Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

someone's husband picking up my son

248 replies

alice123 · 14/09/2008 22:18

was at a friends and her husband's for dinner with their dd and my ds aged 5. At dinner time my ds was watching tv (his own dvd player that he had brought).

I was not worried about making him come and sit at the table to be honest as he eats not very much and wasn't hungry and prob wouldn't have eaten the food (it was a takeaway - they hadn't cooked it). So that was why I had brought his DVD player as I expected him to not want the dinner. At mealtimes when he doesn't want the food I don't force it, or make him sit at the table as in the past mealtimes have been a real issue and he has often been sick. So if he isn't hungry I just eat and he eats if he wants to. I know it sounds a bit pandering but it was the advice of my HV and it does seem to work with him.

Anyway, the meal time came and friend's husband (who I find overbearing and intolerant anyway!)said 'right, turn this off', turned off his dvd player, picked him up and plonked him at the table. He did sit there for a few minutes (can't remember if he ate or not).

But AIBU or over protective in thinking that he shouldn't have done that and if so, should have said anything?

OP posts:
bloomingfedup · 14/09/2008 23:30

ding,ding. round ten

Original poster
alice123 · 14/09/2008 23:30

What are you saying? that is the point of the thread??? just saying we do things differently, they force feed, I don't. They make their dd sit at the table, I don't. Not a point or not a point.

btw you can force feed a child when one holds her mouth open and the other puts food in but again that is not the point of the thread it is about picking my son up.

Maybe you all think that is ok? because that is what I was asking? if you do then I will have to rethink because I don't

OP posts:
nappyaddict · 14/09/2008 23:31

i wouldn't have a problem with anyone picking my ds up unless it was in an agressive manner.

Original poster
alice123 · 14/09/2008 23:31

cant be bothered to keep arguing about something that you seem determined to misunderstand! going to bed.

OP posts:
bythepowerofgreyskull · 14/09/2008 23:32

sleep tight

bloomingfedup · 14/09/2008 23:32

alice

"btw you can force feed a child when one holds her mouth open and the other puts food in"

CRAP - the child would spit it out or gag. Your tale is holey.

bloomingfedup · 14/09/2008 23:33

Thank the lord, was getting bored and confused. Night.

KVC · 14/09/2008 23:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MayBloom · 14/09/2008 23:34

Just because your little boy has some issues with food, does not mean to say that he shouldn't sit at the dinnner table with others whilst they finish eating. To be perfectly honest, it sounds like you've allowed him to get into some bad habits. Sorry if that seems harsh.

There is no reason for a 5 year old child to not be able to sit at a dinner table for 15 minutes whilst other people finish their meals. If he doesn't want to eat, then he doens't have to. But it's a respectful thing, you wait until everyone has finished.

Allowing your son to watch dvd's whilst you're all eating is incredibly rude imho. I think children need to be taught how to sit at a dinner table. What happens when you go out for a meal, does he sit and play a gameboy or watch dvd's at the table whilst everyone eats? I'd be very shocked if a parent let their child do this at dinner time, it's 15 mintues away from the tv screen fgs, if you can't pull him away from it for this small amount of time, it's hardly a good thing is it?

As for the guy picking him up, what's the issue? Tbh, I think you're annoyed because this guy did waht you couldn't do, and made your son sit on his bum for 5 minutes whilst you finished your tea - and he stayed there. He turned the dvd off, again, something you didn't do. If it was me, no I probably wouldn't have done this myslef, but I'd certainly suggest to your son to stop and come and sit up - in the slight hope you'd make him.

You clearly dislike this man which seems to be making this more of an issue for you. Perhaps teach your son some table manners and you need never worry about him being picked up and placed at another table ever again.

Tiramissu · 14/09/2008 23:36

Sorry but i hate with passion portable DVD players. Surley children can survive few hours without dvd, no need to carry one with them?

Alice you mention that your son has food issues.Then you say that the other family's child is very overweight. Well, i just hope that you dont make this sort of comments in front of your son....

flubdub · 14/09/2008 23:36

If I thought people were holding their childs mouth open and forcing food in, and making her obese, Id ring social services tbh. But I most certainly would not have gone on holiday with them!

bloomingfedup · 14/09/2008 23:36

Well said Maybloom.

Tortington · 14/09/2008 23:38

if soeone is force feeding a child in that manner i would tell a professional - its tanternount to abuse.

i think if a meal is being eaten at the talbe then your child should sit at the table.

my son has issues with food , but leaving the table to go play on a game is not optional. this leads to the other children not eating properly becuase they too want to leave the talbe to do other things.

this may have been the concern of this parent.

i am a stickler for mealtime rules. and i can understand the stance of the other parent. esp, if they have no experience of the type of food issues that you deal with on a daily basis.

i think the carrying is a different point. and unless i witnessed the manner in which it was conducted i doubt that i could give a valid response.

if it was not done roughly, then i wouldnt have a problem. and i would explain to my child that sometimes in some situations we have to sit at the table

muggglewump · 14/09/2008 23:39

Alice, you say your friend, rude man's wife does her own thing and is only with man because it's better than being on her own.
So, is it the wife helping with the force feeding, or someone else, and why would you go on holiday with people who do that and expose your son to it.

I dunno why I asked that really as I think you are making things up, in fact I think the whole tale is made up or at least wildly exaggerated.

nappyaddict · 14/09/2008 23:40

alice - does even him seeing other people eat stress him out?

bloomingfedup · 14/09/2008 23:41

My DC1 had eating issues due to a medical condidtion (now resolved). It took a long time for us to gradually resolve but are/have. I would never let my dc watch tv instead of sitting at the table when we are eating - that is not going to help. slippery slope.

BlackEyedDog · 14/09/2008 23:43

have had to whoosh through this mind-boggling thread.

YANBU the man is an oaf.

Quite unreasonable and most undignified for your poor ds who had much to put up with from this pushy family.

lisad123 · 14/09/2008 23:43

but it sounds like he picked up your son, sat him at table and that was all. He didnt forcefed your son, you say you cant rememeber if he ate and it doesnt sound like it caused your son too much worry. I think a bit OTT tbh

latelateshow · 14/09/2008 23:46

have only read the op

if the op was happy for her child to watch a dvd and not eat - its her child and her choice

if anyone had undermined my parenting in that way about my child I would be mad as hell about it

TrinityRhino · 15/09/2008 08:27

my god, this is still gong in
sheesh

personnay I think its al made up

summerdressesandlacyboots · 15/09/2008 08:35

why do people DO that? Bump a thread and ask "is this still going on?"

Well if you dont like the thread here's a tip - dont post on it

TrinityRhino · 15/09/2008 08:37

oh dont be silly
I wasnt being serious
I want to hear more
couldn't think of anything to ask alice that hadn't already been asked

I like the thread, was very interesting reading

GooseyLoosey · 15/09/2008 08:37

If I was hosting the dinner, I would think it was a bit rude of the mother not to get her child to come to the table and would ask if they were going to eat anything with us. At that point I would expect to be told that the child had eating issues and would then leave it.

I would be furious if someone picked up my child to force them to do something which I had seen fit not to ask them to do, so in my view, YANBU in objecting to that bit.

summerdressesandlacyboots · 15/09/2008 08:40

oh right - sorry for snapping then

just it's a particular bug bear of mine - as you can probably tell!!

MlleFingeot · 15/09/2008 08:43

I think he was probably trying to help. Some people have that whole 'chuck themin the sea and they';ll swim' mentality - it can work but not always.

I think he made a big faux pas really but it was well intentioned. I would have stood up for ds in a very passive way - cuddled him etc - but not made a big deal or had a rowq. Tbh I would avoid the company of this guy if he does this sort of thing regularly as it would be hard to not have a row about it and you have to protect your sensitive ds from being traumatised about it.

I would leave it and just avoid the situation in future. Different methods and all that - he prob finds you hard to understand as well!