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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

someone's husband picking up my son

248 replies

alice123 · 14/09/2008 22:18

was at a friends and her husband's for dinner with their dd and my ds aged 5. At dinner time my ds was watching tv (his own dvd player that he had brought).

I was not worried about making him come and sit at the table to be honest as he eats not very much and wasn't hungry and prob wouldn't have eaten the food (it was a takeaway - they hadn't cooked it). So that was why I had brought his DVD player as I expected him to not want the dinner. At mealtimes when he doesn't want the food I don't force it, or make him sit at the table as in the past mealtimes have been a real issue and he has often been sick. So if he isn't hungry I just eat and he eats if he wants to. I know it sounds a bit pandering but it was the advice of my HV and it does seem to work with him.

Anyway, the meal time came and friend's husband (who I find overbearing and intolerant anyway!)said 'right, turn this off', turned off his dvd player, picked him up and plonked him at the table. He did sit there for a few minutes (can't remember if he ate or not).

But AIBU or over protective in thinking that he shouldn't have done that and if so, should have said anything?

OP posts:
ingles2 · 15/09/2008 13:03

but the dh probably wouldn't pick up the ds in her holiday flat

cocolepew · 15/09/2008 13:06

So because they were in the flat that they were renting that gives him the right to pick him up and interfer? What's wrong with him asking the op if her son is going to be joining them. That would be the polite thing to do.

ingles2 · 15/09/2008 13:08

maybe it would , but men don't think like that do they.
That's not the point though,... I would probably pick up the ds, just as I do to all my friends dc's and they mine. Would she complain then?
The point is she didn't want him to pick up her ds because she doesn't like him.

Upwind · 15/09/2008 13:08

YABU - and you should have got your ds sitting at the table. I find it bizarre that you did not order anything that he might eat and that you don't remember whether or not he did eat anything, despite your affront.

Twelvelegs · 15/09/2008 14:06

Mlle. No they are under the care of a HV as far as I could read, correct me if I'm wrong. I have rarely come accross a HV that could solve a problem as serious as a serious food phobia, at five.
I would imagine a child psychologist (my sister had oe for her DS) could cut through to the start and therefore solution very quickly.

Twelvelegs · 15/09/2008 14:13

I have reread, unfortunately people feel that 'naughty' children need taken into hand. Many people confuse not eating with fussy and your friend's DH sounds like an arse. Still I would find it rude if a child sat away from the table and watched a DVD, what child wouldn't eat? I would find it truly unfair on the other child who had to sit at the table, too.
He still shouldn't have lifted your child.

Twelvelegs · 15/09/2008 14:13

What child would eat? sorry

cornsilk · 15/09/2008 14:14

He sounds like a rude man. I would be irritated by that as well.

zippitippitoes · 15/09/2008 14:15

i dont think this child does have a serious food issue

he is fussy

like lots of children whjich is a real pita

op doesnt like the bloke she went on holiday with

zippitippitoes · 15/09/2008 14:16

a serious food issue in the sense of a food phobia

i can well believe he refuses food and it is very difficult to get him to eat

Ripeberry · 15/09/2008 14:24

Sorry, but this has really annoyed me.
Do people actually let their kids sit at the dinning table playing with gameboys and DVDs?
If you are all sitting around a table it should be for familly/friend conversation not for individual pursuits.
I sit at the table with my toddler and talk about her day at pre-school and then in the evening sit with both my daughter together.
Its the height of rudeness not to.
But then i'm not surprised that much, as last year we were on holiday in N.Wales and we sat down in a Fish&Chip Cafe and another familly sat down at the next table and i kid you not! All the kids 3 of them aged between 7-10) and even the adults with them got out their nintendo DS thingies and just sat there in silence playing with them for almost an hour!

iliketosleep · 15/09/2008 14:36

OMG I only got so far up this thread and I'd had enough.

She was on holiday, not at someones house. She wasn't invited they decided they would all eat at friends flat. Her DS was watching a dvd rather than eat as her DS has issues with food, she is following advice from HV. Friends husband took her DS dvd player off him, picked him up and put him at the table.

Correct me if im wrong but i'm pretty sure it was not this mans place to do this? Myself personally would hit the roof. If they had decided to eat at alices flat would her DS watching a dvd be so much of an issue?

Like I said I only got so far up the thread and got fed up of reading the same thing over and over again.

Alice IMHO YANBU that man should NOT have done that to YOUR son!!!!

lljkk · 15/09/2008 14:43

Heavens, I'm in a small minority here.
Haven't read every bit of the thread, but --

At a casual last minute notice meal of take-aways with people I was on holiday with...

I wouldn't have cared or possibly not even noticed whether another person's little child came to the table, chose to watch DVD, or what. Not unless DVD was on very loud or otherwise keeping my own DC from coming to eat.
And it was totally wrong for the other bloke to pick up the child manfully without asking the parent's permission. That type of thing (manhandling) particularly upsets my own ds.

Totally YANBU to OP...

bloomingfedup · 15/09/2008 15:24

This child will be a social outcast if OP keeps this up.

MlleFingeot · 15/09/2008 15:40

That's just rubbish I'm afraid, sorry to be blunt. I don't think you can say that with any real idea if it is true.

Personally I think it is completely unjustified.

bloomingfedup · 15/09/2008 16:24

Mile

In YOUR opinion. Funny how the OP has added bits when it suits her. Very woolly story. IMVHO the child has issues because the OP allows him too.

bloomingfedup · 15/09/2008 16:28

Mile

BTW - I had a child who had eating problems from a genuine mediacl condidtion - if you bothered to read the thread. No one ever told me to let my child watch tv while the rest of the family are eating and to offer no food. CRAP.

zippitippitoes · 15/09/2008 16:29

it is strange to conclude that you shouldnt offer food to a child

i am sure the op has misunderstood any conversation she had with a health visitor

bloomingfedup · 15/09/2008 16:30

Well thats what she said. As i said holey story.

Twelvelegs · 15/09/2008 16:35

HV have no place to advise parents of children with eating disorders that lead to vomitting at the table.
If the child is five it's a serious issue.

iliketosleep · 15/09/2008 16:52

But that is irrelivant to OPs original post. Her DS's eating problems were just part of her explanation. She asked "But AIBU or over protective in thinking that he shouldn't have done that and if so, should have said anything? "

Not AIBU to let my son watch a dvd at mealtimes or AIBU to not force my son to eat

iliketosleep · 15/09/2008 16:55

Also may i add OP was not throwing bits into the post as it suited she was giving explanations to the many --criticisms
-- questions thrown at her!

debzmb62 · 15/09/2008 16:59

hv can only help and advise my son,s issue's with food are being sorted with me after advice from a specalist !! infact i was actually told i was doing the right thing !!
just remember its young children were talking about we have on some occations let the kids eat while watching the tv so what!! does that make me a bad parent for god sake they are children !! may i add when we go to places to eat my children have alway been well behaved kids ,they have very good manners to

MlleFingeot · 15/09/2008 18:24

Bloomingfedup I am very sorry to hear about your child and your experiences.

But I was actually replying to this post which didn't elaborate:

'This child will be a social outcast if OP keeps this up'

I don't think that statement was justified.

How could you possibly know that?

bloomingfedup · 15/09/2008 18:37

Common sense.