I have just been shouted at by the parent of DS1's latest victim. AIBU to think they'd be better off yelling at the school because I am doing my bloody best and am now scared to go into the playground, which is ridiculous?

[Peachy]

Sorry.

Am not so much angry that he approached- God knows I'd have done the same- but he wouldn't listen and kept saying in a put on voice 'yeah yeah I know he has needs'. The aggression of the dad dd make me shake (still am) and I feel like crying still.

What I was actually trying to say, if he had listened, was that I was very sorry and that he should approach the school in the hope they'd support our constant requests to them to watch him at lunchtime.

Most of all though I am scared that ds1's behaviour makes me feel sick - today he kicked the exact site of the injury on a boy with a recnt leg op. He says the boy ran after him- boy was on crutches. It's all bullshit, it's always bullshit and ds1 is angry at us for not beleiving him.

The school called the Dad in to get his son, so why the f didn't they tell us?
had I been alone i'd have been petrified; I had ds2, 3 and 4 with me.

Am really wishing I could just sign some forms for ds1 to go to a behavioural unit but school will barely acknowledge an issue atm, as they don't want any more 1-1's in the school and his current one already has too many hours. They have to try that before anything else: ed psych dept ahs closed due to staff shortages as well.

Ths was in front of the Mum of poor little ds2's new friend (DS2 has been hurt by kids telling him to top DS1 hurting them so chances are, as before, friend won't be allowed to play with ds2 now. But ds2 can't help his brother.

I think my patience with ds1 is running out. I love him dearly but truth be told he can be a little shit and I hate to think that way.

[Anna8888]

How very, very difficult for you .

[Twiglett]

how can you possibly be neglecting your child when the school is in 'loco parentis' .. stop it!

[bloomingfedup]

Actually maybe its not the school's fault? Funding issues???

[jimjamshaslefttheyurt]

"However, if i were in the position of the other parent i'd possibly have behaved the same way, not with the violence but there would definatly have been words."

I say this repeatedly on here, but it is so much more helpful to complain to the school, LEA, councillors and MPs if the issue involved SN.

[poppy34]

oh peachy - no advice just sympathy -it must be very hard for you

[WorzselMummage]

Yes but when your childs recently operated on leg has just been kicked for no reason by a child with known violence issues then reporting to the school who has done nothing about it in the past seems like a pretty pointless option, the school are obviously aware already.

[singyswife]

Hi, Not the same thing I know but thought maybe this would help. I know a little boy who has terrible temper issues (his mum is beaten and he is treated really strictly and unfairly sometimes so he has issues), anyway the mum decided enough was enough and threw the dad out. The little boy started hitting her swearing at her and genrally being nasty (copying dad). The mum took him to the gp saying she feared for herself anf her other children. The gp in the first instance gave her a book which they were to read as a family on anger management. The next step will be 1-1 councelling. This has all came from the gp. Maybe bypass the school and go straight to gp explaining what he is like. Maybe they will tell you where you go now. Sorry for you and your little boy who you clearly love to bits.

[Twiglett]

he was sounding off .. can't blame him .. though it's not fair

will you consider writing to them?

[jimjamshaslefttheyurt]

inclusion is a fucking joke and these threads always remind me why.

Sit down and explain to him peachy that'll work

[jimjamshaslefttheyurt]

Peachy's son has AS. It's not a temper issue. It doesn't need family counselling. It needs proper supervision/support from someone who understands AS.

[bloomingfedup]

I would NEVER confront another parent regardless, it is sooo inappropriate. If a parent has a problem it should be directed at the school not at the parent. This sort of behaviour can lead to friction and parents falling out and the situation not being resolved.

My DD has had ishoos with another child which then school resolved, i talk to the nother all the time and have never breathed a word - why would I?

[wheresthehamster]

The trigger is playtime, he gets 10 hours and playtime isn't covered??? That is CRAZY!!!

[jimjamshaslefttheyurt]

And - who is there- and will step in before the explosion and preferably prevent it coming in the first place.

[singyswife]

Yes I know, I said it wasnt the same I was just trying to point out that the gp's can help with things like this. Is there a specialist unit near you (we have autistic units in many schools and a special needs school down the road) can you maybe get a refereal to them through your gp.

[bloomingfedup]

At DD school sometimes children with behavioral issues go home at dinner - is that an option for you?

[PinkTulips]

i'm so sorry peachy.

the other dad was in the wrong to yell at you but judging by the description you give of the incident he was probably feeling really shaken and upset himself (not and excuse, just that i can understand why he might have lost control like that)

not fair on you though when you're doing your best in an extremely tough situation.

is there any way at all you can force the school to use his 1-1 time during playtime?

could they even give him something structured to do to keep him busy so he's not panicing when he feels at a loose end, some art project he could do over a few weeks during lunch?

sorry, no idea what i'm talking about obviously just hate pointless sympathy when you need solutions to the problem.

[lou031205]

peachy I am for you. Your son may be challenging, but he is being failed by the LEA. He is not in a position to modify his reactions, which is why he needs his 1:1 to assist him.

When does he currently receive his 1:1? Could it be adjusted to cover break times and some lesson times?

[CrushWithEyeliner]

blooming his son had been operated on and then assaulted - he was in a temper. I am not condoning but he just lost his rag and had to blame someone. sitch all round...

[Combustiblelemon]

Could you get the father to send a solicitor's letter to the school? Surely if your DS caused serious injury to another child, the school would be liable if they know he needs supervision and fail to provide it.

[neolara]

If the ed psychs are out of action, are there other agencies that can help instead? For example, in some LEA's there are advisory teachers for behaviour or autism. They should be able to come into school and help the teachers plan how they could best support your DS during playtimes. Also, in some LEAs schools have a budget for TAs that is independent of individual children's SEN. Schools can then use this money as they wish. In your case, they could use a TA to support your DS during playtime should they consider this the best use of resources.

Sorry you are having such a stressful time.

[slightlycrumpled]

Oh Peachy, that really is very for all concerened.

IMO the school were extremely remiss in not contacting you as well as the other parent to inform you of what had happenned.

It is extremely unfair that your DS gets so few hours on his statement.

[cornsilk]

No support at playtime is crap and IMO also lazy from the school.
I personally think the dad was out of order to have a go like that, as the school had already spoken to him before he collected his child so he knew it was being dealt with. Presumably they would have mentioned that he had SN and any sanctions or appropriate steps that would be taken. I know he was angry but he wasn't going to achieve anything other than upsetting and embarrassing peachy by shouting at her.