I have just been shouted at by the parent of DS1's latest victim. AIBU to think they'd be better off yelling at the school because I am doing my bloody best and am now scared to go into the playground, which is ridiculous?

[Peachy]

Sorry.

Am not so much angry that he approached- God knows I'd have done the same- but he wouldn't listen and kept saying in a put on voice 'yeah yeah I know he has needs'. The aggression of the dad dd make me shake (still am) and I feel like crying still.

What I was actually trying to say, if he had listened, was that I was very sorry and that he should approach the school in the hope they'd support our constant requests to them to watch him at lunchtime.

Most of all though I am scared that ds1's behaviour makes me feel sick - today he kicked the exact site of the injury on a boy with a recnt leg op. He says the boy ran after him- boy was on crutches. It's all bullshit, it's always bullshit and ds1 is angry at us for not beleiving him.

The school called the Dad in to get his son, so why the f didn't they tell us?
had I been alone i'd have been petrified; I had ds2, 3 and 4 with me.

Am really wishing I could just sign some forms for ds1 to go to a behavioural unit but school will barely acknowledge an issue atm, as they don't want any more 1-1's in the school and his current one already has too many hours. They have to try that before anything else: ed psych dept ahs closed due to staff shortages as well.

Ths was in front of the Mum of poor little ds2's new friend (DS2 has been hurt by kids telling him to top DS1 hurting them so chances are, as before, friend won't be allowed to play with ds2 now. But ds2 can't help his brother.

I think my patience with ds1 is running out. I love him dearly but truth be told he can be a little shit and I hate to think that way.

peachy ive only read a bit but wanted to just say-hope the school gets its act together.ive no advice and have no idea how id cope in same situation but sounds like your doing a bloody good job.

Yes. He's a big lad now. Second yr at school. I suspect that you are being kind though - I am fairly certain that the last time you saw him he was having a tantrum about not being allowed to stay and play with DD at Rainbows

I think you have to get tough with your local education authority/and school. Sounds like your son has trouble communicating/socialising with other kids and leaving him to fend for himself in playground at lunch times is doing him/other kids no favours. Most schools welcome additional resources and your son's school's attitude to more 1:1 seems strange, it will help their staff out.
You should request that the local educational authority conduct a statutory assessment of his needs and argue that his needs are not being met by the resources available within the school, they need more money and training to give him more help. If you can afford it get an independent educational psychologist to do a report setting out what his needs are, how the school are failing and what the school/LEA should be doing/providing.

Unfortunately these things can get worse if left to just continue, the answer is generally, better informed/trained staff and more adult time to do specific programs to help him learn stuff that he doesn't get like other kids do.

The LEA's staffing problems are not your problem. Starting the legal process of requesting a statutory assessment will force them to give your case attention now, strict time limits apply etc.

aah just seen that he already has a statement - when was it done? Is it the case that 10 hours per week isn't enough, if so you probably need to request a reassessment.

It was done in December 06, the infant school didnt back us (didnt want statements on stats, have several now)- he's in jniors now.

We have a good senco who has been away (adopting a sn kid )- I need to go in and talk I think.

peachy sorry to hear about your problems .
My daughter went to a SN school and is wheelchair bound with C.P. She was sexaully assaulted by a boy in her school last Nov. When I saw how upset and traumatised she was in the following weeks/months...and at times since. I could quite cheerfully have throttled that boy for his actions because that is MY daughter he has hurt. This is obviously a natural reaction of a parent who is angry that the 'situation' occured in the first place.
I phoned up different groups and took my fury out on the school because A) He was with my daughter unsupervised in a room alone. B) The school was already aware that he had a 'fixation' on my DD. C)He was undergoing councilling for his behaviour towards other female pupils [did school know he was a threat but failed to keep other students safe?]Because I took school to task he got 1-1 at all times. Please don't think I'm trying to make you feel bad but the school does have an obligation to keep other pupils safe so if they know of your sons AS and this incident they are not only failing your son they are failing in their duties to provide a safe environment for the other kids too. Is it truly inclusion if the other kids are isolating him because of his SN? I think you should put this post on SN section too they may have more ideas of help for you. I think the dad of the other boy was propably really angry because if the other lad has had an operation he may have been home convalessing [s.p] for a while and thats obviously added to his stress [although i don't condone playground aggression from parents] he may have thought they'de have to re-operate. I do truly feel for you it was'nt a very nice experience for both you and your DCs to go through. Please don't blame yourself though. x

salsmum- thank you and to your dd

O+I don't blame the dad for being angry: I do thik he could have hadled it better

I agree the cause here is a failure by school, but its part me for not pushing enough

Hi Peachy

Am so sorry you have had to deal with an angry parent when you have been asking for help. It is always difficult getting SN help or statementing (Mum was a teacher for 30 years) but the one thing I can suggest is approaching your local MP. I know people are wary of doing this, but I work for 2 MPs and deal with cases that are very similar to yours with some success. Trust me, sometimes they are useful people!

Let me know if you need any info on going about this

x

Just checked in to see how the letter went down yesterday
glad you handed it over, definitely did a good thing there. I hope your DS has a good day at school today and you all have a relaxing weekend to look forward to. Certainly, you deserve a break after this week! x

Hi Peachy,
How did the assembly go? I also was moved at your determination to show your ds that you love him and are proud of him. You're an example to us all.

I didnt get any response to the letter although Mum said her usual hi in the playground so am hoping all OK

However school insist this is a genuine accident (so a bit hurtful all this distress was caused)

Play went well- he needed printed words but did himself proud.

He did wellington carnival last night (my boys in a club of 20)- just about to pop a pic of ds1 on my profile, thet got 4 cups!

Pic now done

So sorry to hear this, Peachy. You must feel overwhelmed by it all. I definitely agree that when it's hard to get people to listen to you, writing letters is a great way to go. So letters to the school, copying in all the relevant bodies, and letters to any parents whose children have had a run-in with your DS, again copying in the relevant bodies, apologising and asking for their help to ensure your son receives adequate supervision.

Really stress the health and safety aspect/duty of care vs negligence aspect of this - it's the sort of language schools respond to.