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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to resent paying for other people's wine when I'm pregnant and can't drink?

125 replies

fruitstick · 21/09/2008 21:45

I'm being very grumpy but went out last night for a birthday dinner with a large group of friends. We are the only couple who have children and I'm pregnant with DC2.

Not only did it cost us £40 for a baby sitter but the bill was split and came to £42 each, half of which was for the wine!

I had to sit and watch everyone get rat arsed whilst I had half a glass, then leave early as we had to get back for babysitter, and pay through the nose for the privilege.

I'm really worried about money at the moment but should I feel allowed to object or just accept that it's one of the pitfalls of being pregnant.

Harrumph.

OP posts:
Merlin · 21/09/2008 22:09

Fruitstick - it was not up to you to mention it. Your friends should have realised and suggested you pay less.

Dropdeadfred · 21/09/2008 22:10

often if you are not drinking alcohol though a few glasses of orange juice or a bottle of mineral water can add up at restaurant prices

blimey · 21/09/2008 22:10

I agree that it cd get silly if you worry about different food costs but drink costs, as OP points out, are often at least half of the bill.

ravenAK · 21/09/2008 22:11

It's a PITA. What I do with friends (over recent years someone in the group is invariably pg/driving/dieting) is that I just tot up what I've had plus 20% tip/in case I've forgotten anything & put it in for the bill.

Everyone else tends to do similar, then most sober person counts it & either refunds or demands an extra few quid all round...

Admittedly this mostly works because we've known each other since Uni, so have already had furious rows over gas bills etc in the past & are fairly uninhibited in having 'oi, get the moths in your wallet to drop another fiver over here, OK?' type conversations.

If it's more formal &/or you don't know the other diners well, I suppose you just have to take it on the chin.

imananny · 21/09/2008 22:11

if someone does or doeant have a starter/pudding the cost is gen £5 or so 9well where i eat it is) but wine/beer etc really makes the bill go up

your friends should have said something imo - come out with me, and i promise you, you wont pay for our booze

jimmyjammys · 21/09/2008 22:11

YANBU. I go out with other mums and some of us drink and others don't and we always separate the drinks and the food bill for whoever isn't drinking at that time. It's just understood and no one has to mention it.

llareggub · 21/09/2008 22:13

I don't drink, ever, and I'm not bothered about splitting the bill equally. That's because I look at the price of the food and drink as the cost of a good night out with friends, which we all (hopefully) enjoy, regardless of alcohol intake.

That said, most non-drinkers I know ask for tap water. I don't. I order bottled water and other soft drinks that have a cost attached to them and are often the same price as alcoholic drinks.

Guadalupe · 21/09/2008 22:13

It's trickier if you are drinking a bit rather than not at all. Even half a glass, it might look as if you had a drink all night if it's a large crowd.

moondog · 21/09/2008 22:13

As a rule I hate bill quibblers but wholeheartedly agree that it is not on for the non drinkers to subsidise thep iss artists.

Your friends sound thoughtless.

Libra1975 · 21/09/2008 22:13

Some people seem to think it's shockingly bad manners to quibble over the bill, which I would agree with, but I would also say it was shockingly bad manners on the part of your friends not to tell you to pay less because you hadn't had any booze.
If I am out with friends we never expect the non-drinkers to pay the same amount of bill as the drinkers unless at the point we suggest they pay less they wave our objections away and say just split the bill.

nbee84 · 21/09/2008 22:14

Hadn't thought about the free taxi bit - so yes, I'm paying for their wine and saving them money on a taxi too AND it costs me in petrol because they live in different directions to me. But only 4 miles or so out, so I don't feel I can quible over that either but takes me an extra 15 mins to drop them off, so they're at home in their bed whilst I'm still driving home!

Bah humbug!!!

Ronaldinhio · 21/09/2008 22:17

yabvu
Are you also advocating counting the breadsticks eaten/ the number of glasses of wine drunk/ the steak v the salad?
how dreary you are...perhaps thats why they feel the need to drink so much??

nbee84 · 21/09/2008 22:19

Ronaldinhio - but the wine (in our case) is usually half the bill.

blimey · 21/09/2008 22:21

yanbu and yabvu???? don't understand?

WilfSell · 21/09/2008 22:22

You Are Not Being Unreasonable and YANB Very U...

Are you new, blimey?

WilfSell · 21/09/2008 22:22

Sorry. You Are Being VERY U...

WilfSell · 21/09/2008 22:23

That still to blimey btw. Have already expressed MVHO

blimey · 21/09/2008 22:24

ta, Wilfsell, not exactly new but not a reg poster I'm afraid!

onepieceoflollipop · 21/09/2008 22:26

I had the opposite experience a few weeks back and made me very

All of us had had roughly the same, would have been more than fair to split the bill. But one of my "odder" friends argued that although she had had 2 glasses of wine, she hadn't had a starter. Then other people started saying they hadn't had starters either but "forgot" they had had large and expensive soft drinks.

I wanted to bang my head on the table and just say "oh fgs just all put £20 in and let's go home". Then of course after all the embarrassing quibbling we find that the tip is the equivalent of about £2.41 for a bill over £100 which I think quite honestly is insulting to the staff.

I have to put my hand over my mouth otherwise I start shrieking things like "oh was the service really bad at your end of the table, we found the staff really lovely and the service fab down here."

Ronaldinhio · 21/09/2008 22:27

nbee84 I was addressing yabvu to the op

Original poster
fruitstick · 21/09/2008 22:29

ronald, why to me and not to nbee when we are of the same opinion. Have I done something particularly to offend you? Were you the one ordering the brandies?

OP posts:
onepieceoflollipop · 21/09/2008 22:30

fruitstick probably because you are the op and basically we are all saying whether we think yabu or yanbu!

We don't tend to tell subsequent posters whether they are bu or not bu.

islandofsodor · 21/09/2008 22:31

YANBU. We have been out many times with friends when splitting the bill would have meant that we would have been unable to go out.

Occasionally if friends have chosen expensive restaurants myself and dh have chosen the cheapest thing on the menu as we had to stick to a limit.

However we do always make it known upfront that is what we are doing.

blimey · 21/09/2008 22:32

bloody nora these acronyms are a minefield aren't they?

lou031205 · 21/09/2008 22:32

Agree before hand to pay seperately

It isn't quibbling. In this economic climate, if you are tight for money, then you order a less extravagant meal. If you pay separately, it is fair and means that others can drink to their hearts content.

I am teetotal because I hate the taste of alcohol, and when I saw a fellow invitee at a meal down 5 alcoholic drinks before the meal was served, I was glad we were paying separately!