to resent paying for other people's wine when I'm pregnant and can't drink?

[fruitstick]

I'm being very grumpy but went out last night for a birthday dinner with a large group of friends. We are the only couple who have children and I'm pregnant with DC2.

Not only did it cost us £40 for a baby sitter but the bill was split and came to £42 each, half of which was for the wine!

I had to sit and watch everyone get rat arsed whilst I had half a glass, then leave early as we had to get back for babysitter, and pay through the nose for the privilege.

I'm really worried about money at the moment but should I feel allowed to object or just accept that it's one of the pitfalls of being pregnant.

Harrumph.

I have not read the whole thread in detail, BUT is think this is one of those tricky areas where it very much depends on the circumstances.
What I mean is that while I agree that it is bad manners to quibble about the bill, I also think it's bad manners to split the bill where it is clear that it will cause someone to pay a lot more than they should.
After all, good manners is all about making other people feel comfortable and being considerate. I nearly always split the bill, but am always conscious of the fact that it may not be appropriate if people have very different meals, particularly where you know that they don't have lots of money.
A few years ago my parents bumped into some friends at a cafe - it was not pre-arranged, but they decided to sit together (as you would). The other couple had a late lunch, while my parents just had cake and coffee. When the bill came, the other couple (who were much better off than my parents) just slip the bill in half. My parents didn't say anything, as it would have a bit humiliating for them to do so.

Haven't read all the posts either but me and dh usually go out at christmas with a group of dh friends.. We split the bill for food but drinks are purchased seperately. No one minds this. Could this be an option in future.

" I really don't understand why some people think its ok for none drinkers to pay for wine when it is sooo expensive"

but i think there's a difference between someone who doesn't drink full stop and someone who is just not drinking that particular night/for a period of time (i.e. pregnant).
because with a tee-totaller they would be expected to subsidise others drinking regularly without any nights when they themselves would have been subsidised.
if someone isn't drinking that particular night but is out with friends they will have invariably had nights when they have drank a glass or two more of the wine than others or even had others in the group who weren't drinking that night so when the bill was split evenly on those occassions they would have been subsidised themselves and probably not mentioned the unfairness of it all.

I bloody hate peole who pick about bill splitting.

I agree that it's socially unacceptable generally not to split the bill, but at the same time some people really do take the p&^% and alcohol bumps it up considerably.

If you're out regularly with trusted friends, I agree it probably evens out over the years. I think it's the responsibility of those who have over indulged to do the right thing and not take advantage.

I think the whole 'oh it's so rude' angle shows a lack of awareness of the fact that a tenner may not mean much to one person, but it may mean a massive amount to another

I have been out with friends and chosen my meal very deliberately because I had just £20 to last me the week.

being able to wave a hand airily at the whole idea of bill splitting is a luxury that not everyone has

should skint people just stay inside?

It evens out as others have said, you won't always be pregnant. Although I do sympathise if money is an issue.

I think splitting the bill or assuming other people are happy to do so is rudeness personified and find it hard to believe that some people think a reluctance to do so is somehow bad manners.

You should have spoken up though.

I think if you want to pay a different amount to the drinkers then you do actually need to not be drinking.

You say you had half a glass, but in a large group someone else may have had a glass and a half and if you start splitting over who's drunk more than others it gets silly.

I must admite that when I was preggers I probably drank the equivalent cost in fruit juice/soft drinks...

BUT - when out with a non-drinker eg pregnant lady or designated driver I always suggest that we give them a discount..eg £10 less than eeryone else...most people (probably because of the soft drink thing) do decline this though and pay the same

I had this same quandry on Sat night, I organised my sister hen do, there was a few non drinkers there, so I split the food bill by 13 of us and the drinks bill by the 8 that were drinking. I did say that this would be happening at the beginning of the night, so there was no drunken arguments later on ( i would normally be happy splitting the bill though)

Well I was out on saturday night with some very nice friends and half of them weren't drinking and of course the drinkers separated the wine from the food and paid for it. that is the only gracious thing to do imo. However I hate people splitting hairs over a bill and if they did it would be the last time I went out to eat with them.
By that I mean starters, soft drinks and desserts and coffees. I waitressed for years in my youth and it was, I am ashamed to say ONLY women who did this and often they were pissed and 'forgot' what they had anyway. It was usually cringeworthy to observe.

I know what it is like to be broke and when I am I don't go out. I would much rather stay in that be worried about a bill, I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself.
I have a friend who doesn't have much of an income and if we ask him to eat out with us he often will join us after dinner for a glass or two of wine and then he can throw a tenner in to the bill or whatever. He still gets to see us without feeling like a charity case.

Agree with Cappucino.

YANBU

Actually avoid going out with some childless well off friends these days as we just can't afford it and I DO resent paying vast amounts when all I've had is a veggie starter and a glass of tap water.

I'm on an EXTREMELY tight budget when it comes to socialising and I think true friends should be sensitive to this not take the piss.

I know people who spend £400 on a night out my maximum budget at a push is £40 so it's a shame but we just don't see much of them anymore.

This happened to me a lot too.

I wouldn't mention it as it looks a bit stingey (unless you can't afford to pay it)

The only reasonably polite solution is to get up before the bill arrives, feign illness (!) and throw in your cash "saying I had the X and X, should be enough to cover it"

In the end (after lots of meals) one of my friends did saying "but she hasn't drank anything" so I got one meal "off"!

Happened to me on my birthday... although DH was drinking and so probably made up for me. Only one couple (big drinkers) out of the five were both drinking...they had a cheap night,.

Take your point Riven, in that case worth raising at the beginning rather than the end of the meal? Or else even on the phone when the meal out is being arranged? Think leaving it until the very end of the night can lead to bad feeling if everyone is thinking about a v simple "let's split it 8 ways and get out", and is then faced with - "8 ways but take off X and add Y and has anyone got an extra £5" etc

Or you can even ask for 2 bills - one for your order and the other for the remaining 7, but at least eveyone knows from the outset what is being done and why

just make sure that you order the most expensive food and have a pudding too

Really!

If you only have the odd night out anyway, couldn't you graciously swallow the extra few quid for the sake of good company?

I see some old friends about once a year now, and I drive to get there. I can't imagine quibbling about a few pounds because I wasn't drinking. And, as others say, have a starter or a pudding instead.

And another thing which really irritates me is when I've looked forward to a night out, and some misery guts comes along and says they've got no money, or whinges about having had something that costs £5.95 and everyone else's cost £7.45 blah de blah - and they just have different priorities. So they've got a big mortgage/paid for a holiday or private schools or whatever - NOT my problem. If you can't join in the night out, STAY AT HOME or organise your own night out and stipulate that it's a Happy Meal all round.

You should try being vegetarian. Everyone's food is normally twice the price of a boring old veggie dish.

However, I unfortunately do agree with those who have said that it will come across as petty to ask for a reduction.

"I know what it is like to be broke and when I am I don't go out. I would much rather stay in that be worried about a bill, I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself. "

I think the big giveaway there is "when I am"

if you are skint permanently what do you do? if your job will permanently pay less than your friends, whether it is because you work in low paid charity work, have more children, or whatever, what do you do?

give up on a social life altogether, lock all the doors and windows and say goodbye, cruel world?

i had thsi last week

I am pg and we go out with a group of friends every 3 months as one or two of them work shifts and its hard to get us all out at the same time.

the bill came to over £200 and there was 5 of us.

£120.00 of that was wine.

i was a bit when the bill was just split equally but i didn't say anything - did not want to cuse an atmopshere.

Infact the funny thing is one of them made a joke about how my drinks pushed the bill up -I had 2 lime and sodas that cost 80p each!!

plus i picked everyone up and dropped them off - think i am entitled to get abosultley pie eyed and order the biggest steak when i go out with post baby

don't you?

I'm always happy to split the bill but I will be drinking wine if I'm going out for dinner (and didn't go out much when I was pregnant tbh). I'm happy to go for cheaper wine if it's not just me and dh, or to ask for people's views on what wine we should have.

I'm very happy to pay whatever someone tells me to pay so if the bill splitter decreed that x wasn't drinking and hence shouldn't have to pay as much then I'd be fine with paying more as a result. But I haven't been skint for a while so I do realise that my view is a luxury I can afford to have.