AIBU to not want DH's family present when I give birth?

[ruthosaurus]

DH was present at our nephew's birth, to support middle brother and girlfriend, and wants his younger brother to be there as a backup (for him, not me) when I have our baby. I get on really well with YBIL but really don't want him to see me in the throes of labour/birth. It's my first child so I don't know exactly what to expect, but friendly advice leads me to believe it won't be the most dignified thing I ever do and I only want DH there. Plus I hear I may be [gasp] naked.

He did suggest his mum as an alternative . I also get on well with her, but I don't even want my own mum there. He also suggested having them waiting outside so that they are there if he needs them, but I'm a little unsure if I'm comfortable about that. But I do know it's not all about what I want, so am feeling guilty.

AIBU to deny DH this level of family support? I am dead keen to see everyone and introduce them to the baby when it's is safely here and I've had the chance to have a shower and put a clean nightie on.

I haven't read every page of this thread, but it sounds to me like he is feeling nervous about it and needs another hand to hold. But you should be tip top priority and maybe he hasn't wanted to confess to you that he'd actually rather not be in the room. I don't mean it as an offence, and I could be wrong, but if he were more comfortable with the whole idea then he really wouldn't be looking for this type of support. Maybe worth suggesting you have a different birthing partner? Altho, if it were me (and it has been twice so far, another one to go..!) I'd want DH there. But for God sake, keep the rellies out, it's your gig. Good luck.

Actually, just as an after-thought in my first labour, which went on for 48 long boring hours, my DH's mother and sister hung around neuortically for a while doing my head in because they thought that like them, I would have mine in an hour. NOT TO BE. Then when I went home again, through labour, still long, still boring, they were on the phone and I was saying to DH as I bopped about to the beach boys trying to get a stonger contraction (It wasn't all like that honest!) 'Jesus, tell them to back off, they are more nervous than me, I'm fine, we'll call when we have news!!!' It just pissed me off, so as much as I love them, their emotions were getting in the way of my labour and I didn't need it.

Ruthosaurus, I am glad your dh saw sense in the end!
I read part of your op out to my dh this evening and he said that there is no way on earth he would want another man (with the exception of a doctor) seeing my bits, and your partner should take his ipod and a good book in to the labour suite. Which I thought was a cheeky first comment to make, and rather bizzare second comment as I had a 2 hour labour with dd and he barely had time to ask how I was let alone read a book

god, is your dh always this self absorbed?
He will be one of those new dads, sitting with new baby on knee and looking around to see who is watching this great dad. Whinging on about how little sleep he has had.
You will cringe as you realise your visitors think he is a total nob.

Not that i am speaking from experience or anything.

My mum was waiting when I gave birth to ds1. It was a really good idea. I had a very long labour and at one point during 1st stage (was not undignified yet) things were abit boring as not progressing my mum came in for 15 mins whilst husband went to get a drink and a snack. It gave him a break as we had been up all night so he was more focused when he came back and it helped me just seeing a different face and new convo. Anyway things didnt go to plan and husband got landed with ds1 mins after birth whilst I was in the operating threatre. Apparently he was a state, he was convinced I had died and my mum really helped him and was showing him what to do with ds1 whilst they were waiting for me. It is also thanks to my mum that I was able to bf. When they finally brought be back I was still unconscious and the mw was about to give ds1 a bottle, husband was too emotional to say anything but my mum made sure they knew how much I wanted to bf so they turned me on my side and latched him on whilst I was still unconscious.
If you dh feels like he might need support, it might be idea to find someone you both feel happy with to wait in the waiting room.

Lovely story (well, apart from having to have an op!) orangehead.

Christ, NO.

When I gave birth I only wanted DH there, I wouldn't have a problem with family members waiting outside but don't really see the point, you have no idea how long you will be in labour and they would just be waiting around.

Lovesdogsandcats, steady on, old girl! See comments above on problem solved. As long as DH isn't anything like Matthew McConaghy after his girlfriend gave birth - see link

Now there's a self-involved dad!

If DH takes his Ipod in there's a chance he may miss the birth - he's kind of hard of hearning anyway...

hearing, soz

oops sorry thats what happens when you don't catch up with the update

Ah, been there done that meself, no worries. Seriously, though, how funny is the link? Any dad who says "we" about pregnancy or birth needs a [ahem] quiet word in his ear. Or something in his ear, anyway. "We had a good birth experience"? Did we?

Isn't there a book called "You're pregnant too, mate"?

Well I read your post and felt sorry for you, because my ex was a total arse after the birth(wasn't even 1st baby!), and sat in a chair with babe in arms and preened like a right bick cock in front of visitors, talking about how tired he was!!!

Obv your dh is not like that and I jumped the gun.

That link is hilarious. Do you think he might find time to even make dw a brew, what with the stress of it all?

Agree with custardo {grin]

Didnt even read any further.........

I understand that you feel guilty as its all new to him too and he may be feeling pressured to "perform" well too (not that there is any right or wrong way for either of you), and this is why he wants support. But really you do need to think of yourself and it is a proven fact that women need to be able to let them selves go and have no inhibitions to labour well. But on the other hand if you are worried about your DH during labour, this may also have a negative effect too. Maybe some other type of support for you would be helpful, either your mum, sister, good friend or a doula, and then he can feel that the pressure is off and enjoy this wonderful experience.

Tell your inlaws to Cock off. Nothing to do with them. You should only have people you're comfortable with seeing you naked, swearing in covered in blood/gore/shit. Not being comfortable could slow labour down and - I'll bet - cause foetal distress. l

That link to Mattew McConaghy is PRICELESS. What a prize tosser!

Good luck Ruthasaurus, glad it's going to be just you and DH.

If your BIL wants to help, tell him to nip round yours with the Hoover and a homecooked meal....

Glad your dh saw sense

What a twat!!! Mathew, not your DH.

No YANBU and it is allaboutyou!!!!
You need to be as relaxed as possible during labour as tensing up will be more painful. Your DH needs to respect what you want. Ask him if he would feel comfortable having a poo infront of your mother naked? He will probably get the gist then!
Yes I would let them wait outside or ask them to help by getting the house ready/getting food etc, but not in the actual room.

OOOH - LOVING the housework idea! Nice one [rubs evil hands with glee]!