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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to resent paying for other people's wine when I'm pregnant and can't drink?

125 replies

fruitstick · 21/09/2008 21:45

I'm being very grumpy but went out last night for a birthday dinner with a large group of friends. We are the only couple who have children and I'm pregnant with DC2.

Not only did it cost us £40 for a baby sitter but the bill was split and came to £42 each, half of which was for the wine!

I had to sit and watch everyone get rat arsed whilst I had half a glass, then leave early as we had to get back for babysitter, and pay through the nose for the privilege.

I'm really worried about money at the moment but should I feel allowed to object or just accept that it's one of the pitfalls of being pregnant.

Harrumph.

OP posts:
Ronaldinhio · 21/09/2008 22:34

fruitstick dreary and paranoid

brandy please!!
bill to the pregnant lady

BreevandercampLGJ · 21/09/2008 22:35

CSWS

They sound like really nice people, but I bet if they had not mentioned it, you would have just paid up anyway on the basis that there is always the next time.

As an aside.....

I was out with some friends last night and I missed my train by two whole minutes, was it that last kiss/hug that did it and should I bill accordingly.

I got the last train to Guildford and a very spenny taxi home.

But do you know what, it was worth it.

Original poster
fruitstick · 21/09/2008 22:36

right, new plan of action

  • order 2 desserts
  • persuade husband to drink more
  • apply for mini cab licence
OP posts:
nbee84 · 21/09/2008 22:42

onepieceoflollipop - £20 - I wish that was our bill . For us the drinks alone are usually nearly £20 a head

TheHedgeWitch · 21/09/2008 22:46

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expatinscotland · 21/09/2008 22:46

'TBH, if you are rally worried about the mony, I'd have a cozy night in, instead '

That's my standard MO.

But then, all my friends are drinkers and wouldn't dream of separating out a bill .

VoluptuaGoodshag · 21/09/2008 22:48

It's one of those things. It just makes it easier to split the bill. If you get your (non) wine deducted then someone else who didn't have pudding is equally within their rights to deduct the cost of that from their meal. Means the bill is impossible to calculate at the end of the night. You will get your wine nights when all your pals are up the duff and your kids are away for the weekend at a sleepover so in the whole great scheme of things ......

TheHedgeWitch · 21/09/2008 22:50

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ninedragons · 22/09/2008 05:46

The only time I've ever thought hmm about splitting a bill (but not said anything, of course) was when two guys that somebody else brought ordered Cuban cigars that went on the table bill.

I don't mind subsidising someone else's alcohol but for no really philosophically consistent reason I do have a problem with cigars. Probably because someone else's cocktails don't make your hair and clothes stink.

helpfulornot · 22/09/2008 07:20

I agree it helps if others speak up for you! I personally didn't object to paying for others' wine when I was pregnant, because what goes around, comes around, I have more than made up for it.

A group of us regularly go out, and if any of us are pregnant or even just driving (of which I am neither so I do get more than my share of the wine!), we reduce the bill for that person...just to be nice, they don't ask for it.

YABU.

Libra1975 · 22/09/2008 07:22

I like going out for meals with my friends, I go for the company not really the food, however I do like a nice wine and a cocktail or 2, if a friend decided not to come out and have a "cozy night in" because of my drinking habits I would be really upset, I would prefer they say something (which in fact most of my mates do/have done if it's the end of the month or they are having a tight time with money) and in those instances they pay what they consume and then the bill is split with the rest. It's not about being tight it's about the fact not everyone earns the same money or has the same disposable income.

RubyRioja · 22/09/2008 07:27

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

singingtree · 22/09/2008 07:43

Actually I don't think you should have had to pay, I don't remember ever finding myself in this situation when I was pregnant, my friends would knock the booze off my portion of the bill. I did used to have a friend who didn't drink at all and who would always point that out at the start of a group meal and make it clear that she didn't expect to pay for our wine. Fair enough, she would have ended up spending a fortune on other people's booze over the years. It's much easier to set that out upfront than when the bill comes

piratecat · 22/09/2008 07:45

it depends, my friends wouldn't expect me to shell out for a load of wine.

compo · 22/09/2008 07:45

yabu
if you can't afford to go out then don't
it's not their fault you need a babysitter

Libra1975 · 22/09/2008 08:10

I don't understand the posters who would rather their friends stay in than come out and enjoy their company because they can't afford to pay for other peoples booze.

schneebly · 22/09/2008 08:18

I wouldn't bring it up for myself but if I was in a group and they suggested splitting the bill when I knew someone else hadn't been drinking I would speak up on their behalf.

Wordsmith · 22/09/2008 08:18

I think if it was a huge booze bill and others were really knocking it back with no thought for the bill, then I'd be pretty miffed. I would suggest asking the waiter to split the drinks from the food on the bill before you start.

What really pisses me off is when I go out with 5 or 6 friends and we drink one glass of wine each, two at a push, and then the non-drinker insists on a reduction. It probably adds £1 or £2 at the most to their part of the bill. If you're out in a group you split the bill as far as I'm concerned, otherwise you could end up arguing about the fact that your starter was 50p cheaper than hers.

IME people who have expensive drinks/cocktails normally say "I'll pay for this separately" before ordering. Which is considerate, IMO.

SmugColditz · 22/09/2008 08:21

If I'm not drinking (or poor) I tell people outright that I'll be chucking my own money in for my own food, and please can they all just put up with it.

Some of my friends socialise with Merchant Bankers, FGS. Some own their own companies. Some are scrabbling for pennies (mostly me), but I can't afford to blow my budget on other people's extravagances, and because my friends are nice people who know me well, they don't say "Oh eat what you like and we'll pay" (which would leave me in the position of never going out again) they say "yeah yeah we know you're a control freak, sort your own out if it makes you happier, we still aren't convinced you're any better off doing it your way you weirdo..."

because they are my friends. And they know that charity will gnaw my character like a starved rat, but I can take a great deal of piss taking.

I wouldn't pull this on anyone BUT my friends though, I simply wouldn't go.

sarah293 · 22/09/2008 08:28

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NorkyButNice · 22/09/2008 08:29

You can't say anything yourself, but your friends should have been polite enough to excuse you from the drinks bill (my social circle would do this if drinks made up a large proportion of the bill - if we're only talking a couple of bottles split between 8 people then we wouldn't bother though).

As for people who add up how many courses they've eaten - I CAN'T STAND THIS and if I were in a bad financial situation I either wouldn't go, or would ask if we could go somewhere more within my budget.

sarah293 · 22/09/2008 08:34

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HappyMummyOfOne · 22/09/2008 10:01

I dont drink but always pay an even share of the bill if I go out with work or friends. Doesnt bother me tbh as I know we always split the bill as its easier.

I stopped going for a while as we had a meal out and somebody started an argument over the bill as they hadnt had dessert - everyone in the restaurant heard and it was so embarrasing.

crumpet · 22/09/2008 10:06

If you don't want to pay for booze whn you're not drinking you need to say so at the beginning of the evening so everyone is clear. But I'm of the view that you should take it on the chin as there bound to be other occasions (and not necessarily with the same group of people) when you'll end up paying less than you consumed

Cappuccino · 22/09/2008 10:13

it's not one of the pitfalls of being pg

it's one of the pitfalls of having friends who aren't having the same life experience as you

if you don't want to pay for a babysitter then ask people round to yours to bring a bottle

you have kids, it's perfectly fair to say 'we can't go out for big nights out anymore, come round to ours'

it's cheaper

and if they are real friends they will appreciate your change in circs

obv at a birthday dinner you can't do this but you COULD ask them round another time and then maybe they would appreciate how different it is for you

it's one of those things about having kids, you can't go on with the same kind of social life without having to take some pay-off somewhere

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