To think people who ask for money as a wedding gift are vulgar and rude!

[mimabear]

I'm going to a wedding soon, the couple in question have lived together for several years and say they don't need anything, hence the request for money.
Now I don't mind buying from a wedding list or even giving gift vouchers, but the idea of giving hard cash (or a cheque?!) seems distasteful.
So much so that I'm not sure I shall go after all.
AIBU?

I agree with OP. I think it is vulgar and rude to ask for anything just because you are getting married. The tradition of pinning money to the bride's dress in Greece is not at the request of the bride and groom therefore it is not vulgar or rude, imo

gosh have just woken up-sorry i sound very grumpy and chippy

I'm with you Swifty.

when me and dh got married 6 years ago we had already lived together for a couple of years, all our stuff came from charity shops and boot sales as we were students, so when people asked about gifts, yes we asked for money but for vouchers in a specific shop so we could buy our first sofa.

some people gave us vouchers, some people gave us nothing and some people gave us other gifts of their choice. I was grateful for everyone who came and dont think it was at all tacky to ask for somthing we genuinely needed.

we did get given 20 champagne glasses, we dont drink and they are still in their boxes now. Maybe if we hadnt asked for anything at all (to avoid tackiness) we would have ended up with 200 champgane glasses instead!

we did get an evening invitation to dh cousins wedding recently asking for money as gifts, now i know this couple both have very well paid jobs and have lived together and had children and have most of what they need, so yes to be honest, i think it is a little tacky of them to ask for money (didnt even say what they were saving for) we are not going anyway as they have banned all children (whole different thread i know) and havent sent them anything either. I dont suppose they will notuce to be honest

then again, i suppose if you ask for nothing at all you end up with the 200 champagne glass/ten toasters/5 dinner set situation which just seems a waste of everyones money

ginger, why did some people give you nothing?

i dont know because i didnt ask, i didnt ask because i didnt really care. I only know some didnt because we made a list for thank you cards

sorry, when i say nothing, i mean no actaul gift, we had some beautiful cards

we also had some people who did other things, a friend did my makeup and nails, an auntie made the cake, brothers g friend made the favours etc etc

IN Germany people tend to give money...and there are lovely ways to make it a tasteful present...by a houseplant , fold the money up into butterflys and than attach to houseplant, for instance!

love you hedge witch-you do make me chuckle

By solidgoldbrass on Sat 13-Sep-08 01:35:17

"... And I still maintain that the biggest selling point of the Oxfam Unwrapped type of gift is that they are such a magnificent smack in the mouth to give to people who have in some way annoyed you - 'Look! You pampered overpriviledged demanding greedy shitbag! Look how noble and charitable I am! Look how much better than you I am! Now feel guilty about having ever given the slightest indication that you think getting presents is nice!'"

oh i so agree with this! it is so punchably, aggressively self-righteous! and so is "charitable donations/no gifts" statements for a wedding.

unless you're very well established and it's not your first wedding then just about ok.

my soon-to-be sil who fancies herself extremely posh (she isn't) has asked for cash

well i am not a friend of my future sil and am pretty irritated as it will be expected to be a fairly large amount of cash. would be happy to fork out for some china or crystal though. it's tradition

I'm with you littlelapin.

We've been asked for money from a couple who already have household stuff between them but want to buy furniture for their house when they buy one together (they are currently both in separate flats) - seems perfectly reasonable to me.

"Look how noble and charitable I am! Look how much better than you I am!"

sorry but that is the message - whether it is intended that way or not. just as asking for cash says "money grabbing".

but they already have two sets of furniture presumably?

Not to me it doesn't.

Not enough to furnish a house with. Certainly when dh and I moved from a flat to a house we had furniture to buy.

My view would be that most people would see it as sensible and that those who don't - well, I'll probably never know and in any case, those people aren't worth worrying about.

People you invite to your wedding are generally family and friends and if they don't understand the logic and see their arses - well, that's up to them.

i don think i care

Oh ffs, this thread is really fucking stupid.

IF you don't want to go just because they offended you by daring to ask for money then don't go.

I think if you turn up to a wedding empty handed then that is incredibly rude and mean.

If you judge people on the sort of wedding list they send out then you are fucking mental.