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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

someone's husband picking up my son

248 replies

alice123 · 14/09/2008 22:18

was at a friends and her husband's for dinner with their dd and my ds aged 5. At dinner time my ds was watching tv (his own dvd player that he had brought).

I was not worried about making him come and sit at the table to be honest as he eats not very much and wasn't hungry and prob wouldn't have eaten the food (it was a takeaway - they hadn't cooked it). So that was why I had brought his DVD player as I expected him to not want the dinner. At mealtimes when he doesn't want the food I don't force it, or make him sit at the table as in the past mealtimes have been a real issue and he has often been sick. So if he isn't hungry I just eat and he eats if he wants to. I know it sounds a bit pandering but it was the advice of my HV and it does seem to work with him.

Anyway, the meal time came and friend's husband (who I find overbearing and intolerant anyway!)said 'right, turn this off', turned off his dvd player, picked him up and plonked him at the table. He did sit there for a few minutes (can't remember if he ate or not).

But AIBU or over protective in thinking that he shouldn't have done that and if so, should have said anything?

OP posts:
morningpaper · 14/09/2008 22:33

Sitting up at the table when everyone else is eating is just MANNERS

whether you eat or not is irrelevant, you just have to sit there

I don't see the connection between sitting at the table and vomiting.

yelnats · 14/09/2008 22:33

A bit rude I think to allow him to sit with his own dvd player in someone else's house. My dd often watches tv at home while she eats but thats in our own home - I certainly wouldn't allow it in anyone else's if the other children were sat at the table. My dd1 is an extremely fussy/picky eater hence why I sometimes let her eat in front of the tv - way I see it is as long as she is eating it dont matter where she does it.

bythepowerofgreyskull · 14/09/2008 22:33

Sorry - I would not have had my child sat at the table eating whilst there is another child sat in the room watching a DVD.

If we are at the table then I would have asked you child to join us - without eating .

I just don't know anyone who has the children sat round the table with electronic devices instead of eating.

I understand your son has problems with meal times but I think if he was my son I would avoid difficult situations for him whilst we privately worked with the HV.

Having eaten out the night before and he had vomitted I would have ensured we had a home night in his comfort zone.

So all that said - I can understand where the chap was coming from but it is your right to decide who picks up your child and if you aren't comfortable with it you should let them know you wouldn't like it to happen again.

KVC · 14/09/2008 22:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Overmydeadbody · 14/09/2008 22:35

Why do you object to him picking your DS up though?

While I wouldn't particularly like it if someone did that with DS (coz I feel at 5 they're old enough to get to the table themselves) it isn't really a big deal, if he's only got a younger dd he could have just not thought about it? I often pick up one of DS's friends and help him onto his chair, without really thinking, because he is the size of a three yr old at most, so he just seems so little in comparrison to my DS who's tall for his age.

cat64 · 14/09/2008 22:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

chloemegjess · 14/09/2008 22:36

I agree it is more rude to bring a DVD player than to pick up the child. If the child really can't sit at the table they still shouldn't watch a dvd. Maybe do something boring so they would prefer to sit at the table/

bloomingfedup · 14/09/2008 22:36

KVC - children running around in restaurants in is my bugbear too.

zippitippitoes · 14/09/2008 22:37

hmm cant believe you would just leave child on gameboy type thing

if dad is a maste thern fine he was just sorting everyione at the table

HonoriaGlossop · 14/09/2008 22:37

I think you were unreasonable and rude to take a TV to someone else's house. It's annoying and intrusive and un-relaxing having a tv blaring out when you're trying to have a meal IMO.

Having said that I do think the guy was very rude to turn it off without asking you and to pick your DS up. He should have asked you if your ds wanted to join you at the table. Specially if he is well aware of your ds' eating problems.

lisad123 · 14/09/2008 22:37

i insistant my girls sit at table, tv off and if they eat great. TBH i think YABU i think its very rude if everyone else is eating

Overmydeadbody · 14/09/2008 22:37

I agree with morningpaper.

It is just about good manners.

Dropdeadfred · 14/09/2008 22:37

what did you say to this man at the time?

Original poster
alice123 · 14/09/2008 22:37

as I said it was a holiday so thats why there were meals out.

the day before, I was looking after his daughter for them and my son at the playground, he was chatting to someone about 50 yards away. His daughter who is about 3 accidently pushed my son off the slide and he hit his head on the ground. I picked him up and he had a really bad cut. I looked round for this man so he could get his daughter as I needed to get my son to the doctor. I called him and he heard me but didn't come till I'd called him about 5 times. When he came I said my son had cut himself and needed to get to the doctor. He didn't react, offer to help or ask how he was. Anyway, my son did need stitches and he never even asked after him

OP posts:
moondog · 14/09/2008 22:38

What has the pushing over story got to do with this?????

troubledfriend · 14/09/2008 22:38

YABU in letting your son opt out of mealtimes ( whether he actually eats anything or not)to play an electronic device in your house or anyone else's.

My kids can be a pia around meals ( what kids can't? )

but if they thought they could opt out of eating and play a DVD they woud go for the DVD every time.

am I missing something?

Overmydeadbody · 14/09/2008 22:39

Surely if your child has issues around eating and food you should be making sure he participates in the normal social conventions surrounding eating like sitting at the table, even if he doesn't eat?

summerdressesandlacyboots · 14/09/2008 22:39

More info needed before I give my expert opinion

Was the 3 year old sat at the table?

Did you explain to the other adults why your son was watching a dvd and not eating and if so what did they say?

Why do you bring this up now if it happened a while ago?

SlartyBartFast · 14/09/2008 22:39

so that is why you are annoyed?
he is deaf and bossy

bythepowerofgreyskull · 14/09/2008 22:39

this is a wierd situation .

what are you asking?

are you asking if you are being undreasonable for being irritated that he lifted your child to the table

or are you venting about a man who you met on holiday who you didn't like?

vitomum · 14/09/2008 22:40

YANBU.

i really don't see what the problem is with a 5 year old not wanting to eat with the adults. my ds is 4 and doesn't eat a lot. if he had had a decent lunch and breakfast i wouldn't expect him to eat much more than a snack for dnner and i wouldn't demand that he come and keep us comapny at the table when we were having our dinner. i don't understand the outrage at this tbh

Twims · 14/09/2008 22:40

Agree with others YABU

bloomingfedup · 14/09/2008 22:42

what does your son do at dinnertime at school, take his dvd?

Overmydeadbody · 14/09/2008 22:42

what has that story got to do with it alice?

Dropdeadfred · 14/09/2008 22:42

I wonder why you would want to eat with this man the day after he ignored your request for help etc and he showed a complete lack of concern about your son???

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