be providing for her.

YOU should be paying her board, she has a right to live off your income until she is 18. By not providing in any way for her (the child benefit will not cover her needs) you are guilty of neglect.

spicemonster · 14/10/2008 13:25

So your DP changed his mind and you just went along with it? Your poor daughter. I'm not surprised she doesn't want to live with you - you don't sound very nice

Original poster
VivaLasVegas · 14/10/2008 13:25

She left home of her own accord and we didn't know where she was. Still don't know where she went but I got a call from a b&b saying she'd been staying there 2 nights and had done a runner without paying. So she came back here but DH said she couldn't stay.

OP posts:
Dropdeadfred · 14/10/2008 13:25

how long have you been married?
so your dh wouldn't want his daughter to go to college either ?

NotDoingTheHousework · 14/10/2008 13:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

IllegallyBrunette · 14/10/2008 13:25

'Dh said she couldn't stay'

and you said what ??? 'yes bugger off' ??

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 14/10/2008 13:26

So you and your DH didn't go to college, and are in the position where you can't afford to raise your own daughter.

Would you not be happy your daughter is trying to break that cycle?

ImNotOnline · 14/10/2008 13:26
expatinscotland · 14/10/2008 13:26

'But DH said she couldn't stay.'

You're not a mother.

You're a doormat.

expatinscotland · 14/10/2008 13:26

'But DH said she couldn't stay.'

You're not a mother.

You're a doormat.

MorningTownRide · 14/10/2008 13:27

Oh ffs. Excuses, excuses!

You're horrible.

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