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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to resent paying for other people's wine when I'm pregnant and can't drink?

125 replies

fruitstick · 21/09/2008 21:45

I'm being very grumpy but went out last night for a birthday dinner with a large group of friends. We are the only couple who have children and I'm pregnant with DC2.

Not only did it cost us £40 for a baby sitter but the bill was split and came to £42 each, half of which was for the wine!

I had to sit and watch everyone get rat arsed whilst I had half a glass, then leave early as we had to get back for babysitter, and pay through the nose for the privilege.

I'm really worried about money at the moment but should I feel allowed to object or just accept that it's one of the pitfalls of being pregnant.

Harrumph.

OP posts:
Dragonbutter · 21/09/2008 21:47

i'd speak up.
or get some poorer friends (with kids)

WilfSell · 21/09/2008 21:47

It is not one of the pitfalls of being pregnant, it is one of the pitfalls of good manners.

It is shockingly bad manners to quibble about the bill. Split it and recognise they're you're friends and what goes around comes around.

YABU.

WilfSell · 21/09/2008 21:48

your

BreevandercampLGJ · 21/09/2008 21:49

How cringeworthy.

Snaf · 21/09/2008 21:49

Surely you must have known before you went that everyone else would be drinking?

Merlin · 21/09/2008 21:50

I'm all for splitting the bill, but if someone hasn't drunk anything I wouldn't expect them to cover the cost of the wine.

I think your friends should have knocked a bit off your share of the bill TBH.

Blandmum · 21/09/2008 21:50

It all evens out over the years IME.

Worst case if this was a couple that I knew who wanted a reduced bill because the wife was PG and didn't each much, so wouldn't eat half her meal.

They thought the rest of us should pay for the food she didn't eat.

TBH, if you are rally worried about the mony, I'd have a cozy night in, instead

constancereader · 21/09/2008 21:50

I have been in this situation many times and the only thing to do is exactly what you did - take it on the chin and pay without any quibbles.

chunkychips · 21/09/2008 21:51

You can't really quibble over it. It would have been nice if someone else could have pointed out that you should pay less, but you can't really bring it up yourself.

2cats2many · 21/09/2008 21:51

Sorry, but I agree with Wilfsell. I'm sure there's been times when you've had more than your fair share of the booze when you've been out with friends. What goes around does come around around. If you were that worried about money at the moment, perhaps you shouldn;'t have gone out to dinner?

everlong · 21/09/2008 21:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

imananny · 21/09/2008 21:56

agree with what merlin said I'm all for splitting the bill, but if someone hasn't drunk anything I wouldn't expect them to cover the cost of the wine.

I think your friends should have knocked a bit off your share of the bill TBH.

gen if i go out with close friends we spilt the bill equal as we all take turns to drive so what comes around, goes around

but if out with lots of people i dont think it is fair for a non drinker whether pregnant or coz they dont want/like to drink/driveing to pay for those who do drink, and then we spilt the bill for minus the drinkers

susia · 21/09/2008 21:56

completely agree with you but you don't want to look mean;

On a works Christmas do - we went to a restaurant and all had pizza etc and split the bill. My boss apparently was pissed off that she paid the same as everyone else when she didn't eat desserts. She earns about double what we earn so it seemed really petty!

I do agree though with what you are saying. My brothers and I sometimes go for familly meals with our kids. It was only when I said something that we stopped just splitting the bill three ways despite me being a single parent of one child (ie 2 of us) and them each being married with 2 kids (4 of them). I did eventually say something and we now do a complication calculation.

I do find this all the time though and it does annoy me. You have to find the balance between looking mean and it being fair. Your friends without children would never appreciate the cost of babysitters so you can't bring that into the equation.

paddingtonbear1 · 21/09/2008 22:00

If I'd gone out to dinner with my best friends and hadn't been drinking, they would have knocked some off my bill. This has happened in the past. They offered though, I didn't ask. If you're in a large group it's a bit difficult though, you just have to chip in and say nothing in this case imo.

blimey · 21/09/2008 22:00

I find some of the views expressed here hard to understand - whenever I drink alcohol at a group meal I always suggest none drinkers pay a different rate - I think this is only fair when wine can make up over half the bill. I really don't understand why some people think its ok for none drinkers to pay for wine when it is sooo expensive. Can anyone help me out on this? I don't think I have a regular enough group that I go out with for it to really even out. And is it really fair to say don't go out if you can't afford to subsidise other people's drinking?

nbee84 · 21/09/2008 22:01

It narks me a bit too.

I don't drink and the people we go out with like nice wines and plenty of it. The bill always gets split equally.

But apart from having the odd moan to my dh, as someone previously said, 'it's bad manners to quibble over the bill'

Original poster
fruitstick · 21/09/2008 22:01

I know I know, I've never quibbled about a bill in my life but I think I'm just fed up of being the only one of my friends to have children and everyone else seeming to be having more fun than me (and it made up half of the bill!)

It was a wedding anniversary so couldn't not go (and really want to go out as much as we can before the new baby)..... and I had a lovely time so I really can't complain.

clearly I am just being a grumpy sod.

OP posts:
onepieceoflollipop · 21/09/2008 22:01

This is one of those difficult situations imo.

I felt sorry for a work colleague who was persuaded to join the team for part of a meal while she was on-call. (she had an official 1 hour break). She got called out mid-meal, then the next day she was told she should pay not just for her meal (which she thought fair enough, wasn't anyone's fault that she couldn't finish it) but also equal shares of the drinks bill. Had I been there I would have disagreed on her behalf

I agree with other posters who say that tbh you can't really bring it up if you are the one who is pg/not drinking etc. I do find it v cheeky if you regularly drive and offer your drinking friends a lift and still they expect you to pay the same share...you then subsidise their drinking plus save them the cost of a taxi.

onepieceoflollipop · 21/09/2008 22:03

fruitstick just order 6 puddings to make up for it.

blimey · 21/09/2008 22:04

Why don't drinkers bring this issue up - why does the none drinker have to feel hard done by if they say nothing or mean if they bring it up?

imananny · 21/09/2008 22:04

fruitstick - you are not being a grumpy sod - your friends should have reliesed and said something

im out with my friends next weekend for bday bash, and one is pregnant, and i certainly wouldnt make her pay for the huge amounts of wine and beer that hubby and i and others will drink

Snaf · 21/09/2008 22:05

Because they're all too pissed to notice, blimey...

Guadalupe · 21/09/2008 22:07

Just one of those things, slightly annoying, but if you mention it you sound like a stinge. Better to pay up or not go.

blimey · 21/09/2008 22:07

lol but also a bit

CantSleepWontSleep · 21/09/2008 22:08

I think you just have to accept it tbh. Otherwise where do you draw the line - so and so didn't have pudding, so and so didn't have a starter, one person's main course was less than another's - then splitting the bill just becomes a nightmare.

That said, I went out with very gracious friends last night, who did actually bother to recognise that half the group weren't drinking (either pregnant or driving), and split the bill accordingly. It was quite a surprise, and I had been expecting and happy to pay an equal share.