I have just been shouted at by the parent of DS1's latest victim. AIBU to think they'd be better off yelling at the school because I am doing my bloody best and am now scared to go into the playground, which is ridiculous?

[Peachy]

Sorry.

Am not so much angry that he approached- God knows I'd have done the same- but he wouldn't listen and kept saying in a put on voice 'yeah yeah I know he has needs'. The aggression of the dad dd make me shake (still am) and I feel like crying still.

What I was actually trying to say, if he had listened, was that I was very sorry and that he should approach the school in the hope they'd support our constant requests to them to watch him at lunchtime.

Most of all though I am scared that ds1's behaviour makes me feel sick - today he kicked the exact site of the injury on a boy with a recnt leg op. He says the boy ran after him- boy was on crutches. It's all bullshit, it's always bullshit and ds1 is angry at us for not beleiving him.

The school called the Dad in to get his son, so why the f didn't they tell us?
had I been alone i'd have been petrified; I had ds2, 3 and 4 with me.

Am really wishing I could just sign some forms for ds1 to go to a behavioural unit but school will barely acknowledge an issue atm, as they don't want any more 1-1's in the school and his current one already has too many hours. They have to try that before anything else: ed psych dept ahs closed due to staff shortages as well.

Ths was in front of the Mum of poor little ds2's new friend (DS2 has been hurt by kids telling him to top DS1 hurting them so chances are, as before, friend won't be allowed to play with ds2 now. But ds2 can't help his brother.

I think my patience with ds1 is running out. I love him dearly but truth be told he can be a little shit and I hate to think that way.

[LilRedWG]

Peachy - I'm so sorry that this is happening. You and your DS should be getting so much more support from the LEA.

[chipmonkey]

at bobbysmum, bloody ignorant atttitude!

[nooka]

Peachy how come you have no access to your son's teacher? That sounds crazy (not that you are crazy, the school). I thought that partnership was required now, and with a son with special needs essential. What a horrible position. I think you have to ask to see the Head, class teacher and SENCO to get things resolved, and see if you can find an external advocate too. I sounds very head in the sand of the school to manage things so badly, and must worry you no end. Also you need to pursue getting your son back into the health system. Ring up the paed and get him reassessed, and make sure that you do not say that you are coping well. It is not an admission of failure to ask for more help, but you do have to be assertive about it (difficult in those situations I know)

[Litchick]

Someone I know was in this position and ended up having to go into school herself.
In many ways I applaud her for taking the responsiblity BUT it has let the school off the hook so to speak.
As far as I can see she'll be supervising for ever more...not great when she wants to get back to work.

[Peachy]

Well that would never be an option thankfully, due to 24 week old baby and the fact that both sn kids are in different schools and I have tried cutting myself in three before- it doesn't work!

[Peachy]

'To the parents of XXX

I am sorry your son was hurt at the school yesterday, and I hope he is recovering.

I assure you that had I known of the incident I would have been straight into the school to resolve, sadly I had not been informed.

We did go over to find Mr Head but he was busy. We e-mailed when we got home, and he approached us to say this incident was an accident.

I am hoping this is the case, however I have been asking for ds1 to have break time supervision for some time now without success. He does have a statement of special needs, which we had to fight for, that covers 10 hours a week but the school uses this in class time.

If you need to follow this up you have our backing: not only would you, quite rightly, be protecting your so but you might just help ds1 get the support he needs as well.

Our e-mail is X if you there is anything we don?t know about, or have not been told. We have been told tat ds1 is behaving well at the moment but know this is not always the case.

Again, our apologies to you and X.

Mr & Mrs Peachy.'

?????/

[PinkTulips]

that note is perfect peachy.

hopefully it will encourage them to complain to the school about their way of dealing with the situation.

[Lemontart]

good luck with that Peachy. I think your letter sounds spot on. I hope the parents are sensible and decent enough to read the letter and respond appropriately.
If the school had handled it better, then it would not have come to this of course... but seeing as it has, then your letter sounds caring, honest and heartfelt x

[kt14]

I'm feeling sorry for bobby. God help him if he were to develop any kind of behavioural disorder at any point.

[Buda]

Great note Peachy. Be interesting to see what the reply is.

[UniversallyChallenged]

I read your note as if I was the parent of the child hurt. It's good, the only thing I would want is more than one line about my child's being hurt - especially if he was on crutches and your ds had kicked him on the spot when he was operated on. I may appear to some parents you are just saying a quick "am really sorry" then all about ds's needs.

[Peachy]

Oh well have handed it over now- I did my best. I didnt know what else I could say really.

Actually this has all got me very confuse

child is not* on crutches- was runninga round playground yesterday

*Head maintains was an accident

*Head disciplined ds1 yesterday

have no more ideas

[TeaTime]

hi Peachy,
Just coming in late to this thread to offer support and empathy - I haven't been in quite the situation you are in, (shouted at by angry parent) but my son also has a statement and his behaviour has made me feel 'sick' sometimes too. Then you feel worse because you know you have to be on his side most of all, but you can't help also understanding how other parents feel and you end up completely at a loss HOW to feel!! I'm appalled that you get so little support from the school as it sounds like your son needs full time support more than mine (who at the moment has all day cover, all week, given by two part-time TAs!) I'm sure you've already done everything you can but it seems so wrong that we're in an LEA 'lottery' for how statements get used / interpreted. Warwickshire has a Parent PArtnership service which I have used sometimes and I think if you feel too tired to fight you should get some group like that to help or do it for you if you can find them. It seems that the provision given in the Statement needs reviewing.
I wonder whether your son is sensing all the negativity and 'flack'? That would surely make his behaviour worse - he needs to feel accepted and valued. I found that a new teacher who viewed him differently last year completely changed his behaviour in school, so after getting 2 or 3 'discipline slips' (level 8 of their discipline procedure) a week it went down to one a term. It might not have just been her, he also naturally matured and started to 'see the point' but he definitely was a happier chap.

Anyway I really don't know how you cope with 3 others too - I only have the one to worry about. Lots of hugs - good luck with the letter - it seemed to hit just the right note to me, well done!

[Joe90]

Hi Peachy, just a quicky, you might want to read this and make the SENCO read it too! (from Amazon website).
Asperger Syndrome and Difficult Moments: Practical Solutions for Tantrums, Rage and Meltdowns by Brenda Smith Myles and Jack Southwick (Paperback - Mar 2005)
Buy new: £14.95 £13.45
14 Used & new from £6.62
Get it by Friday, Sep 26 if you order in the next 3 hours and choose express delivery.
Eligible for FREE Super Saver Delivery.
4.0 out of 5 stars (4)

[Peachy]

OOh thanks joe90 - will get that

I thought about what universallychallenged said. I think that unless parents or school tell me otherwise I have to pretend to believe its an accident (I say pretend, I've seen him do this tripping lark at home and deny it).

So too much aplogy wouldnt be right iyswim?

Whereas if it comes back as not an accident I can review.

DS1 did take in a sorry card he made yesterday.

[newforold]

If i were the parents of the other child i'd be quite touched that you had bothered to write to us and would probably be a little ashamed of the way i'd spoken to you.

Hope things get sorted. x x

[Peachy]

Tomorrow is the school assembly and ds1 and other kid will both be there performing.

Normally I'd have backed out due to this, but (in part bcause of this thread and the support) dh and I are going, with our heads held high.

There is nothing more we can do for ds1. If anything else appears, we will do it.

We have had some stuff thrown at us over the last decade that would tear other coulpes apart- heck its not as if we had big foundations: together 3 months when ds1 conceived.

But we're stiil together, and ds1 needs to know that we love him and although his behaviour saddens us at times, we are proud to be his parents.

[cikecaka]

Have been watching this thread and after reading your last post Peachy, I felt I had to let you know that the last line moved me to tears!

[OrmIrian]

I think the note sounded just right. You had already apologised so no more profuse apologies were needed so the note was a perfect explanation of the situation and how you were dealing with it.

Agree with cikecaka - that was a lovely last line. I think that is how many of us feel about our DC - SN or not.

[SmudgeyDoodle]

Me to cikecaka. I used to work with parents of children with all kinds of SN and what you have written over the last 2 days reminded me so much of the experiences of many. Peachy you are doing your best and you need the support of the school. Hope the school assembly goes well and that DS1 is proud of his performance with his very special mum and dad watching

[Cadelaide]

Oh well done Peachy and Mr Peachy, you hold your heads up.

What great parents your boy has.

[Peachy]

Now i'm crying LOL

I am sponsored by kleenex

[dustystar]

{{{hugs}}} peachy

[Miaou]

Well done you. No advice, but you are handling this - all of this - so well

[Peachy]

thank you