to specify "no violent toys please" on party invite

[loobeylou]

Ds will be 4 soon

he went to a party at the weekend where another boy was whacking everyone with a plastic sword. His parents were not there, so the bad behaviour went unchecked, largely. Tho people told him not to, I guess noone felt they had the right to take it from him/cause a scene.since Ds started nursery he has been coming home shooting his finger at us "You're a nasty person and i'm shooting you dead" etc

this horrifies me, I will not accept that is just how boys are. Nursery are very good, they do not own any violent toys and tell them not to play those sorts of games, but it is hard because there are some boys who will pick up a stick, train or lego brick and pretend it is a gun, and the boys are young and only doing what they do at home (I assume). I think it is so sad.

any way, we really do not want ds to ever have any weapon type toys, Is it BU or OK to put on party invite something like "X would like Y to come to his party. Please do not feel obliged to buy a gift, but if you would like to , please respect our wishes and do not buy anything of a violent nature, thanks"

anyone any experience?

AIBU?

otherwise I dread him getting stuff we really don't like and having to hide it from him/send to charity shop

Gun crime is abut isolation from society and gangs. I am sure it doesn't stem from playing with guns as a child
I actually don't think they are popular toys anymore are they?
Your most recent post betrays the level of smug superiority that the invitation hints at.

I can see why you feel that way (I do too) but i think to put that on the invitation is pretty rude. sorry.

I have 2 lovley gentle boys who have never actaully had a real fight with each other or anyone else, or ever done anything remotely aggressive or violent towards another child.

i like the 'little git' WAY more than i like you atm.
are you supposed to be an adult?

some long and detailed background reading for those interested - just a random google, maybe there are some experts on here?
books.google.co.uk/books?hl=en&lr=&id=8_NBW3q__PgC&oi=fnd&pg=PA127&dq=guns+children%27s+games+&ots=N p4gKlkiSX&sig=ZBWkLgnoHfxMtAGSuwOERwYaRYI#PPA134,M1

would you issue a party invite statinf no sterotypcal gender representations of lil girls no dollies/pink/toy prams

or do you merely assume boys are influenced and driven by toys/props?

when girls play with dollies/prams does that predetermine influence their behaviours. will it turn a boy into Kim & Aggy if he has a duster

i don't remember saying anything about kids being potential axe murderers, did i even make a link between violent play and violent youths/adults.I just do not want my children playing at murdering! It is not nice to find it fun to pretend to hurt or kill people.

would it be different if a family member had been the victim of a violent crime/knifing/shooting.

Yes you can protect your kids (we are talking babies here, not teens) from the real world, thats a parents job!

what if one of these boys who is used to playing guns finds a real one abondoned by some total dickhead criminal down an alley way and shoots a mate not realising its real. A 5 yr old shot his baby sister at home recently, remember. I nknow that was different cos probably you all have very different ideas about having real guns in homes with kids.

actually you are right, i would never write that on an invitatioon, because i would only be inviting people whose parents i knew and who I am sure would feel the same.

(what is all this dumping yr kids at parties run by parents youve never met BTW)

at loobeyloos last post (which I missed while typing)

You have made yourself sound deeply unpleasant.

I think you have biger probems than toy weapons tbh.

I would imagine your DS is more likely to struck by lightning than to find a discarded gun in the street. Perhaps you should keep him at home at all times, just to be safe.

Oh, honestly.

My brother in the 60s loved dressing up as a cowboy and had cap guns. He's now a merchant banker and has never stabbed or shot anyone.

Interest in weapons isn't a modern thing. In Tom's Midnight Garden they're making bows and arrows. In Peter Pan there's all sorts of violence. Fairy stories and the Knights of the Round Table and Robin Hood and Treasure Island and the Cavaliers and Roundheads and the Trojan Wars and Roman Gladiators and the Crusades and the Norman Conquest and David and Goliath and the Assyrian coming down like the wolf on the fold....and...and...and...

History, and human life, are full of violence and stories that excite the imaginations of small children. Don't buy weapons for your children if you don't want to, but please don't be naive enough to think that my children are going to grow up to stab people outside nightclubs because I let them pretend to be Sir Lancelot and Sir Galahad.

i think it is a tad precious to add that statement to the invites.
save up the gifts, and get your DC to open them at home.
anything you don't approve of can be scurried away to the charity shop of wherever.

toy swords are actually fab, imo.
encourages hand/eye co-ordination and develops imagination.

you and the other like minded parents are in a froth about "anything of a violent nature" kids toys

why

economic meltdown but no are fretting in case some reprobate brings a "weapon type toy"

the problem is, you are assuming that when children play fight, go bang bang with toy/pretend guns, that they are pretending to kill each other.

In reality they aren't.

Most 5-6yr olds don't even know about murder and killing, not in the violent sense, they are just playing a game.

I tought reception for years, and most of the time the kids where not pretending to kill each other when they played with 'gun' type things.

Sometimes they where acting out their biggest fears, something that is very important for all children to be able to do, it helps them conqour their fears.

no point in being all pious now loobey...
a minute ago I could have sworn you were little miss judgemental, with your not caring about your childs welfare comment, and calling another child a little git....

we loose toy guns under sofa.whoopsy.but yes yabu if you put that on invite-makes you sound very ungrateful.

Dont put it on your invite...just give any toys you dont like to the 'present drawer' to be recycled.
I can see why you are concerned, there is too much violence around but...
Not sure i agree with all you have said. I can see not buying overt guns/swords etc but if they are making them out of other things like sticks then it is part of their imagination and surely you are just then stifling play?

as for dumping and running at parties....
er.. that's what happens when they grow up!

Maybe she has a point.

What if my DS did find a discarded real buzzlightyear lasergun, whilst out...err with me...as he always is, he maythink it was a toy and could imdiscriminantly laser me and his brother.

Ok, being serious, he might find a real sword in the school playground one lunch time and be unable to tell the difference until he'd hacked 5 friends to death and the dinner lady told him to stop.

You do have to take these risks seriously.

my brother in law bans guns for his two boys and they are absoloutely obsessed with them, any money they get is spent on them with gdma and gdad then dad throws them away when they get home, makes them even more determined!

I keep misreading the title of your post as "no violent boys"!

quick call C019 my friends wee boy was recklessly brandishing a replica gun tonight.surely indicative of future soapy bubble

ROFL

I care enough about my DS not to let him near the likes of you.

(MN seems to have gone completely crazy tonight. There are loads of contentious threads being started by people I have never seen before. Are they all on crack?)

scottish mummy - economic melt down has no bearing n how i raise my kids .....

come on looby, one day you will dump your child at a party and you might not know the parents personally