To think people who ask for money as a wedding gift are vulgar and rude!

[mimabear]

I'm going to a wedding soon, the couple in question have lived together for several years and say they don't need anything, hence the request for money.
Now I don't mind buying from a wedding list or even giving gift vouchers, but the idea of giving hard cash (or a cheque?!) seems distasteful.
So much so that I'm not sure I shall go after all.
AIBU?

amen, soapy! x-posts.

www: "the idea of wedding presents was to help a couple start out in married life" - exactly! So how does money not count as helping a couple to start out in married life?

true expatinscotland

we payed cash to hubby sister when she got married, as they couldnt afford to get married - it did bug me then - but guess its better than an unwanted gift - still dont know which part we paid for (certainly wasnt towards fine wine)!!

Expat - I was responding to if people are in debt "that's their problem". Does that sound supportive to you?!

yes, yes it does, MTH. and i say that as someone with a small amount of debt myself.

it is our problem, not that of guests we invited to celebrate an event with us.

Well, expat, you and I have a different outlook on debt (I also say that as someone with a small amount of debt!). When it comes to weddings and giving, I don't see that a cash gift or a gift gift are any different as a way of celebrating and helping the couple start out in married life. Many cultures do it around the world as a part of their wedding traditions, the problem appears to be that in the UK we just have different traditions and clearly don't like them being challenged.

As far as the gifts issue is concerned, there is such a strong correlation between a bought gift and its fiscal value that the issue of whether you give a gift or just the financial equivalent is academic. We often don't want people to know how much we've spent on a gift because we attach an emotional value to our spending. However, this is nullified when it comes to wedding list giving, as if you buy a gift off a wedding list, the couple still know how much you've spent.

LL - I tend to find that the things on the children's lists end up there after a fair bit of parental input as to what is acceptable or not as a present.

DS will probably put a mobile phone on his this year, which we could more than afford, but there isn;t a cat in hells chance that I would buy it for him.

Most of the children's 'big' presents over the years have almost always been things they haven't asked for but which we just knew they would love. The look of surprise and excitement would not have been the same had it just been something on their list.

littlelapin, i think your latest was disingenuous to say the least but i don't want to get drawn in any further.

the hominem in ad hominem comes from the accusative case of the masculine noum homo. it is not therefore "gender neutral". however, you are correct to say that the term is usually used for both genders in english.

bridezillas are not children. they may act like it, by issuing rude requests for their guests to fork over cash or dictate to their invited guests what they want, like a 5-year-old, but they're not children.

I find it a little crude but if its what they want, its their wedding!!

We are going to one with a brilliant idea. They have asked for money ANONOMOUSLY (spl?!)

The whole anonomously (can't spell it!!) bit takes the crudeness away. In fact, maybe all gifts should be given anonomously at weddings?

That way people will give or buy what they can honestly afford rather than feeling the need to spend X amount. Afterall, not many couples nowadays actually "need" many things.

no, homo indicating man.

MTH - my best mate is constantly in debt and remortgaging - so it IS her problem. I have given her advice when asked for over the past 20 years of our friendship - I have never, and will never give her money (unless I win the lottery).

To me, giving money as a present shows a lack of thought on my part, and I prefer not to do it for weddings. If a couple is in debt, then it's not my role as a wedding guest to sort that out for them. If they're grown up enough to get married, then they're grown up enough to sort out their finances. That especially goes if you don't know them well - why should you pay their debts, perhaps incurred pre wedding?

The daughter of the above best mate wanted money for her wedding present. Knowing what I did about her and her husband to be, I declined, but did them a huge food hamper of practical bits and some 'luxury' items, that I knew would be far more practical and useful.

It's my hard earned cash, and I can choose to give it in another form.

Another who hates being asked for cash for a wedding gift. Yes, I would always take a gift to a wedding, but its still should not be expected.

I like to choose my own gift, not be given a list of what is acceptable or worse, cash.

Giving cash feels like paying to attend the event rather than being invited to celebrate the marriage.

Childrens list are totally different, nothing like a wedding gift request.

Sorry, the thread has moved on but I'd like to get in my two penn'orth

I didn't ask for money as a wedding gift.

We said we would prefer money.

We were going to NZ the next day and didn't fancy taking the Breville and teasmade thousands of miles and then have to change the plugs

So I am tacky x 3, vulgar and rude.

But, I only had close friends and family at my wedding, so if they had a problem (which they didn't) they would have said it to my face (or to PILs or Ps.)

YABU - go suck piss off a thistle elsewhere.

'YABU - go suck piss off a thistle elsewhere. '

What a pleasant attitude.

Glad you pissed off to NZ.

Those who get so uptight about giving money: why? How is a voucher any different? Someone will still know what you spent; it just ties them to spend it in a certain shop.

The way some people are complaining, it seems they bedgrudge giving something that the recipient actually wants! Isn't it an pathetic waste to spend money on something that isn't needed or wanted? I'd much rather, whether it was a fiver or 50 quid, that my money went to good use.

I'd strike half of you off my wedding guest list for general curmudgeonliness and malevolence!

'I'd strike half of you off my wedding guest list for general curmudgeonliness and malevolence!'

I'd take the money you told me to give you and use it to buy a ticket to a gig or show that at least has the good grace to call itself what it is: an entrance fee.

i don't have a problem giving money as a gift.

have done so many times.

don't like being told what to give people as a gift.

think it's rude to tell people what to give you as a gift unless asked specificially no matter what the occassion.

expat - I live in the UK.

I'm tacky x3, rude and vulgar. What did you expect.

No, Expat, I'd strike you off the list for being so selfish! Giving a gift that isn't wanted - just because of some power game that YOU decide what I want, and know better than me ? doesn't count as being a friend, in my opinion.

If someone could take such offence at an honest request that I'd prefer money instead of wasting YOUR money on something I already have or don't want ? well, they wouldn't be a friend of mine in the first place and therefore wouldn't be invited!

And these wedding invites don't TELL people to give money. They politely request that IF you want to give a gift, that money would be appreciated. There are no bouncers on the door, taking the money before you are allowed to enter the church or reception party!

Lighten up, everyone. If you're going to spend £20, why not do so on something that will be useful to the couple?