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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

someone's husband picking up my son

248 replies

alice123 · 14/09/2008 22:18

was at a friends and her husband's for dinner with their dd and my ds aged 5. At dinner time my ds was watching tv (his own dvd player that he had brought).

I was not worried about making him come and sit at the table to be honest as he eats not very much and wasn't hungry and prob wouldn't have eaten the food (it was a takeaway - they hadn't cooked it). So that was why I had brought his DVD player as I expected him to not want the dinner. At mealtimes when he doesn't want the food I don't force it, or make him sit at the table as in the past mealtimes have been a real issue and he has often been sick. So if he isn't hungry I just eat and he eats if he wants to. I know it sounds a bit pandering but it was the advice of my HV and it does seem to work with him.

Anyway, the meal time came and friend's husband (who I find overbearing and intolerant anyway!)said 'right, turn this off', turned off his dvd player, picked him up and plonked him at the table. He did sit there for a few minutes (can't remember if he ate or not).

But AIBU or over protective in thinking that he shouldn't have done that and if so, should have said anything?

OP posts:
zippitippitoes · 14/09/2008 22:44

eh

so you dont like one of ypur friends husbands you were on holiday with

is that the problem

bloomingfedup · 14/09/2008 22:44

I think you have other issues with the family or their parenting style at least?

KVC · 14/09/2008 22:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

solidgoldbrass · 14/09/2008 22:44

If you have issues with this man either sort them out with him or avoid his company, but do't let your DS become a game token.

Carmenere · 14/09/2008 22:44

Hang on a minute, are all of you, apart from alice saying that in a social situation, whilst having dinner in a friends house that NONE of you put the dc's in a different room in front of a dvd so you can get a bit of piece?

Overmydeadbody · 14/09/2008 22:44

hang on a minute, presumably as this man was on holiday with you he saw your DS regularly enough to know how he was doing and not have to ask after him?

HonoriaGlossop · 14/09/2008 22:45

I think it's miserable if a child is simply not hungry (or isn't catered for eg the adults are having a takeaway, which many kids wouldn't eat) and is still expected to sit at the table while others eat. Pointless IMO and in fact it's the adults who need to show the manners by accepting that the child is not hungry and is only a child and is being set up for failure if they're expected to sit at a table and do nothing while adults eat and talk boringly.

I think the DVD thing complicates this scenario tbh because it's so intrusive; but if the kid has big eating issues and needs to not be pressured about mealtimes, then it's fine IMO if he plays quietly while others eat.

morocco · 14/09/2008 22:45

when did this all happen btw? sounds like ages ago

Overmydeadbody · 14/09/2008 22:45

of course we do Carmenere, but we wouldn't be annoyed if the host decided that during the meal the dvd goes off and the child sits at the table for a few minutes

muggglewump · 14/09/2008 22:46

So, your son needed stitches, that night you took him out to eat with the rude man and family. Rude man didn't ask after him at all, your son vomited at dinner and you still took him to a meal with rude man and family the following evening.
I think YABU!

Original poster
alice123 · 14/09/2008 22:46

I suppose I am venting rather than asking an opinion...I don't like this man. I was really hurt by the incident when my son was hurt at the playground and he just ignored it. I was pissed off by him picking up my son and I find him rude and irritable.

The issue over my son's eating is another issue really, I don't make him sit at the table or eat (on the advice of doctor and consultant) and his eating problems are improving alot so I'm not too worried about them.

I appreciate the point about the DVD, but this is more about the fact it was a holiday and I don't make him sit at the table.

OP posts:
Overmydeadbody · 14/09/2008 22:47

But the man didn't insist that he stayed at the table did he? Just plonked him there at the begining of the meal.

zippitippitoes · 14/09/2008 22:47

right so you made a mistake going on holiday withe people you dont like

er leson learnt

Overmydeadbody · 14/09/2008 22:48

alice, next time, don't try to diguise the venting as something else, just vent away, in an honest way

bloomingfedup · 14/09/2008 22:48

Children need to learn what is expected of them. The child should be expected to sit at the table if he has not eaten already esp in someone elses house and if their child is doing it.

SlartyBartFast · 14/09/2008 22:48

in that case, what a rude man! how dare he tut, interfering busy body

Original poster
alice123 · 14/09/2008 22:48

no mugglewump - all different days!

OP posts:
bloomingfedup · 14/09/2008 22:50

Well don't go away with them again! He sounds like a tosser.

Overmydeadbody · 14/09/2008 22:50

and the moral of the story is: don't go on holiday with this man ever again!

Original poster
alice123 · 14/09/2008 22:51

no dvd has headphones so wouldn't be intrusive.

OP posts:
muggglewump · 14/09/2008 22:53

All different days?
Because you say the vomiting incident and stitches incident were both on the day before the picking up incident, so two days one after the other?

Also the HV is helping you son and then the doctor and consultant.

Bits keep getting added to this story, could you not have told the whole tale to start with?

Original poster
alice123 · 14/09/2008 22:54

I wouldn't go on holiday with this man again. I didn't know what he was like. Group of us went - all different flats. He is just married to a good friend of mine but she does her own thing so I often see her separately. I don't know what she sees in him and she has often said that she finds him rude and bad tempered and is with him because it is a compromise and better than being on your own! But each to their own and if she is happy with this then fine.

I had always thought him fairly pleasant but not now.

OP posts:
Original poster
alice123 · 14/09/2008 22:56

mugglewump because the point of it was about the picking up for the mealtime.

I really can't remember the order of events and it isn't really relevant.

OP posts:
flubdub · 14/09/2008 22:58

Is it possible he was sick on the table because he'd banged his head and had to have stitches, instead of food issues?

zippitippitoes · 14/09/2008 23:00

i think the clue is in the title someones husband

if it had been a close mates mum in your eyes would that have been ok

its the fact you hated him not what he did