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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think people who ask for money as a wedding gift are vulgar and rude!

283 replies

mimabear · 12/09/2008 23:45

I'm going to a wedding soon, the couple in question have lived together for several years and say they don't need anything, hence the request for money.
Now I don't mind buying from a wedding list or even giving gift vouchers, but the idea of giving hard cash (or a cheque?!) seems distasteful.
So much so that I'm not sure I shall go after all.
AIBU?

OP posts:
Gateau · 15/09/2008 13:43

YABU.
It's a 'gift' which means something THEY want, not you.

MadameCastafiore · 15/09/2008 13:46

My lovely neighbours are asking for money for thier wedding presents but the money is to be pledged to one of two charities - they are sooo nice saying that they have everything for the home and it is their way of giving something to help someone on a momentous day in their lives.

We have never given money as a gift whent hey are keeping it and will never do so - we buy a present even if they do not want it they cantake it back.

MrsThierryHenry · 15/09/2008 21:21

Scaryteacher, you misunderstood my last post. What I said was that you seem to think that everyone who is in debt is the same as your friend - this does not mean that I think you're assuming everyone is in debt. Hope that's clearer now!

I'm genuinely astonished at your response to my saying that 'we all f up, even you'. Perhaps again you misunderstood me. I don't need to know somebody to know that this fact is true of us all! Now, you're not genuinely saying that you've never made a single mistake in your life, are you? We all make mistakes, whether ones related to debt or any other areas of life. This is what I was saying, and I'd be amazed if you were the only exception to this rule.

As for my comment about you being unreasonable, that was referring back to you saying 'that's their problem' when people get into debt. I think this shows a lack of interest in understanding people's situations - and yes, I think that is an unreasonable attitude. Am I suddenly not allowed to say that I think you're being unreasonable? This is the AIBU thread, after all!

Finally as far as gift giving is concerned, I'm again astonished that some people on this thread seem to themselves as the most important figure in the gift-giving circle. I thought the whole point of giving a gift was to make the recipient happy. One of my friends loves gifts which are immensely practical and which I find quite dull. However I know that he will be delighted to receive a new garden hose or a new set of gardening tools, so I swallow my pride and give them to him, knowing it's a much-desired gift.

Okay, I'm off my soapbox now!

susiecutiebananas · 15/09/2008 22:52

LL - yo are welcome hope it made sense a little... my brain is full of useless crap... My best pal guffawed for yonks the other night when I said I learnt it in my brain... I though it was quite a logical sentance

ok back to op..
money as a gift;
Asking - vulger/tastless.
Giving- perfectly fine.

Jeepney · 16/09/2008 08:40

Hypothetically shpeaking what would be anyones opinion of someone having say a.... debenhams wedding list and there being a dress or a pair of shoes on it??

morningpaper · 18/09/2008 20:02

We asked for no presents

and we got no presents!

I was actually expecting people to feel obliged and give things, but they didn't

I'm not sure that people DO feel that obliged TBH. I certainly wouldn't.

mppaw · 18/09/2008 20:18

To ask for hard cash = Vulgar

I know someone who paid for their driving lessons with the money they received when they got married !!

I went to wedding and they asked for vouchers from a particular travel agency.
Still not a fan, but felt a little bit more comfortable with this request.

lizzieH2008 · 24/09/2008 10:58

The fact is that so many people don't need toasters or kettles anymore, as they've either lived on their own for ages, or with the partner that they're marrying.

We had lived together, so asked for contributions to our honeymoon. Our family
and friends thought this a great idea, especially as we used a professional site www.senduspacking.com. Guests could either contribute to the overall holiday or say that the money was to be used for something specific, like a champagne dinner for two. Basically our guests bought us the best thing ever - precious memories.

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