to specify "no violent toys please" on party invite

[loobeylou]

Ds will be 4 soon

he went to a party at the weekend where another boy was whacking everyone with a plastic sword. His parents were not there, so the bad behaviour went unchecked, largely. Tho people told him not to, I guess noone felt they had the right to take it from him/cause a scene.since Ds started nursery he has been coming home shooting his finger at us "You're a nasty person and i'm shooting you dead" etc

this horrifies me, I will not accept that is just how boys are. Nursery are very good, they do not own any violent toys and tell them not to play those sorts of games, but it is hard because there are some boys who will pick up a stick, train or lego brick and pretend it is a gun, and the boys are young and only doing what they do at home (I assume). I think it is so sad.

any way, we really do not want ds to ever have any weapon type toys, Is it BU or OK to put on party invite something like "X would like Y to come to his party. Please do not feel obliged to buy a gift, but if you would like to , please respect our wishes and do not buy anything of a violent nature, thanks"

anyone any experience?

AIBU?

otherwise I dread him getting stuff we really don't like and having to hide it from him/send to charity shop

It's not something boys have to do, and they are not all the same
I do believe that it can be part of imaginative play and the children that partake in these games are no more likely to become violent offenders than those that don't.

I wouldn't buy a violent toy for as boy but I would giggle at someone writing it on the invitation

I don't see what is good about children doing things you disapprove of only outside the home, Pillock? What if as they grow up they extend this principal to other things, like stealing, or smoking, or taking drugs? Do you really want your children to grow up thinking it's ok to do things you disapprove of as long as mum doesn't see it?

i think it's fine that you personally don't like guns as toys. your choice.
but YABU to write what you've said in the OP on the party invite.
don't do it.
and try not to be judgemental about parents who have other priorities.

wee boys run around with toy swords does not mena they really want to rape and pillage. wee boys with a gun doesn't make 'em rambo

play and suspension of reality and role playing/characterisation are developmental milestones to be enjoyed

maybe you are actually denying your boy an opportunity for play by transposing your adult interpretation onto appropriate childhood play

are you usually so controlling and poncy?

no we're not cavemen, but we have inherited certain characteristics, genes, inate behaviours (whatever you want to call them) form our ancestors who go this far purely because they did know how to fight.

I'm not sure I'm getting my point across well. I am not condoning violence, knife crime, gun crime, or aggressive behaviour, just saying that we cannot dismiss it as something entirely learned, there is more to it than just copying other children.

loobey how about researching some proper studies into the relationship between access to tpy weapons as a child and future aggressive behaviour as an adult? You might be pleasantly surprised.

ACtually we don't live in a society where violent crime is increasing: it has decreased steadily since 1995

Moreover, though there are many many headlines about knife crime leading to the death of young people, the number of people killed by knives is much smaller than the public imagines.

no, I think it is ok for him to join in with play with his friends, because I know that we have talked about it being only pretend and why mummy doesn't like it. I don't disapprove of him using his imagination, I just want to be sure he understands that violence is not a game. I am confident he understands the right and wrongs of it and would never take it further than the 'let's pretend' stage, which is why I am not worried if he joins in.

georgi isn't that pretty much what all children do?

What even a lot of adults still do with their parents?

OK folks,I decide to thank some of you for your input, good to see i am NOT on my own (interesting article BTW) and accept that some of you are just not as concerned about your kids welfare as me, the precious smug perfect parent LOL!!

accept it as inevitable if you like, if that eases your conscience, but not in this family, my brothers never did violent, nor did DHs family, its just something totally abhorent to us. Would you want your kids playing "lets do drugs"? or "lets rob an old lady" just because that sort of thing happens? I'd probably spot your kids a mile off and not invite the little brats/darlings anyway! (that was meant in good humour before you all go getting offended)

BTW the little dear doing all the whacking with the sword (who will not be invited) was the only kid whose parents did not stay for the party, guess they wanted time away from the little git!

loobey alternatively do not bother 'researching'

i have got boys from 16 years to 10 weeks

aside from tiny guns on playmobile pirates we have not had guns swords daggers ..nada....

there is no need

we have also never had fights .....

my understanding there is no correlation between use of replica toys and future propensity to actual violence

Message withdrawn

certainly not true that all boys have this instinct to turn everything into a weapon but some do, and don't need demonising on mn or at nursery as potential axe murderers either .

Fucking hell.

willself i beg

to differ

Oh I hate all this 'little git' nonsense

they don't all have the instinct at all i have a nearly 15 year old who is a pacifist through and through from birth

i also have a 7 year old who is the exact opposite

not concerned about our kids welfare?

I'm sorry but that comment has made me see red. How the fuck would you know?

YABU to expect specific presents or have any say in it (gift buying), just take what you are given and get rid of what you don't like. I don't have an issue with toy guns so IMO YABU.

OMG Loobey!!!!!!!
smug and sanctimonious

ROFL
...and there i was giving you the benefit of the doubt.

Making offensive comments then saying "that was meant in good humour before you all go getting offended" just won't wash I'm afraid, loubeylou. You've made it very clear that you do mean to be offensive.

Oh and, while this little boy was behaving inappopriately in the absence of his parents, why didn't you stop him? Maybe there would be less of a problem if people like you stopped being smug about your own superior choices and actually "walked the walk".

I don't mind my boys having toy weapons (in fact we have a positive arsenal in the dressing up basket), neither do I judge my good friend who does not want her ds having or playing with these toys. Everyone makes their own choices for their own children.
I would never buy a toy weapon for a child's birthday, however if I read that on an invite I would think you were out of your mind.

I wouldn't worry about the party, if other parents know you view their dc's like that, you probably won't have any guests.

not only do you sound smug and sanctimonious, but you are coming across as rather ignorant too.