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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

someone's husband picking up my son

248 replies

alice123 · 14/09/2008 22:18

was at a friends and her husband's for dinner with their dd and my ds aged 5. At dinner time my ds was watching tv (his own dvd player that he had brought).

I was not worried about making him come and sit at the table to be honest as he eats not very much and wasn't hungry and prob wouldn't have eaten the food (it was a takeaway - they hadn't cooked it). So that was why I had brought his DVD player as I expected him to not want the dinner. At mealtimes when he doesn't want the food I don't force it, or make him sit at the table as in the past mealtimes have been a real issue and he has often been sick. So if he isn't hungry I just eat and he eats if he wants to. I know it sounds a bit pandering but it was the advice of my HV and it does seem to work with him.

Anyway, the meal time came and friend's husband (who I find overbearing and intolerant anyway!)said 'right, turn this off', turned off his dvd player, picked him up and plonked him at the table. He did sit there for a few minutes (can't remember if he ate or not).

But AIBU or over protective in thinking that he shouldn't have done that and if so, should have said anything?

OP posts:

zippitippitoes · 14/09/2008 23:01

i mean you have removed him by using the terms you hacve

if it was your mate who was a mum then it would be fine non

Original poster

alice123 · 14/09/2008 23:02

no sick incident was first day I think. Sorry if I have not made myself clear. Son used to often be sick but has been getting better recently and this was the first time for maybe 9 months. But wasn't worried about it from the health perspective as it used to be frequent. But that is not relevant to what I am pissed off about though. I only mentioned it because it was at this point (when he was sick) that i explained about how this was not as major a concern as it might appear and related to his eating/food fears - not a syptom of illness

OP posts:

susiecutiebananas · 14/09/2008 23:02

I assumed there were head phones in the DVD.

So, to sum up, just so I know i've got this right...

you were on holiday with friends, but staying in seperate flats

You had a meal out one night and your son gagged and vomited at the table when you were out.

You friends DH was not helpful when you son injured him self requiring stitches.

you went back to theirs in a spotaneous way to eat your seperatly bought take aways.

you took your sons DVD player with you to occupy him while you ate, as he doesn't eat.

Said friends DH turned it off and made him sit at the table.

Your Issue is

That the DH is overbearing, rude and unkind to you in general

That he igored you in your hour of need, with the head wound

That he touched you boy without asking, and he made him do somehting you were not going to do...

Well, to me, it seems like it was a relaxed thing, with the take outs, unplanned and in thie circumstances only, I would say its not really that big a deal that he didn't sit up and eat with you initially. So, what would he do if he hadn't had the DVD player? Seems fair enough to me tat he be occupied...

So, I do think the man should have at the least asked you first. NOt picked him up without talking to you. so YANBU on that point.

Secondly though, It really is NOT te doe thing, usually, eating issue or not, to let children opt out of meal times, let alond opt out and watch a film. THat really is just rude. Unless, perhaps, you are at home with friends and he is in another room...

Its probably more important that he sits up at the table, so it normalises eating for him. Its past the point of being a 'little' problem that your HV can advice and help you on. He's 5 now, he needs to see a specialist on eating peadiatric eating disorders. There is a psychological reason for him gagging with food. I presume he's no physiological reason? So, he needs councelling. YOu need to address this sooner than later. What happens at school?

The more he sits up and watched people eating normally, the more he will see that that is actually what you do. He will learn from it. YOur GP can refer you. They have specialist units at most large hospitals, otherwise they'll refer you to nearest place with a center.

Good luck with it. I hope he gets some help for it soon.

Original poster

alice123 · 14/09/2008 23:03

actually I wouldn't like anyone picking up my son to bring him to the table at 5 when he can walk

OP posts:

Original poster

alice123 · 14/09/2008 23:06

this is making me laugh as this is all besides the point. Of course he is getting help with his eating issues beyond a hv as I mentioned in my posts BUT this is besides the point. I am NOT asking about that!!!!

OP posts:

bloomingfedup · 14/09/2008 23:09

alice - you have gone off the point MANY times. YAWN. ROLLS EYES.

Original poster

alice123 · 14/09/2008 23:10

my issue is I wouldn't pick up someone else's child, I would expect the parent to do/or not do that - whatever they felt appropriate. I might have felt it was rude to not put him at the table if I'd been him but I wouldn't have picked up someone else's child. UNLESS they hadn't been there.

I felt like saying 'please don't pick up DS again' but wouldn't have been able to answer why without getting really irate

OP posts:

SmugColditz · 14/09/2008 23:11

But this is Mumsnet, not Yahoo q&A

It's full of women with not much to do on a Sunday night. We've made the butties, the uniforms are laid out, now the time has come to pick apart the irrelevant minutae of your post

bloomingfedup · 14/09/2008 23:11

and it is AIBU - FAIR GAME.

Original poster

alice123 · 14/09/2008 23:12

the reason I keep going off the point is because people keep asking questions that aren't relevant like 'has he seen a consultant etc?'

All that is irrelevant. I'm irritated by him picking up my son and think this man is a bad tempered w*er anyway

OP posts:

KVC · 14/09/2008 23:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

SlartyBartFast · 14/09/2008 23:12

actually i think i might be rude enough to pick up someone else's child! in a helpful bossy manner

bloomingfedup · 14/09/2008 23:13

kvc

why did op put her dc in that position?

zippitippitoes · 14/09/2008 23:13

i have picked up oter peoples kids lots of times and told them off

you dont like the bloke

fair enough

SlartyBartFast · 14/09/2008 23:13

had he been drinking?

Original poster

alice123 · 14/09/2008 23:14

yes quess i don't really have a question just pissed off with this man. understand that shouldn't have taken dvd but it was a holdiay and impromtu takeaway rather than formal meal but don't like someone else picking up my son espec someone I think is rude and intolerant

OP posts:

muggglewump · 14/09/2008 23:14

Alice123, you keep saying things as though they are relevant and adding details, and then saying the details are not relevant.

I can't really decide whether YABU or not now because frankly, I can't make out much.

bloomingfedup · 14/09/2008 23:15

bee and bonnet

nametaken · 14/09/2008 23:15

Alice - Your partner wasn't with you when this happened was he? That horrible man wouldn't have dared done what he did if your partner was there. He is a bully as well as everything else you've called him

I can fully understand why you're annoyed.

lisad123 · 14/09/2008 23:15

i dont think its rude for someone i know to pick up my child. You know him well enough to be on hols with him and i woulod have thought he was being helpful. I know you said he has issues with food, but why would that stop him sitting at the table, even iof he wasnt eating?

mrsruffallo · 14/09/2008 23:16

Yabu.
It is your job to teach him social skills- whilst visting people you don't bring your own DVD player and you sit at the table with everyone else. He is old enough to understand this.
It sounds as if the friends husband was a bit abrupt, but you needed to take control of the situation before he did

Original poster

alice123 · 14/09/2008 23:16

kvc, you and everyone keep asking if my son has seen a consultant and I keep saying YES! and he has advised what I am doing re mealtimes and it is working!!! but that is not the point of this post

OP posts:

bloomingfedup · 14/09/2008 23:18

alice
what does your dc do on playdates?

Saturn74 · 14/09/2008 23:18

You dislike this man, and the way he treats your son; you have spent a considerable amount of time around him, despite your dislike.
The answer is fairly obvious.

I think your reaction to him picking up your son is OTT.
He sounds like he was just sorting the children out so that everyone could sit down and eat.

Although it wouldn't have bothered me if a child didn't want to come to the table to eat a takeaway.

I think you needed to speak up if you were unhappy about it.

Original poster

alice123 · 14/09/2008 23:18

mrsruffallo - I am doing what I have been advised to do re meals by consultant and it is working. GOD, this is crazy, I keep explaining this and it is not relevant because this man knew about the food issues

OP posts:

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